two day rainout,,,

Dio not happy,,,

I wrote a post up last night for early publication, but, well, this’uns gotta take its place.

WHat the hell am I even doing these days. I have way more skills than this company can use, and I still struggle with meetiing ends.

Because I am not utilizing those skills, I hold cards close to my chest and I don’t know why. FEAR? Fear of failure? No, not that, fear of success?

theres something to that. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but that one started a ringing noize.

I do NOT want to go find another “J.O.B.” I’m sick of being at the mercy and whims of others for income. And ya, I know, going my own route, there are going to be peaks and valleys of Feast and Scratch, so whats the difference? Flexibility? As in, I get to say WHEN I will work, or not. Yeah, there is some freedom there, but, like right now, I’d likely take on something I shouldn’t just to have something coming in. So its a catch22 situation with the “flexibility’ thing.

There is also the fear of liability thing eating at my hindside. I can easily see someone, especially round hereabouts, deciding to get a lawyer involved and my situation hasn’t the protections of an LLC yet. There has been so much going on, and finances are so low that that, has been on the backburner as low precedence. Only, maybe it should have been the foremost. (property things and Da have been the foremost the last 4 months. )

Growth requires risk of some sort. I know that. I’ve taken quite a few risks with buying Bloo, repairing Bloo, fucking up in those repairs and learning hard lessons. Now comes ‘putting it into practice’ Risks,,, And I need to do something as those bills are still festering and NOT going away (not soon anyways, and definitely not as fast as I would prefer.)

Da came up yesterday and was telling me ‘this place is hiring welders‘ ; third hand information from bad cuz, take with a grain of salt. And I pointed out ‘that place has been taking applications for 2 years and still hasn’t opened its doors. They haven’t even paved the parking lot yet.‘ To which he cocked his head to one side, thinking. There have been more than a few of those companies here the last few years. Big Gov Grants to build,, a building goes up, doors never open, and three years in, a for sale sign at the gates. I know of three large buildings/complexes built locally, that are still empty after 10 years. Its just another grift for those in the club. I think Da finally put the numbers together when I said what I did. Ptomekin Businesses to make the numbers look good and keep the currents flowing, while lining a few ‘Good Ol’boys’ pockets.

I gotta make this work,,, And I am not doing that by sitting here on my ass typing away.

And there is still a part of me that says “not here”,,, That this is the last place in the world that I want to ‘go my own way’. Maybe thats part of my fear of success thing too. I don’t, and haven’t stated any other, that I ‘like’ this area. I call it the ‘Armpit of Kentucky’ for a reason. And if any of you have lived here for any length of time, you could concur that ‘the Hillbilly Mafia’ is real, and most definitely controlls WHO makes it off the floor. I don’t fit that list. Not that I even care about that list as I have no intention of ever running a company that will have dozens of employees or chase after some political/elected office. But I would still have to deal with those that do. I recall Son of Bossman attempting to get on to the Board of Education a few years back and running smack dab into that HBM thing. He’s never tried again. The Corruption runs DEEP and his take on it was “I’d never get the stink off”

I’m off. Gonna go out an put up Bizzy cards on all the corkboards at all of the places that allow self advertising. roll the dice, take the risk. Won’t pay today I know, but something has got to give, and it won’t be me (giving up).

LLLLL!!!

(, ‘)