The other days event ‘tween Son of Bossman and myself opened up a pandoras box of thinks.
“Right to pursuit of happiness‘
and the more I think on things, the less ‘happy’ I am getting. I’m a simple man despite the complicated mess I call my life. I don’t like the rat race, the pursuit of the almighty dollar, or prestige. Couldn’t care less about keepin’ up with the Jones’.
So what the F! am I doing trying to start a small business?
I’ve had that 6 figure salary in my life and the one thing I recall most about it was “Misery” I was miserable in my daily living, the only time I felt alive was during load in/load out and show times. The rest of the time was spent being a frellin’ accountant: Figurin’ this quarters Tax liablility, looking for the dodge to limit said taxes, etc, etc.
I’m feeling very confused right now. I know that running my own thing will open up freedoms I don’t crurrently have. I will be able to schedule around ‘My life’ as needed. That is one of the better aspects of the J.O.B. I can take time as needed and not worry about ‘do I still have a job’.
But it is on THEIR schedule, and there are times where their schedule didn’t mesh well with mine, or they didn’t see pressing need of keeping the Emps busy. Hard to accept outside gigs if you don’t know when you are free until ‘day of’.
And the pay,,, though that has seen improvement over the last few. But there is still that “no work, no pay’ thing. Granted, that no work no pay thing takes on a life of its own when you are running your own show,,, Thats part of the risk. J.O.B.’s are supposed to reduce that risk (at the cost of high margin income. )
(and here I open up a partition, tread lightly)Part of me wants to put Bloo up for sale, and most of the tools with her, but I bump headlong into that “but she answers so many questions by her mere existence” Doesn’t matter if I push one particular direction, she opens up the possibilities of even more. NO, she isn’t for sale.
But I come back to the question of “what do I find most satisfying in life?” and the answer is a whole lot less tangilbe and immaterial when compared to a “Contractor Truck loaded with tools.”
Material goods have mass. That mass induces a gravitational pull, and that pull is keeping me off center lately. I don’t feel grounded at all.
Earlier today, I had a little confrontation with Burnour on the jobsite. Dinner break, and I found a cool spot in shade with good breeze to relax and enjoy my meal. Burnout had just had a frackus with the other team leader and was blowing a fuse. I asked him to ‘let that shit go’ while we were eating. He kept on fuming and started getting louder and I raised my voice a touch to emphasize my point. He blew up and stormed off to eat elsewhere. I said to myself “all that poisonous anger he is eating with lunch is gonna give him heartburn”
Sure’nuff, at 2, he was complaining about heartburn and I used the point to reinforce what I had said ealier. He concured that I was right.
and it made me think about things, including the opening section about “happiness’.
Happy is fleeting, contentment is steadier. And My contentment is at an alltime low despite the accomplishments of getting Bloo functional, having my escape pod ready.
Be Careful what You wish for: you might just get it.
Because sometimes your wishes are based on emotion, and emotions LIE. And the last 12 months, my emotions have been bombarded with negative energies, from so many angles, mostly external, but some internal as well.
Thats what I brought up with Burnout: the negative vibes in the world and how they are effecting us: and showing them to Burnout, i saw myself in the mirror,,,
Those negative vibes were large part of purchasing Bloo: I wanted an insurance policy. I didn’t calculate in my burning my nesteggs to buy that policy. My nesteggs would have carried me, contentedly, through the recent dryspells. Instead, I felt weights that knocked my G&C for a loop.
And then there are the negative aspects of the world at large, that everyone is feeling/reacting to. That carries into my daily when I must work with the crews. When I have shop days, I balance by my self just fine and the day floats. I don’t fight a thing. But the other days,,,, ‘letting go’ seems near impossible because if its not from inside, its in your face or stabbing your back.
Easy answer: rebuild the nest eggs. Con to that answer: the world is in full “scarcity mindset” and costs vs incomes are skewed badly. IOW, everyones feeling the pinch.
I’m running a mental circle jerk here,,,, What IS my point?
I don’t know. I’ve a strong pull to eliminate the material and go full on spiritual vagabond. Issue there is I do have obligations of the four footed nature that I cant turn my back on.
Wha’s a Dio to do?
Keep on keepin’ on. Bills are being paid, the nesteggs are getting a sip too, and unless the world at large goes Canned Sunshine at Midnight, I’ll keep on getting along. Time is non-refundable, and life is a game with a terminal ending none of us escape. Keep playing.
LLLLL!
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