I hate that!

Granted, that ‘hate’ thing is something I need to work on,,,, I don’t ‘hate’, I may dislike things, but to level it up to ‘hate’,,,   That causes psychic issues y’know,,,,

BUTS,,, Lets get to that thing I started with,,,,   I strongly dislike (better?) being told ‘You must,,,” anything.  I get along fairly well on my personal ethics and don’t rock the boat too often in societal ways, I am certainly not runnin’ round stealin’, lootin’, rapin’ n’ murderin’ people,,, yeah, that pushes the envelope pretty far.   You can be a worm in the apple of society and not be doin’ those things, but still causing rot in the whole.   My neighbor Cuz for example, not that I want to shine light on him; it hurts my eyes to look upon that pustule,,,,  

I hate being told “You MUST,,,” comply, abide, fall in line, what have you,,,   It was the biggest thing I fought with during bootcamp (I think that is normal actually, but it seemed like it took me longer than the rest,   Or maybe, I’m just more stubborn,,,)  And the DI’s never actually broke me, I just learned to shut it, hide it away and carry on, and when not under scrutiny, do my thing my way UNLESS I found the way they demanded worked better than mine ideas; It did happen,,,,   I’m stubborn, not stoopid: it just seems that way at times.

So whats got me in my ‘ya gotta’ mode today.    Actually, the problem is ME,  I am trying to convince myself that I need to make some changes in my ways (financially, in pre-emption of whats coming and already being felt on the homefront,,,) and I can feel the klownkar ME getting uppity about it.   Mostly doing away with some luxuries I enjoy that do nothing but ‘feelgoodz’: drink and certain eats that are pricey.   At least I have one article in my arsenal against the klownkar ME,  limited assets to attend to the acquisition of such.  So, I am attempting to find things to bribe the klownkar me with to appease the losses,,,    Because I hate strongly despise “You MUST,,,,”

And there is a part of me that is thinking ‘yaknow, there’s a lot of stuff in this house that hasn’t been used in ages,,,, why not start liquidating,,,,’

NOT TOOLS. NEVER TOOLS.   GUNS IS TOOLS, BOOKS IS TOOLS.  I’m talking things like cloths that haven’t been worn in a decade, a kayak or two that I am likely to not paddle again (very specific circumstances) etc etc.   Just to ‘lighten the load’ a bit you unnerstan’,,,   I do this about once a decade: empty the cup zen style.   I’ll make three piles.   “Keep, Maybe Keep, and Gone!”  then go through the first two again until I am down to two piles; Keep, and GONE.    The Gone pile goes out for sale and what doesn’t sell goes to GW or SA and out of my life.   It sounds complicated-ish, but its quite effective at keeping me from burying myself under useless trivets of dust collectors.   My keepsakes for memories are all small things, usually paper in origin, so that they can be hung on walls, or stacked in small containers until such time as,,,   I don’t like bulk: my books and tools are plenty enough bulk, and are always useful so get freepass.

and there is a part of me that wants to resort back to that part of my life where I could load everything I owned/needed into ONE PICKUP TRUCK and move.   Sure was less headachy then,,,  Lookin’ about the house, I think a 23′ boxtruck and that pickup would do it these days.  That bothers me some, but I know that my means are greater now (more knowledge, more tools, more books)   The trick is figuring out the dead wieght and trimming it.

and it all goes back to being filled with wanderlust.   Always been something of a nomadic in my history in this sphere: this is the LONGEST I have ever been in one place (and why my acquisitions have grown,,,)  To that end though, I did right in designing my house so small, Keep the square footage down and you tend to be a bit more frugal in WHAT you are willing to bring in.   No crazy furniture sets (no room) no realestate eating frippary,  keep it spartan and things ‘work’; start fillin’ the niches and the arteries clog.

It’s Sonday, its cold, its wet, and feels like one of the three last gasps of winter out there.   its my day to do the domestics that keep my world running between weekends.   Its the day we tack on an hour to the front by stealing it from the hindend, and my rythm is already wonked out.   BUT, the world hasn’t blown up, burned down, or fizzled out (Guessing, since the only way I know is by phone service up here.  no phone, somethings wrong,,,, has phone so the world is limping still.)   We carry on, its what we do.

keep on livin’