Still at shore, Lyssa still half in water, WHOOPED, n very happy.

More later.

Its been days since I last posted and to be completely honest, had nothing at all to say about anything.

Little conversation with guy at work: the lawyer student that works during the summer months.    Since that convo, my world view has been ‘its a sham, always has been a sham, and they intend to burn it down to hide the bodies of that sham vs allowing the truth to be told in full.’

not black pilled, just resigned to reality.   Going about my days on the hamster wheel of work, eat, pay bills and KAYAK when I get the minute or three.   Not even sure I am sleeping anymore since my Sub has been doing the whole REM sleep stage far more than the deep restful sleep.  Rilly strange dreams.  LOTS of rilly strange dreams.

Wake me up when October wraps up, the fireworks start soon afterwards I feel.

At least thats my impression.

more shit going down in the lost cause of the Kraine: seems someone behind the curtains feels a hot war with Russia is a  far better an option, and looking at the cast of characters in the upcoming Selections,,,,

as one commentor over at Chris Muirs place said, “Biden is cabbage, they intend on replacing him with a head of lettuce.”    and I think everyone is pretty much seeing that ‘The Steal” is well in place and that Kamala-la-la-ding-dong is the pick,,,,

If that alone doesn’t tell you that the American people haven’t had a TRUE say in the direction of this country (in decades) than nothing will.   I just wait to see if some how, some way, there is a miracle,,,, OR that there is some cataclysm that knocks us back into 1812, or  Russia/Putin finally says “ENOUGH!!!”,,,,

Daylight is creeping over the horizon right now, boats loaded, but not all of my gear,  Headed to the lake and don’t intend on returning home till sunset.   I just need some alone time: no fellow workers badgering me, no kittehs stroppin’ my face to inform me ‘foodbowls empty’ (it ain’t,,,),,,,,

yeah

keep on livin’, laughin’, and loadin’

Let us pray for another 79 (or more) without another use.

Carry on.

Post edit: was cruusing in the Buff and played this tune out,,,  when the part came up, mentioning the Enola Gay ‘on the edge of the shockwave’,,,  my mind started pondering the thoughts that may have been going through Tibbets skull.   I read the book many many years back, but dont recall that particular point being broached,,,  

He had to know that EVERYTHING had just turned on that one blast: the whole planet had just pivoted in space/time and the course had changed.   How weighty that feeling must have been.  Granted,  he was a mere ‘messenger’ not the brains behind it,

But messengers often pay the price

Oppenheimer had grave misgivings about it and was quite vocal of them.

Even Einstein; who didnt actively participate in the development,  but supplied some of the ideas behind it, shared misgivings of the ‘big stick’.

I thought 1986 was the beginning of the end to the nightmare.   And here we are.   Two ‘superpowers’ with aging questionable reliablity arsenals,  and younger upcoming countries with not so questionable “toys”.   

I can only hope the restraint shown for 79 years remains the norm.

Off the bat, fair warning, this is likely to be an VERY airheaded post,,,, I will try to provide links as I can find them, as I remember them, but,,,

here goes.

I’ve been feeling VERY discombobulated of late.  Lost in the weeds playing with my toes sort of discombobulated.   And I have had a hella time trying to figure out what was the bother,,,,

Well, I watched this video (and yes, I was confused at one point with the ‘lecture’ and still am,,,  “What did I miss here” sort of confusion,,, but for the most part, it hit home quite well.

This sorta popped up in my Utoobie feeds, after nearly a month of Alan Watts and some others,,,   

Coupled with this one, the two allowed me to look deeper at why I have felt lost in the weeds playing with my toes.

For the Record, I much prefer Alan over Neville, even though they are both English speakers, touching on the same subject matter, but from opposing points of view.   

NOW,,,, Whats been bugging me?   

SUCCESS.

wait, what?!?!

You heard me,,, SUCCESS.    As in, the more I look around me, the more I realize I have manifested EVERYTHING I wanted when I started my early wake up after my break up with the EX.

I have my own home.

I am essentially independently employed.

I have (mostly) all the things I had to jettison back then, back in my folds and useful to me.

I have done things that MOST people only dream of doing: writing and publishing a book, living off grid, going on adventures( kayaking, winter camping) driving halfway across the country to get a ‘new to me’ boat, THREE TIMES NOW,,,, etc etc etc.  

And I still have all of the adventures from prior that I can “boast” on,,, having been a touring audio dood for national acts, certified mechanic, Marine, etc etc etc

Whats been bothering me is “whats next?”

and in this political environment, that is a sketchy question for the normal day to day.   

AND, I have been craving moving my efforts to more desirable location,,,,  (well documented here,,,,)  Again, in a sketchy timeline,,,,

It hit me last night, that my ‘success’ has become what is holding me back.   I have quite literally ‘created’ my world to my imagination (damned close anyways) and now, its time to ’empty the cup’

And what ISN’T getting in the way is my age.   I have gone and ‘created’ my world several times now.   Sometimes expanding on what was,,, sometimes from whole cloth (as in when Amy and I split),,,,   Age isn’t as much a factor, but outside influences ARE.    IE: the economy, the immigration influx and its polluting some of the areas I am intereseted in, Not knowing if next week I will be on the active “hunter/killer” list for elimination,,,, you get the idea.

And I know with some of my older knowledge, I could walk away from society as a whole, and in 6 months be set up like Grizzly Adams,,,, But that way does not attract me as it did when I was really young and dumb.(for one, that way is WORK, A LOT OF WORK,,, I’m a lazy bastach despite what my history would tell you,,,,)(Think Heinleins “The man too lazy to fail” story.)

Not that works scares me,,, the scar tissue on my hands will tell you that I ain’t afraid to bleed or get my paws dirty to get a job done:  I just pay attention to the ‘work smarter, not harder’ maxim. 

Careful what you wish for, you just might get it.   And sometimes, when you do, and it seems right, at first, time will dictate that you were the fool.   And thats where I am at right now.  16 years gone,,, and I look back and think, ‘if only I had known this,,,,,’  

Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20,,,

sigh.

Hell, If I had known then, 20% of what I know now, I would have made much BETTER financial decisions when I was actually making the sort of money that encouraged investing.  (sure as shit ain’t there NOW,,,,  )

That figuring out why I have been in the tall weeds twiddling my toesies is why my anxieties fell off while kayaking.   My tensions are abated and that means my spine is now flexible again, not some 2×4 rammed up my ass to my neck. 

Now comes the ‘coming to terms’ with my manifesting side.   The one that pulled an RV out of the aether, the one that managed to convince Nudge that, yes, Dio NEEDED a Dawgum to keep his sanity, the manifestation that pulled a 17′ kayak out of the webs and tossed it in my path when I could afford it.   NONE OF THAT WAS ACCIDENTAL, and all of it is documented here. (or an older blog, but same point.)   

WE CREATE OUR OWN WORLDS, and if you aren’t getting what you desire, its probably because there is something in your thoughts underlying the desire.

And that brings me to the current external world of the “Fractured and Corrupt” that I certainly did NOT wish for,,,, BUT ENOUGH OTHERS MOST CERTAINLY HAVE,,,, and maybe, some that didn’t, inadvertently coaxed it into being by manifesting their fears.   Maybe I am equally guilty on that last,,,,    The whole situation is so complex, that no  one in particular is to blame, but in the same breath, we are ALL to blame.     We didn’t stand when we should have.  We didn’t punch the needy in the friggin’ face when they showed thier stoopid,,,,

I dunno where all of this is going.   Blog, this post, our future, you name it.  I am back out in the weeds again playing with my toes, but this time, I know WHY, and now its figuring which cup gets emptied out and which I drink from.  and just how to do that when the future is so hazy as to be an image behind fractured glass in a smoke filled room.

Keep livin’

Laugh to shake the walls.

Load up like the ‘end is nigh’.

and smile and pet the kittehs when they offer their heads your way.

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Edited to fix link, and to remind you, tomorrow is a ‘downer post’,,,,

Ain’t nuthing new eh?

And some not political stuff

More laters

Got my waves today.   Went late too.  

No anxiety issues either, not even when I was hit with clapotis near the opposing boat ramp.  I paddled from one to the one two miles off and had a couple of open water crossings along the way; didn’t just hug that shoreline.  Had the “rape your retinas” hat on so I was fully visible, and the other boaters were very respectful of my diminutive size and limited speed.      This particular put in tends to older calmer types, not the speedy-gonzales Seadoo hooligans.   They do like to get on plane and make wakes, but they respect other boaters and give berth as needed, even dropping off plane if they must get close to us slow movers.

And Klarisses Icecream boat was at the ramp when I returned: Had me an IceCream Sammich on the shore for a treat.

There is something calming about waves washing over your front deck as they hit your boat off the beam quarters,,,  Landing in your lap even.    (why we wear skirts,,, keeps ya from having to pump water out every five minutes.)   Wave hits, dig in paddle on back side of wave, Pulllllll, and punch the next wave in the face, REPEAT.   Didn’t matter which direction the waves were coming from, Lyssa and I handled it all with grace.   Me especially since Lyssa IS made for that sort of shit.   

Even did some surfing at one point,,, only difference being which face you dig your paddle in.   Grab the front face and pull hard and fast, get up to wave speed and then ‘fall’ down the face while the beast pushes you along.    Found Lyssa prefers surfing from the aft quarters, not directly behind.   Fine by me, as that means I get more surf time along the trough.   (assuming its a long wave face    some boat wake are not.)   I get what BOM finds so calming about surfing now,,,   hearing that water hiss along your hull (board) while ‘falling down the wave’,,,,   there is a zen-like feeling that comes over you,,,, the world slows down to that very moment in time for you, nothing else exists except you, the board/boat and wave,,,,

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Something of a downer post in the tubes awaiting launch.   Won’t give you a heads up on it, just know, its NOT intended to blackpill anyone, just bringing out some thoughts on things past and present.  

Not gonna touch the upcoming Stolen (S)election Cycle2024,,, just hoarding popcorm and beer for when the time approaches,,,    don’t think its gonna play out the same way as 2020 did, and certain groups are in for a shock this round.   will see.

keep laughin’, loadin’, and livin’

a very relaxing and re-freshening day on the lake.   Didn’t do many miles; that wasn’t the goal.  PEACE OF MIND was the goal and I picked up some of that out there on the waters.

Did some shore work as well.  Dock the Lyssa and get out, sit a spell, look at the water, the sun, the wave play, listen to the winds whispering to the waters, CLEAR THE MIND, No thinks, just observe, let the Sub flow and observe the mess that is under the frontal lobes command.   Ask myself two questions when the thoughts bubbled to the surface: “is this relevant?” and “Is there a future benefit here?”   Funny how when you start to ask your own mind these things, how quickly it quiets up,,,,

DID take camp gear with.  DID NOT use it.  Didn’t even open the hatches until I came home (curious about water leaks)(had one leak in the back. not sure where. YET) 

All in all, much happier about ME right now.   I didn’t clinch up when I got into Lyssa; the first time in over a month I have had her on water.  My bodies reaction was ‘just anudder day at the office’.    Guess getting rough water time in last week set the gears in good and solid.   Different boat, same muscle memory.   Played with edging at the put-in before taking off and was getting water over the coaming line of the skirt and holding it steady.   Good enough.   No (real) waves today, but would have been just fine had there been.   (didn’t do Laurel Lake today.  Watching gas costs,,, BUT!!! All but one of the bills are paid for the month,,,)

So why the “Not Free” title?    Because I Feel obliged to be the home body, and impromptu camping is a no-no.   I know the kids won’t starve if I spend one night away, but, I know the guilt I would feel, and not just for the fur-babies,,,    Da would blow a fuse if I didn’t give fair warning on something like that.  That is not ‘impromptu’,,,,  

Still, I will keep Lyssa loaded (soon as I find that leak and seal it up) and one day, hit the water for a couple of days and with no warning.   Might even have to call into work from Camp,,,,  Come winter, that set up will shift too BlueJean and winter gear.

NOW, its time to go investigate leaky-leaky,,,,,