As in trust in yourself.
Ohioguy tapped that out in comments a few posts back and opened up a can of worms, boy-howdy.
Spent a week at Sis’s place helping out and doing what needed doing (including chewing both her and her SO out for various reasons best left out of the spheres) but also reflecting on “ME”.
What has been causing my unsettled status? Where to look for answers, and the answer is always internal. Sometimes the reason is induced by something external (in this instance, a destructive narcissist, but ultimately, it all comes back down to “ME”.) And I have only myself to blame. I allowed the external to have influence on my self image.
Bad Dio, no cheezeburger.
Upon return, (and yes, I went back to work, not for Bossman, but for his son, with the stipulation Bossman steers clear of me or I flipping walk right then and there.) I made up my mind that I need some changes in, not just my self image, but in my life that supports it. I will be making the move from where I am, to somewhere I need to be.
I just havent decided where that ‘somewhere’ is perse.
I do know it is NOT here.
I like my little world I built here, love my behbies who share it with me. BUT,,,its smack dab in the middle of a place that has issues, and a majority of people that drag on you if you start to show any sign of being different.
Hell!!! I am different. I design and build kayaks, I write books, I FLIPPING TOURED THE US MIXING SOUND FOR LIVE BANDS FOR A LIVING.
How am I not different?!?! Far too much to list and those three points are miniscule to this discussion. I am different.
The question is how can that benefit me.
Useful I am. Different from current community; without doubt. Self-conscious of it; to a fault right now.
Time to “fix me” again, and learn to “trust me” again.
Of all the crazy shit in my life. I always bounce back better than when I fell. Time for the next chapter,,,
And all of this as we are on the cusp of an overton window,,, yay!!!(not!!!)
One of the primary reasons for leaving the homestead I had in Idaho. Which was absolutely a great place, 100% paid for and quite self sufficient. Was that I didn’t much fit in either.
Way too independent for that lock step tribe of locals, even though I grew up in that area.
Mistake I made was leaving , becoming worldly and getting a higher education.
Then returning , thinking that I’d fit in…not !
Needed a change in latitude and attitude.
Been here twenty two years now, comfortably content to be anonymous in a world of other misfits.
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Maybe thats what I need, a ‘tribe’ of misfits, all seeking better. Most what I see here is ‘don’t rock the boat’ and the few bright ones I have met hide behind clouds of dope smoke and play dumb all other times.
I’m obnoxious enough to demand better but that does rock the boat and does not help in making friends. A few. But not close, nor ‘ready to roll’ on a moments notice (they are, but travel times dictate otherwise)
Place I was looking recent wasnt much improved IMO but I truly wasnt there long enough or involved enough to get a proper feel. Another place I’ll be checking soon, and if need be, a third yet.
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