No problems,

only unseen solutions.        That is written on the wall at work (yeah, I wrote it there,,, whutuvit?)

and today, I opened my day with reading a delayed post by Sarah.

I am my own worst enemy.   Was trained for years at it by my second biggest naysayer,,,   My Da.   Love him to death and will ride the winds of fate to keep near him until he passes over, but it took me years to realize that much of my negativity is from him.   And I am most negative in reflection: always wondering if ‘could I have done that better’ or hesitating from lack of confidence.  Hesitation that can lead to total procrastinating failure.

I find times like now, where I see my target, my spirit DEMANDS that target, and suddenly, things ‘click’ into place and ‘target acquired’ just happens,,,,    Times like now are when I get the reputation of being a “Do-er”,  usually these things happen in the J.O.B. because my work ethic (again, straight from the Da) is made from meteoric nickel/iron alloys, heated in the heart of the sun and forged at the bottom of a 5000 mile gravity well by blackhole hammers.  The Job will be completed, period, end discussion.   Its a main reason I was so successful at the touring thing, the whole ‘the show must go on’ was not just a cliche to be spouted, it was more ‘straight from the mouth of God’ commands: literal miracles seem to just ‘happen’ to make the show.   Not real miracles mind you, but to someone outside without the technical background, they could look like magic.  (running a three phase power system using house current and three extension cords sort of stuff.  Yes, had to do that a  time or three.)

None of us perfect.  

None of us, with very few exceptions, are ‘where we want to be’. (doncha know that only fools are satisfied,)

And it took me decades to figure that shit out.   I still have my days where ‘I forget’ those particular points.   I have days where my personal hairshirt gets B to start threatening me with a beat down out back, ‘if you don’t quite talkin’bout yourself like that’.  I get that ‘stoopid hooman’ look from mama on a daily basis: how can I not when she is the ‘perfect creature; KAT’ and knows it with every ounce of her diminutive self.

In some ways, I  AM one of the ‘Where I want to be’ types.   I built my own home, went off–grid, live on my terms in a world that is NOT friendly to that, and live by Professor de la Paz doctrine; ignoring those laws that I find annoying, and obeying the ones that least inhibit me.  On those observations, I am as successful as can be.   I will be envied by some that see (as Sarah states, from 100′ up) the world I have built for myself, not seeing the internal strifes that continue to plague me,,,,     My position in life is due to that negativity that my Da instilled in me, not despite it.

That knowledge is a very sharp, atomic level sharp razor that cuts deep.   Knowing that my negative side, which I despise (circular logic downwards spiral type thinking) is also the foundation that built me to ‘here’ (slow crawl upward spiral growth) 

YIN and YANG.   but there is no black and white, just varied shades of grey along the path of life: my darker times even come back to my brain as if in dimmer light, under storm cloud light, My good times always seem brighter, spring weather sunshining bees buzzing and daffodils blooming light.     I know its a trick of the brain, but,,,,

There are no problems, just unseen solutions.   A door closes, a window opens.  LIFE GOES ON.

Go Live It.  

That is my goal this weekend, not just ‘getting a boat’.   Will I have regrets about it?  Already do.  That negative side is telling me ‘you don’t need to spend that money!’, but the brighter side of me is saying ‘It’s ONLY money, and you can’t take it with you’, and the pragmatic side is saying, ‘Money is becoming worthless, that boat will hold some sort of value when the dollars spent on it are mere toilet paper.’   Those are the words of my mentors, My Da, My grans, a handful of my teachers,,,   Those words became the me I am today, and while I may not enjoy the lessons taught, I have to give the credit where due.  We ride on the shoulders of giants, make sure those that ride on yours get the right lessons.