Thats the thought that has been through and through my head today.
Kind of a slow day at the J.O.B. thingy. started off with the usual mayhem of scramble to get everyone situated with what they need to do their job. In one case, I was rushed to make a gate and Dog-leg pole for a job. One they knew about on Thursday, but didn’t tell me about till this mornin’. Usual Muhnday crisis kinda stuff.
BUT, once all of that is out of the way, I was pretty much wrapped up for the day. Getting ready to leave, nothing left to do, I get the word from Bossman, go see such-n-such client, they have a kennel that needs made,,,,
Gotcha. easy peasy stuff and one that will give me a couple days of work I can count on.
and thats where the balance thing started. How to balance my needs, with my desire to not ‘milk the clock’ but still keep the job goin’. I hate milking time, I like to get in there, get the stuff done, and if that means my days get cut short, so be it. That doesn’t help my pay any though. There must be a balance.
I do it to myself, I know it. I could probably get away with piddlin’ every day so long as I was there ‘on call’ for when things are needed (and there have been times where that very circumstance happened). But I feel like I am cheating them.
I know, I know, Gotta take care of number one first, and number one is ME, but I also despise thieves and dishonesty and am definitely one of the “Leadership by example’ types, and if I want honesty in others, I need to show it myself.
But there are days where I feel like I am the one being cheated. Cheated because they KNOW I won’t milk that clock,,,,
I may be the highest paid person there(by hourly rate), but I am also the one that takes home the least because I don’t get as many hours. And I have seen crews go out for what should be a 3 or 4 hour job and take 10 hours to do it, and nothing is ever said to them (that I am aware of,,,)
BOHICA,,,,
——————-
And there is the balance of the rest of my world that I am working on. Slowly but surely, I am working on a future for ME, that doesn’t include Employers, Bossman or even Son of Bossman. Lack of income slows that quite a bit, but I have found that there are ways of starting that ball rolling without needing to invest monetarily. Like the book thing, I invested quite a bit of my time there, but not much in cash, and that is bringing in something. No where near what I would like, but that again is on me: lack of marketing, improper methods in editing or market research or whatever, but I have learned even more by ‘screwing up’ than I would have ever learned by following some script of some group that ‘guarantees’ a best seller, for a price,,, LOL. Yeah, right! Probably could have learned even more if I had reached out for a mentor, maybe even had better sales, but, I did it the way I did it and,,,,
I ain’t done with that either,,,, Still plugging the sequel, and I have mentioned a time or two that I may have to revise the original to make the sequel flow (out of me) better. Even discussed this over the weekend in meat space,,, And there are more stories lurking in the eaves, just off stage in the dark, but getting louder with each passing year.
And balance,,, The writer, with the kayaker, with the employee, with the,,,,,
You get it, right? Trying to find that balance that keeps me upright, mobile and active, and still maintain ME and my happiness. I have been on the successful side of things, and was flippin’ miserable because I lost ME in there somewhere. The drive devoured everything I was and when It all started to fall apart, realized I had no friends left that I could turn to, even just as an ear to listen.
Ground and center, focus on what I can affect, and
as B said ot me once. “Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.” LOL
So, tonight, I sit and read one of my favorite NON-Heinlein reads, imagine smelling that salt air of the east coast and dream of kayaking tides and coastlines,
and focus on my desires, pulling them a little closer to reality: working for myself and being independent of some J.O.B,,,,
