the reply that blow’d up

That man was not intended to be alone,,,,

Well, yeah, sorta hard to argue that if you account for Binary Genders, if you want to use the modern sciencey term for it, Or that Eve was created from Man, as the blblio/theocratic angle, or any number of things.

Heres a fact for you. I have been single for 15 years, BY CHOICE, and NO, T’ain’t Ded yet, and I don’t need to go into details of that private area,,, things still function as they should.

It was a choice, readily made and currently in question, but,

HUGE BUT,,,,

After 5 relationships that I was on the short end of the stick, the pointy end, the expensive end, the emotional turmoil end, etc etc etc

Once bitten twice shy, or in my case, Trying to keep the remaining appendages I have intact. Getting too long in tooth to start anew like that. At least I can say in the last one, that things went far better when I finally saw the light and that splitsville was inevitable,,,, We remained friendly, (seeing how she got that house that she has been renting out for 14 years; yeah, better be a bit friendly IMO,,,,)

A guy hits a point, and trust in the Femme Fatale gets right thin,,, LOVE all women,,,, I do, But trust ’em,,,, Not so much. And my observations of ‘modern’ woman has me a little biased as well. I like a strong minded woman, but not the narcisist, and unfortunately, they are often one and the same.

As for looking around here,,,, I can’t even find anywhere local I am comfortable hanging out to even look,,,, I track 80 miles to a town where I actually feel comfortable enough to ‘let my hair down’ (and hoo-boy, have I on occasion,,,, gotta watch that, might get a reputation or something,,,)

I have tried a ‘singles kayak’ group, and that went flop real fast,,, communications being the issue and I am not going to check EVERY, SINGLE. PUT-IN. around a Lake because the coordinator didn’t know how to put a pin in a map and the address was WRONG,,,,

I even tried to ‘create’ an event once, a moonlight kayak event. I had three people show up for it even with 100 ‘interested’s’ (maybe I need to try that one again,,,,and again,,,, until something clicks,,,)

Do these sound like excuses? They aren’t intended as such. I am picky as hell these days, and it only takes ONE fib to turn me off from a party of interest.

I have stated that being an INTJ, there are times where I would rather hold interviews for the next “Mrs Dio” than keep trolling the shallows, hoping on chance.

AND, the last couple of years, the desire to ‘not be single’ has grown, but I reached a point of “I’ll know when I see her” and until then, I just keep my eyes peeled, and try to expand myself into areas where “she” might be. Here ain’t it,,, I can tell you that now, and going into details of why????? Just think about the guys I talk about from work, and swap genders,,,, No, they ain’t all like that, but I have not found any that are willing to talk about religion, politics, science, writing, READING, Or even willing to hold a dead tree book long enough to finish a chapter, and that doesn’t even approach the kayaking thing that I will NOT surrender,

that would be like asking me to chop of my legs at the knee for the ‘greater good’,,,,

I’m a picky bastard, open minded, but I know there are some areas where I can not compromise: honesty, INTELLIGENCE, tolerance for a person AS THEY ARE, not wanting to change them (which is what all those in the past tried and failed in, and then the fun began,,, )

And I want to start as friends,,,, not BF/GF or some silly other moniker that can be misinterpreted by everyone…

So, yeah, maybe in some way, maybe in most ways, my being a bachelor could have something to do with my soul-searching right now. I ain’t a bettin’ man though. Some of this may be the ‘story’ reaching inside and twigging heartstrings,,,, It may be that ‘uncomfortable truth’ sneaking in and trying to freak me out again (down, bad dog, I had you tamed in Kuwait!!!!) And it could be that I recently hit a milestone I NEVER thoguht I would see when I was younger, and some of those questions I posed are reflections of things long gone,,,,

And I have never been one to ‘just exist’,,, I wanna live, everyday, Learn, EVERY DAY, and be a better human tomorrow than I am right now. Sure, sharing that would be nice, but finding that someone this far along,,, I know the odds,,,,,

But I keep looking around,,,