Early Freeday mornin’
Rant, post, bilge water dump, dunno, but I am just letting the valves loose at this point to see what happens. —————————————————
Been doing a lot of online lectures and interviews, falling down a rabbit hole of a ‘psychological minefeild’ if you will. Jordan Peterson, Huberman, Brandt, a litany of others, some actual psychologists, one a licensed therapist, neuro’scientists’, political voices, and one or two that would easily fall into the ‘tin foil hat’ catagory depending on what you believe or not. Some of it is relevant information with years of study and experimentation behind it, some of it is the hodgepodge of ” ‘what if’ while tokin’ on a blunt” sort of stuff.
The studied stuff I pay CLOSE attention to, the other stuff, I toss into the maelstrom of my non-linear biological based processing unit and say “here, chew on this and try to make sense of it”
I’m doing this for a couple of reasons: 1) I need to ‘hear’ peoples voices again. Been living in my own head for way to long with only the ‘my’ voices and those of my characters (trust me, Teena can be that caterwaulling harpy at times, grates on my Medulla oblongata it does) And 2) I need those voices to help ‘retrain’ my cognitive processes: I need that vocal input to be finer edged, like my visual inputs are. When you live with Kats for years, and have the social life of a rock, you lose the ability to process human voices quickly. Not altogether, but enough it makes some situations ‘complicated’. (not being able to hear well is part of why I retreated too. Have hearing aids, and need to use the fuckers more,,,,)
But I also have some Psych issues that have been compounding. Anxiety for one. For example, when I first started kayaking, NO ANXIETY whatsoever. I recall sitting in my Carolina on the river, kicked back in the cockpit with my legs on the foredeck, paddle laid across my belly and just floating along in slow moving water, NO WORRIES. Now, I get uptight and tense if I can see reflections on the water. I ask myself “where did this come from?” and have no solid answers, but something, IN ME, shifted at some point, and I never addressed it and it has been compounding. Last week when I did the ‘get wet first’ exercise: that helped, A LOT, and I will continue doing that. I still recall when I blew up on Brudder B at the Pigeon (and there were a multitude of reasons there as to why, but ultimately, ME was the problem and I lost control.) I still hold myself to task over that,,, Forgiveness may have been granted, but not inside me.
And yet, just this week, I approached B about doing the BIg South Fork of the Cumberland river. mostly class 1 stuff, but two sections that are class 3 (water level dependent of course)
What changed?
2023 has been a VERY busy year for me for one,,,, Mental education (self inflicted), Challenged protocols and said to hell with public opinion (took BJ on two white water courses and had a flippin blast!) and I found ‘another’ boat that ‘fits me’ how I like (untested as yet, but so close to the Pirouette that it may as well be the same boat) My J.O.B. status has improved, at least financially, if not in respect (which has also grown some, with regards from Bossman)
And I am growing up,,, (FINALLY!!! LOL)
I guess you can say that, that way,,,, I am not looking at life as a chore these days. I do the Day J.O.B., not because its what I want to do (like it was when I mixed sound) but because I prefer having a means, not on the dole. And that means is paying for my Water times, and keeping me fed,,, that last is sort of important if you know what I mean,,,
There is something about the kayaking thing that my soul is demanding. It may be the peace of floating away from everyone and everything ‘Societal’, getting back in touch with THE REAL WORLD, or it may be that there are challenges there that I NEED, and then again, it may be “All of the Above” and some not listed. That pull is STRONG,, like hovering at the Event Horizon of a Black Hole Strong.
———— SO, I am basically doing ‘self therapy’, and there are some reasons I don’t list here for that: some things just don’t need to be public knowledge IMO, though I don’t bottle them up either,,, I only share that stuff amongst the well trusted and ONLY in Meatspace; but it has a lingering effect over the whole so NEEDS dealt with. I have confidence issues that weren’t obvious until this anxiety thing started rearing its head while in water. I need to bolster my self-discipline more (but I have known that one) and recognize when my struggles are due to internal dialogues, and how I can ‘steer’ this klownKar called Dio when that becomes an issue.
One thing I have found, and this may or may not help others, YMMV: I don’t ‘FORCE’ the issues. I know I need to be doing more exercises at home, not just when I get out to go paddling. Know it, KNOW IT,,, For F!’s sake: I’m fidddyFi!, youth is in the rearview mirror, and the body can be the worst tyrant if not kept in check.
But I always fight it “man, I’m beat after working all day, I’ll do it tomorrow” and tomorrow never comes (reach for the sky MF’er!) and so nothing comes of it. Well, I started doing this game with myself. Instead of saying “I need to do 5 minutes of planks tonight” (Sheer torture technique this exercise) I would get in front of the mirror and say “ya-know, that “dad-bod” look,,,, Yeah, might wanna work on that” and then let the hind brain do its thing that night. No pushing, no ‘trying to compromise’,, just self assessment and let the hind brain chew on it.
And guess what,,, The other night, I came home, jumped on the Erg for 15 minutes and then did 3 minutes of Planks. (and the dopamine rush was FUCKIN’ AWESOME!) I was fired up to ‘do something’ despite being worn out and achy back from standing on cold concrete for 8 hours. Part of my brain doesn’t like that ‘dad-bod’ look and decided, ‘fix this’,,, Certainly not the intelligent side of things that has been trying, but the ‘animal side’ that actually gets shit done.
Once the ball has started, it’s much easier to keep it rolling. Last night I did not do a thing, and today, I feel ‘let down’ by that fact. BUT, my sinuses aren’t making like open faucets today as they were last night, and I will be doing something today. If I don’t get out and put some miles on the boats, I will be doing something here at home. (I do not do weight training. Haven’t, since the last time I had, I injured my self. Found that Isometrics is plenty for me (and high reps: like 10000 paddle strokes of a 2# paddle,,,, Yeah, thats a work out, believe me.) If I do lift a weight, its low (5-10#) and to isolate a specific area for some reason. Doesn’t happen all that often and more often than not, my 10# weights are used for laminating paddle blanks or sumsuch.
Another thing I started this week: Cutting Caffiene. One cuppa in the morning, no cocacolas during the day, non-caffinated stuff during the day, and more clear water than this carcass is used to. Took a toll at first as I felt lethargic as all get out, but after 2 days,,, The energy started coming back (and may be why I had a sudden downturn of a seasonal cold,,, You change body chemistry like that you open yourself up to bad stuff too, at least temporarily. But “tis the season” so to speak.) I am trying this since there is some study showing that high caffeine levels are related to anxiety disorders, and I’ve HAD a high caffeine intake for quite awhile now. Dunno if thats the case, but hell, I will try anything once (or twice),,,, It certainly can’t hurt none (and might be a boon)
And it’s been noted that my ‘grumpiness’ at work toned down. Enough that one of my co-Emps asked if I was stoned,,,, LOL No!,,,
And I find that world events aren’t hitting me between the eyes like they were. Not Apathy,,, I still care. I just don’t get all hyped up on them the same way. Like this mess with taking Trumped off the ballot in Colorado: Meh! so the fuck what, its not like they don’t graft whatever votes they need to win on anyways. But it does open up a pandoras box of shit as “Legal Precedence” for all sorts of political shenanigans (like removing the incumbant from ballots for failure to uphold basic Constitutional Means, like secure borders,,,,) But care about it?
Why? I have no say in matters. I am once voice in 350M peeps in one country. one voice in 8B peeps on this blue/green marble circling a minor star in one arm of a galactic cluster of stars. My best efforts should be to improve my life as much as I can and hope HOPE, that my example means something to someone elsewhere and that their efforts to improve themselves will encourage others. I can’t be the instructor, but I CAN be the example, and I don’t want to be the ‘Bad’ example.
and OH, boy, does I need some improvements. I look in that virtual mirror everyday: the one I linked to within Japanese philosphy. Three ways of power, the Jewel, the Sword, and the Mirror. I haven’t the means for the Jewel, I have the Sword, at personal level, but won’t use that for power, just self protection, but that Mirror,,,,, That one’s powerful like you wouldn’t believe,,, Think about it this way: Whom do you remember the best, Emporor Hirohito, or Buddha? which one used the Mirror and which the Sword and Jewels.
And the Mirror is available to ANY that would look for it. Or look INTO it. Are you a reflection of your strongest beliefs, or a reflection of a whacked out society going through emotional breakdowns due to Technological upheavals and political malfeance?
Look into that mirror, you may not like the answer, but if you see it, you can fix it.
or at least TRY
And that’s the first step, RECOGNIZE
R.A.I.N. recognize, accept, isolate, negate. (there are other accepted versions of this, but this is the one that works for me)
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Not too long ago, I wrote in a post “I’m tired, dog tired, of this world, the bullshit, the politics, TEH STOOOPID,,,” (paraphrased,,,,) but this week, not so much. I’m feeling more alive this week, anxious to get moving, but a healthy anxious, not the nervous anxiousness I have been fighting. Like I mentioned: I approached Brudda B about doing BSF, not the other way around. Now, I will say, I won’t do that route with anyone else at this stage, and the reason is “TRUST”,,, I know there are others that are more than competent, but they haven’t established the trust factor that I have with B. I bailed on a run with another group because of that trust (lack of). I had no issues with that trust factor in April with CKY and that WW class, but that was due to my having already been on the river twice before. Fresh water PFD(personal first descent)? not so much. Now, if either of the instructors from CKY were to offer to lead me down that route, I would consider, because they both earned some Cred with me in that course. Others, left unmentioned; well, when I see their antics, I shy off. (and I got to see some of those antics while at CKY,,,, go on kidz, has fun, but I won’t be with ya,,,,)
I’m not so tired now,,, I know where I stand, what I can deal with, where I need to improve, where I can push limits (how a body grows up,,,) and that whatever the world does, I will respond accordingly, as needed, and until then, I do ME as best as I can. It’s not a ‘fuck the world’ attitude, its directely relateable to “Don’t tread on me” as in, Don’t tread on me, and I won’t tread on you.
And I see those figureheads from around the world that grab for power and see how hollow they actually are. They build this image for power but inside, they are shallow little things with nothing of merit, no ‘belonging’, no connection to Reality past ‘more power’
I pity them. I know that when they are reabsorbed into the Quantum cloud, they will be disbanded/obliterated into basic parts to be sent back: lesson unlearned, try again. THAT, to me, would be “Hell”. (and I just hinted at some of my beliefs,,, Does it counter ‘Christianity’ in anyway? IMO, they are completely compatible, minus a bunch of dogma.)(that dogma can be used to explain a lot though, as Jordan Peterson has shown me,,, I just don’t abide the bible thumpers that demand “jezuz is the WAY,,, NO OTHER!”* with zero explanation of morallity or ethics, as if just making the claim is ‘enough’,,, As my G-Ma said, ‘your mind (soul) is like a jar of peanut butter, you can’t use it if its closed.’)
I’m gonna stop that thread right there before it starts a kat-fight in comments. I can defend my position, but I refuse to do so in the electronic arena where faces can’t be seen, or punched, when out of line. Too many bad actors that get to play with zero accountability and willingness to say ‘shit’ because they need not worry about ‘payback’ (just change accounts and carry on is the MO when the heat is on.)
The quick and dirty for the TL:DR crowd,,, I am feeling better about myself, the world and my age within both. and while I have some outside issues that are not under my control, I am at peace with them. ( if you’re reading this Ang. I miss you and the kids,,, The door is always open, and always will be,,,)
So, keep on livin’ , nuff said.
sub note*: I do have a bias here,,, A lot of that stuff was FORCED on me as a kid and many of the actors in that play were cardboard cut-outs of our current PTB,,, The hypocrisy was rampant, and I recall that over any moral uprightness. And I did grow up during all the Evanglical Turmoils and corruption which only reinforced my observations of “Grifters using Religion for personal gain”, though at the time, I didn’t have that synopsis, I just knew it wasn’t right,,,,And I see much the same thing happening within the Catholic ranks now, with the so-called “Anti-Pope” and the message shifts to abide by “Woke” ideology. At least now, with comms being so ubiquitous, you can see there are solid factions within the ranks that aren’t buying the bullshit, and that eases my mind that ‘maybe there is something to this’. I still hold my beleif that we are quantum beings in a compressed energy shell for ‘reasons’, and when this shell gives up, we return to the cloud for assessment (the makers judgement) and either return to complete the task, or remain in the cloud to become something much greater (heaven)
Anywhoos, I talk too much,,,,,
A Government of Children
No other comments needed eh?
Saw this somewhere on line and thought it should be shared around a bit. Dunno if thats a quote or just using the mans pic, but I have heard him state other obvious truths before, so I say; Run with it.
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Workin’ on my Christmas spirit here,,, has a four day weekend, tomorrow being a Freeday, and of course not really a four day weekend since the Holiday will be spent running ’round doing the Fam things.
BUT, I do have THREE full days of decent weather (if it holds) and (almost) nothing that needs Doin’ if’n I don’t feel like it.
But right now, achy back, tired, feeling a little ooggey from sinus drainage all day (been blowing like a walrus all day) and just wanna vegetate a bit tonight.
So, I think I will get RIGHT on that mission so I can say “Mission Accomplished” later,,,, Little wins add up to boost morale.
Katie, bar the door
I really shouldn’t be reading shit this early,
Saw this
Key Arab partners, particularly newly BRICS aligned UAE and KSA
Read that again
UAE!
The bankers of the Arab world,,,
They say ‘Jump!’ and even the House of Saud, jumps,,,,
The political world is turning like a high speed lathe right now, some parts are being cut loose, others are gaining structural strength.
Guess where The U.S.A. stands in that mess.
More laters. Currently fighting a sinus infection that keeps threatening my right ear. Has to keep the J.O.B. rolling too.
And its that time of year where we either freeze or swelter and that makes fighting buggies problematic. Right now its freeze, but in a few hours its gonna be swelter,,,,
The world still turns, always will, even if we reduce ourselves to nuclear ash,, But I have good reason to believe that is not going to happen. (more on that later maybe)
Interesting times, we has them,,,,
Keep on livin’
Broken, or depleted?
Or Seasonal Blahs coming to roost? Dunno, but my writing has taken a dive the last three days.
Finding something to write about,,,
I know one of these days, here soon, I will sit at this desk, start to struggle with something, and the dam will burst its walls and a torrent of words will spill forth. Thats the usual anyways,,,, Just these last few days, I sit, keyboard at hand and
nuthin,,,,
Digging on the nets seems to make it worse,,, Why the hell do I want to talk about that krazzeee BS,,, Naked boymen doinking each other in the Senate Chambers,,, FUggDAT! its just one more symptom in a diseased Administration at the cusp of total failure.
Bring it. Lets get this shit over with so the adults can come back in and clean house.
BUT
I don’t see that happening until after November 2024,,, When the Fraud is so in your face and smelling of Colonoscopy bag contents that even the most ardent Demoncraptastic supporter will blush in embarassment.
We’ll see, right? I doubt they will start the round ups before then, but then, they will have to push the limits of Fascism to extremes to ‘keep control’, with the corralary that the harder they push, the more people wake up and push back.
We’ll see,,,,
Small failure
100# propane tanks, Two of ’em. Bought used so there is that. Swapped over to the ‘new’ full tank on the 10th, came home from the J.O.B. and the pilot light was out on my wall heater. Huh? Eight days of heat than nuthin? whazzupwiddat?
OK, so face the facts, OLD tank, and everyone always paints them,
but almost no one ever paints the bottom of them,,, That thing is a rust monster down there and if it ain’t leaking from there, I would be surprised.
Anywhooos,,, I ran to fill up the alternate tank (was on the list but figured it got me 35 days last run, it could wait a week or two.) and pulled out that $100 I had sitting in my wallet (waiting to be joined by others come Christmas bonus) to fill the ‘good’ tank. Looks like my plans of using the Christmas bonus to buy a new dry suit just got nixed with needing to buy a new tank.
And if you think I won’t repurpose that old tank,,,,, HA! I has plans already in place for that little pig. It may not hold pressurized fuels, but it sure can hold a a hot fire. (and yes, I will pull the valve and flush the thing out BEFORE I go cutting on it. No boomies if I have any say of it.) Wanna turn it into a little ‘potbellied’ stove for when I am outside working on Buff or kayaks. I have some 4″ pipe that will work as a flue/chimney. Won’t be my first ‘propane’ stove I have made, likely won’t be my last either (especially if things keep current trends. People are gonna want alternatives to heat places, and wood burners, even jury-rigged ones, are better than nothing.) Who knows, I may even repurpose an old BBQ grill burner to put inside it and use that as a space heater for when outside. Thinking of how to make that the most efficient (and gonna have to clean all of that nasty Aluminum paint off the thing before I ever fire it; propane OR wood, whichever I end up doing,,,,)
It’s snowing today. Funny that Satyrday, I was ditching cold gear by noon (went from freeze ya solid to sweat’n ballz in 6 hours) And right now, that wind out of the north is razor sharp,,,, Kitteh are all looking out the windows wistfully, but not distraught about being inside kats right now. They’re not stoopid,,,
But all of us are looking for that door to summer right now,,,,
Four more months before things really start to feel like that change is coming,,,
The ‘P’ in my name stands for Patience.
There isn’t a P in your name Dio.
yah, no shit, huh? LOL
Work arounds,,,,
firing one off from the hip this mornin’
I has a wee problem. Not a huge one as there is also the time/money/space holy trinity thing that needs addressed IF I were to wanna run that route, (I really don’t, not really; keep reading you’ll understand.)
Lists
We’s all on one. Or more than one, maybe even need a database to keep track of how many lists we are on, since No one I know can keep track of the number of ‘three letter agencies’ there are now,,,, Hell, they can’t keep track of it either and need Fusion Centers and AI to compute the wealth of information we willingly give them. But I digress,,,
Here’s my wee problem. IF, big if, I were to start ordering a bunch of FPV equipment, with my history of certain book (upper right sidebar, buy buy buy,,, Please, LOL) I would have visitors in a heartbeat, wanting to know what I was up to. If I were to start buying chromalloy tubing, same thing. and thats not going to get into the obvious stuff of bulk acids or some of the other stuff that I ‘hint’ at in that book. (yes, I do know the techniques and processes: No, I ain’t gonna share across electrons,,,) An order from me for any of those things: REDFLAG in some darkened office in deepstate.
But there are workarounds,,,,
And those workarounds start where we should all be focusing our efforts: Local Networks. Not just friends and fam, but business, power, food, you name it. when shit goes south, that truck isn’t gonna hump potatoes from Idaho to your place in EastBooFoo Tennessee,,,
This isn’t just a workaround to actually build an FPV Drone system as described, its the work around for EVERYTHING. Get your groups, work the system locally so that you know the whoms and whatzits, and keep in mind, that when things REALLY go bad, there will be turncoats aplenty: have it in your head that ‘trusted’ may become traitor in an eyeblink, and how you might have to deal with that. (situationally, too many variables to make formal plans,,, Semper Gumby is the rule to work under.)
2024 is certain to be ‘interesting’,,, The ground work is being laid before our very eyes, the predictive programming has begun, and these last 4 years since the first experiment was rolled out are starting to show accumulation as we approach the turn into this new year.
And NO ONE knows what comes next, especially the Asshats that are trying to foment something,,,, I think they are the least grounded of the groups, to be honest. They have it in thier heads that things are ‘just so’, but they ain’t,,,,(bcuz of people like US,,,)
Don’t get on the cattle cars, don’t eat the bugs, don’t fold when you should punch. Punch the fuckers in the throat, grab ’em by the balls (or whatever sensitive parts they have) and STAND for whats right. We are winning,,, When I saw Elon Musk state the most OBVIOUS thing that these fuckers avoid like the plague, I KNEW we were winning.
But it’s not over by a long shot,
and no one knows what crazy ass twist the road we are on, is going to take next. ( not that he would take the offer if given, but wouldn’t it be a hoot if Elon were put in the Oval Office? ROFLMAO at what could/would happen if that were to be,,,,)
Now with all of that said, I am quite content with things at this point. I see the ‘numbers’ changing on the graphs, showing how everything sucks and getting worse, but I also see the mindsets of those around me, the ‘real numbers’ that matter, hardening up, getting it into the hindbrain that ‘good times’ are on the other side of “SUCK” and there is no way around it, only through,,,. That encourages me, because those are people that I know, that can affect the outcomes at the LOCAL, not asshats 2000 miles or more away that THINK they are ‘tehPOWER’.
I am content that this game will play out and I will see ‘something’ in my lifetime, (basic assumption I live that long, not wiped out in the first ’round up’; cuz NO, I ain’t getting in that box car and I WILL take an honor guard with me,,,,) what ‘that something’ is, I have not a clue; but it won’t be this Bullshit Game that is playing out now. What I suspect, and I think most of my readers will concur, is that the Justice that SHOULD be done, won’t be, but those that I refer to ‘needing justice’ won’t be welcome in very many places.
I see the liberal institutions, as in Universities and such, FAILING. I see alternatives, like Hillsdale College, Jordan Petersons Online Academy, The Tuttle Twins series of educational books (link at bottom, no longer an affiliate but still suggest those with little get them) I see locally, parents seeing the FAIL that is our ‘public education’ and taking efforts to correct the problem by homeschooling, even if just a little here and there (two ‘rents working, that can be a chore and a half. And in this economy, it sometimes takes both working just to hold the line,,,) We are going to take step back to simpler methods, but we are not going to fall back to stones and bones either. (unless they EMP the shit out of us,,, Possible, but unlikely,,,,)
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While at camp, I left the phone in the Buffalo until the last minute. I did occasionally check for VM or Emails, (mostly spam ) but it stayed in the truck, unplugged, and even after a full day, was still sitting at 80% battery life.
And I didn’t miss it,,,,
As much as I use this phone for purt much everything, even using it over the LapTop these days,,,,, I didn’t miss it. I needed that break.
And today my mind is clearer than it has been since July,,, If it weren’t for the fact that its my main communication channel, I would leave it at home (like I do my laptop) when I go off to the J.O.B. ( I do leave it in the trucks while on work sites, and try to get the others to do the same,,,, To many times I look up and see some head bent over, checking fakebook shit,,,, Leadership by example has merit, but only with those that have self respect as well: how can you respect others if you have none for you?)
Anywhoooz,,,, tummy is growlin’ and threatening my ribcage with auto-cannibalism. Its domestics day and I am not in a scramble to get packed up at camp to get home to handle that stuff.
More laters,,,,,
I’m home now
T’ain’t ded, nor froze solid (though this mornin’, thought it might be possible)
Home now, Buff unloaded (other than the firewood not burned and I’ll deal with that tomorrow) Kittehs appeased, and I am showered
Good vibes all around,
Left early since they are calling for dropping temps and wet weather and we really didn’t feel the desire to be freezing in the rain to pack out sodden gear. That would have countered all the good accomplished.
And I didn’t get T-totalled,,,, Tipsy, not falling into the fire drunk,,,, Wooohoooo!
more tomorrow, just gonna ride this wave of good into the shore of Soma tonight.
Dio's Workshop 