a memory, and a wordspill

back when, way backawhen,,,   I read a short story called “Flowers for Algernon”.  I think I may have been 9 or 10 when I read it, and the main point of the story, that they found a way of making people into Geniuses, grabbed my attention, but the story goes on to show, that turning A’ltons key (t think that is right, apologies to Orson if I am off.) follows with a more rapid decay into dementia.    

That!!! 

is my biggest fear.   I know that if I ever start showing signs such as we see in our (p)Resident, I am probably going to find the nearest tool of destruction and take a one-way walk into the woods BEFORE I get so far gone that I couldn’t,,,   

My biggest fear is losing my mind.

Now, I know that I am not the smartest brain on the planet, But I ain’t exactly below 100 on the IQ scales either.   And no, sorry, am not going to tell you what that number is, though I will tell you that I turned down membership to a certain group: I don’t abide their political bend.  Besides, after a certain point, I think the Stoopid ‘comes back’, especially when it comes to including other humans in your calculations: most of those at that level ‘don’t get it’ and see all of us as widgets, ‘not human’,,,

I am smart enough to know that there are MANYMANY things I don’t know, and also smart enough to know there are things that I don’t even know I don’t know.   It gets a little confusing, but yeah, there are many things I don’t know and the more I learn, the more I learn that I have to learn more.   When I started my self-education in machining, foundry work, mechanical engineering/tinkerer, each thing learned opened up five more doors to stuff I didn’t know.  it was a HUGE rabbithole and I still have not reached its depths.   (partly because I became entranced with kayaks and boat design, and building them).  

Its similar to what I don’t know about 3D printing (everything) and how many aspects of that that I don’t know I don’t know.  I may have researched machines, but that doesn’t mean I know jack about the process, or how to program the machine so I can go on to other things.   I would imagine that CNC rules somewhat apply, but I don’t KNOW,,,  (but I know I don’t,, )

Confuzzed yet?

I think what I am getting at, is that no one person can know it all, and when I run into those that act like they know it all, I tend to be a little belligerent with them.   And I am no expert, despise those that lay claim to it, and similarly, me/belligerent. too many times I have ran into that EXPERT, or CERTIFIED so and so, and found that they were pretty damned dense, and learned only so much,

and STOPPED.

scrreeeccchhhhhiCRUNCH,,,,   WTF?    

For the love of GOD why?   

I am a good welder.   I know that I don’t know everything there is to know about the skill.   I can MIG, TIG GMAW SMAW, Gas weld, Braze, solder, and even forge weld (somewhat, not always successfully) but there is far more about it that I don’t know

but I have welded circles around some “Certified Welders” who were “Expert”.   

I was a damned good sound guy.  Could mix any band put on stage and as long as they had some talent, could even make them sound good.  (the better the talent, the easier my job.  no talent: can’t polish a turd but there were a few I tried like hell to do just that: it was my job,,,).  BUT, I know that there were guys out there that were far better than I, and I never claimed to know it all, would question those that were much better than myself, not to bug them (though it could have been construed as such) but to learn more about what I was doing.   I read the covers off TWO of the Yamaha sound manuals, went to V-Dosc school where I learned about Phased Line Arrays and how acoustics could be manipulated by proximities, literally making walls of sound that didn’t distort or vary by distance and completely directional. We could run a system in a venue at 110dB and you could stand next to the array at right angles to it and hold a hushed conversation.     And now I see guys playing with tone generators ‘warping water’ and know there is MUCH more that I never even fathomed about sound. (and that the military/DARPA have been playing with sound as a weapon, with much more physical effects than just blowing your ears out; like burning skin sensations and physical pain without physical damage.) 

I fear losing all of that,,,

Its really the only thing that I can truly call mine: I invested a ton of time into learning these things, perfecting my knowledge with practical application, and even earning a buck or two along the way doing these things.   

I saw something recently about readers.   “The guy that knows how to read, but doesn’t, has no advantage over the guy that doesn’t know how to read at all”

and 99% of the knowledge in my head came from books.   Well, maybe 89% from books and the remaining 11% was by busted knuckles.   Both are valid learning tools.(and sometimes, maybe MOST times, the busted knuckles are the BEST learned lessons.  (The “Don’t Do Thats”, LOL)  

BUT, knowing it is one thing.   TEACHING IT, is another.   The real challenge is knowing that if I don’t write it out, or teach it to others, at some point in the future, I won’t be here to write it out or teach it, and what is in this rather cramped up cranium/information storage and retrieval system will be just dust (after it goes from goo, to gunk, then wormfood,,,). 

Thats why I love the printed word.   Those words are from someone who may not be here anymore, hasn’t been here for centuries, but we can still see into their mind, their knowledge, and either refute it, regain it, and even build on it.   

And why I want to teach.   I know my time is short (compared to whats behind me already,,,) and I have wanted to teach since before I left the Higherschool age.   And I do try, and part of my exasperation with the J.O.B. is teaching these guys simple tricks to make their lives easier and watching them for a bit.   They at first are all “Dude, thats awesome,” and a week later are right back to the same old same old, and act like what I showed them is NEW AGAIN,,,,    or the ‘Oh, yeah, I forgot,,,’     

That sort of shit drags me down,,,,

And I NEVER want to let my mind go so far that I am emulating that level of Idiocy.