The deed is done

Puppers at the shelter, and I have no clue of their future now. I pray their luck continues upwards.

as it should be,

but I still feel a couple of inches tall about it. I didn’t do as their previous “Expletives Deleted” person did and just drop thiem in the middle of some road to fend for themselves.

But I did break the trust they had started giving me and that hurts. The larger one kept giving me these eyes: Eyes saying, “you’re gonna leave me somewhere and not come back, aren’t you?”

And I felt like a complete shitheel all day for it.

I can run dialog in my head about how it was justified due to constraints out of my control, but those points of logic are not going appease the emotional side, not one iota,,,

At least i didn’t have to put them down: that particular deed is NEVER easy. Voodoo was the hardest so far, and I personally feel each time, that deed gets harder, cuts deeper, leaves scars on the soul that only get more sensitive with tme.

And I know there will come a day when I have to make that call again, and I will hesitate, and possibly prolong the agony of the one I love. Its a double edged sword. It cuts deep. And no one I know, knows how to handle that sword well. And I don’t know that I would like someone that could handle that sword well. It takes a cold heart to not be affected.

I’ll get over it. I was able to not get TOO attached, but that bond was starting to form. The eyes I saw said as much on their end, and I certainly felt something too. Just glad I have no name other than ‘the wigglers’ for them.

I’m gonna call it a night on that note. Have a drink and try to enjoy the silence about the place. It definitely feels a little empty tonight, even with the kittehs layin’ about. (Cozz has another ‘tru-luv’ and will return when it runs its course.)

Love y’all Stay Curious

Live

LOVE deeply

Laugh as you can

Learn to heal

LOAD!!!