Let this play in the background as you read,,,,,

Been pestered a time or two about “Get your’n arse to Church!!!”

Wellzzzz, y’all readers here know I am a regular church-goer, even if mine church doesn’t have four walls and a regular congregation.

My question is, ‘Does going to a building to be told about God, vs Sitting in a boat on the waters and holding a conversation WITH God, make me a better person?’    And it doesn’t matter if your version of God is Yehwah, Allah, Brahma, Universe, Is, etc etc etc etc,,,    If you are conversing with the ‘Almighty’, you are leagues ahead of those that must be TOLD, weekly, (3xdaily in Islam) about your beliefs.   Just my Opinion, mind you,,,,

So what if God doesn’t speak to me in words, or thoughts, The Conversation is most definitely two sided and there are, if not ‘reactions’ from the other side, there are influences that are percieved by me as input.    I was sitting there in the boat, near shore, just talking away, had my hands in the water, paddle resting across the coaming. just babbling away,,,    Suddenly, during a particular monologue,,, some fingerlings started nibbling on my fingertips,,,   Is that not some input into the conversation?    Yeah, some would say, ‘they were just eating the dead skin from your fingers,,,   just a natural thing.’    Ummm,,, sure,,,, ya haven’t seen the things I do for a living and that there is ZERO dead skin on my fingers,,,  Chances are, they are rubbed raw, not overly encumbered with excess skin,,,,  

short ‘church’ day, today.   Just a couple of miles on the local MIRROR GLASSS water of Cannon Creek,,, Don’t really like mirrored waters, but did just fine.   My anxieties are purt much defeated it seems. Compared to the tossy-turvy waters of yesterday, this was like sliding across ice.  Lots of sitting; mid-lake, shore line.   Even put in at a favorite spot for a soak of some sunshine while it was still out.   Cloud cover has moved in and while not grey gloomy overcast, there is a decided lack of hard sunlight here. 

Weekends are just way too short,,,, If I weren’t making a concerted effort to pay off the bills I accrued from Buffalo, I’d start taking the Fridays off again.   Not quite back in my comfort zone on the billings,,, Getting there, just not there yet,,,, (and I am probably ticking off some accountant with early payments and killing the principle with double payments,,,, )

I made mentions of a rabbit hole ‘most people suck’ in my earlier post.    Well, I do have that ‘when you are pointing your fingers, you’d better look at the three pointing back at YOU’ outlook, and I did some introspection in that direction while out on the water… Maybe its not that THEY suck, but that I am older, grumpier, and a WHOLE LOT more set in my ways (read as INTOLERANT) than I was 20-30 years ago.   SO,,, Is it that people suck or I am just that old “Get off My LAWN!” type now?   I guess the question answers itself, no?   LOL    That’s ok though,,, I do like me, have grown quite accustomed to my quarks, to include holding conversations with Katz and Dawgums (some of the best ones in experiance) and much prefer the honesty of young’uns and Pets over the posturing of other hamster-wheel occupants.    I only do the hamster wheel because I have yet to write off society as a whole.    Not saying I won’t, not saying I will, but the option is ALWAYS there in the back of my mind.  

Keep on livin’, laugh to rattle the window panes, and load up like the war starts tomorrow.

And keep talking to whatever higher power you believe in,,, he/she/it IS listening,,,,   Maybe if enough saner voices cried out, things would shift away from the progressive bullshit that has become so inundated in our lives.

Caught myself bein’ bad,,,

I was scrolling through Marketplace looking at kayaks,,

Some guys do porn; maybe kayaks are my version,  dunno.

Like I need another boat,,,  I have more than I use, more than I lend out for that matter,,,  (would be different with more friends maybe,,, but that leads down a completely different rabbit hole of ‘most people suck’,,,,)

As for ‘need‘,,, no, I dont need,,, desire though: thats a different animal.   I would like a longer, larger volume version of Lyssa.  Glass bodied (or other composite material) with similar handling but more room for ‘stuff’ and the displacement to carry more ‘stuff’.

Fund-age though,,,,   gotta keep that in mind as well.   Most truly ‘long’ boats double in price, with that added foot or so.

Sigh

Some day.

Till then, Blue Jean is my RV, and Lyssa is my corvette,,,

Still at shore, Lyssa still half in water, WHOOPED, n very happy.

More later.

Its been days since I last posted and to be completely honest, had nothing at all to say about anything.

Little conversation with guy at work: the lawyer student that works during the summer months.    Since that convo, my world view has been ‘its a sham, always has been a sham, and they intend to burn it down to hide the bodies of that sham vs allowing the truth to be told in full.’

not black pilled, just resigned to reality.   Going about my days on the hamster wheel of work, eat, pay bills and KAYAK when I get the minute or three.   Not even sure I am sleeping anymore since my Sub has been doing the whole REM sleep stage far more than the deep restful sleep.  Rilly strange dreams.  LOTS of rilly strange dreams.

Wake me up when October wraps up, the fireworks start soon afterwards I feel.

At least thats my impression.

more shit going down in the lost cause of the Kraine: seems someone behind the curtains feels a hot war with Russia is a  far better an option, and looking at the cast of characters in the upcoming Selections,,,,

as one commentor over at Chris Muirs place said, “Biden is cabbage, they intend on replacing him with a head of lettuce.”    and I think everyone is pretty much seeing that ‘The Steal” is well in place and that Kamala-la-la-ding-dong is the pick,,,,

If that alone doesn’t tell you that the American people haven’t had a TRUE say in the direction of this country (in decades) than nothing will.   I just wait to see if some how, some way, there is a miracle,,,, OR that there is some cataclysm that knocks us back into 1812, or  Russia/Putin finally says “ENOUGH!!!”,,,,

Daylight is creeping over the horizon right now, boats loaded, but not all of my gear,  Headed to the lake and don’t intend on returning home till sunset.   I just need some alone time: no fellow workers badgering me, no kittehs stroppin’ my face to inform me ‘foodbowls empty’ (it ain’t,,,),,,,,

yeah

keep on livin’, laughin’, and loadin’

Let us pray for another 79 (or more) without another use.

Carry on.

Post edit: was cruusing in the Buff and played this tune out,,,  when the part came up, mentioning the Enola Gay ‘on the edge of the shockwave’,,,  my mind started pondering the thoughts that may have been going through Tibbets skull.   I read the book many many years back, but dont recall that particular point being broached,,,  

He had to know that EVERYTHING had just turned on that one blast: the whole planet had just pivoted in space/time and the course had changed.   How weighty that feeling must have been.  Granted,  he was a mere ‘messenger’ not the brains behind it,

But messengers often pay the price

Oppenheimer had grave misgivings about it and was quite vocal of them.

Even Einstein; who didnt actively participate in the development,  but supplied some of the ideas behind it, shared misgivings of the ‘big stick’.

I thought 1986 was the beginning of the end to the nightmare.   And here we are.   Two ‘superpowers’ with aging questionable reliablity arsenals,  and younger upcoming countries with not so questionable “toys”.   

I can only hope the restraint shown for 79 years remains the norm.

Off the bat, fair warning, this is likely to be an VERY airheaded post,,,, I will try to provide links as I can find them, as I remember them, but,,,

here goes.

I’ve been feeling VERY discombobulated of late.  Lost in the weeds playing with my toes sort of discombobulated.   And I have had a hella time trying to figure out what was the bother,,,,

Well, I watched this video (and yes, I was confused at one point with the ‘lecture’ and still am,,,  “What did I miss here” sort of confusion,,, but for the most part, it hit home quite well.

This sorta popped up in my Utoobie feeds, after nearly a month of Alan Watts and some others,,,   

Coupled with this one, the two allowed me to look deeper at why I have felt lost in the weeds playing with my toes.

For the Record, I much prefer Alan over Neville, even though they are both English speakers, touching on the same subject matter, but from opposing points of view.   

NOW,,,, Whats been bugging me?   

SUCCESS.

wait, what?!?!

You heard me,,, SUCCESS.    As in, the more I look around me, the more I realize I have manifested EVERYTHING I wanted when I started my early wake up after my break up with the EX.

I have my own home.

I am essentially independently employed.

I have (mostly) all the things I had to jettison back then, back in my folds and useful to me.

I have done things that MOST people only dream of doing: writing and publishing a book, living off grid, going on adventures( kayaking, winter camping) driving halfway across the country to get a ‘new to me’ boat, THREE TIMES NOW,,,, etc etc etc.  

And I still have all of the adventures from prior that I can “boast” on,,, having been a touring audio dood for national acts, certified mechanic, Marine, etc etc etc

Whats been bothering me is “whats next?”

and in this political environment, that is a sketchy question for the normal day to day.   

AND, I have been craving moving my efforts to more desirable location,,,,  (well documented here,,,,)  Again, in a sketchy timeline,,,,

It hit me last night, that my ‘success’ has become what is holding me back.   I have quite literally ‘created’ my world to my imagination (damned close anyways) and now, its time to ’empty the cup’

And what ISN’T getting in the way is my age.   I have gone and ‘created’ my world several times now.   Sometimes expanding on what was,,, sometimes from whole cloth (as in when Amy and I split),,,,   Age isn’t as much a factor, but outside influences ARE.    IE: the economy, the immigration influx and its polluting some of the areas I am intereseted in, Not knowing if next week I will be on the active “hunter/killer” list for elimination,,,, you get the idea.

And I know with some of my older knowledge, I could walk away from society as a whole, and in 6 months be set up like Grizzly Adams,,,, But that way does not attract me as it did when I was really young and dumb.(for one, that way is WORK, A LOT OF WORK,,, I’m a lazy bastach despite what my history would tell you,,,,)(Think Heinleins “The man too lazy to fail” story.)

Not that works scares me,,, the scar tissue on my hands will tell you that I ain’t afraid to bleed or get my paws dirty to get a job done:  I just pay attention to the ‘work smarter, not harder’ maxim. 

Careful what you wish for, you just might get it.   And sometimes, when you do, and it seems right, at first, time will dictate that you were the fool.   And thats where I am at right now.  16 years gone,,, and I look back and think, ‘if only I had known this,,,,,’  

Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20,,,

sigh.

Hell, If I had known then, 20% of what I know now, I would have made much BETTER financial decisions when I was actually making the sort of money that encouraged investing.  (sure as shit ain’t there NOW,,,,  )

That figuring out why I have been in the tall weeds twiddling my toesies is why my anxieties fell off while kayaking.   My tensions are abated and that means my spine is now flexible again, not some 2×4 rammed up my ass to my neck. 

Now comes the ‘coming to terms’ with my manifesting side.   The one that pulled an RV out of the aether, the one that managed to convince Nudge that, yes, Dio NEEDED a Dawgum to keep his sanity, the manifestation that pulled a 17′ kayak out of the webs and tossed it in my path when I could afford it.   NONE OF THAT WAS ACCIDENTAL, and all of it is documented here. (or an older blog, but same point.)   

WE CREATE OUR OWN WORLDS, and if you aren’t getting what you desire, its probably because there is something in your thoughts underlying the desire.

And that brings me to the current external world of the “Fractured and Corrupt” that I certainly did NOT wish for,,,, BUT ENOUGH OTHERS MOST CERTAINLY HAVE,,,, and maybe, some that didn’t, inadvertently coaxed it into being by manifesting their fears.   Maybe I am equally guilty on that last,,,,    The whole situation is so complex, that no  one in particular is to blame, but in the same breath, we are ALL to blame.     We didn’t stand when we should have.  We didn’t punch the needy in the friggin’ face when they showed thier stoopid,,,,

I dunno where all of this is going.   Blog, this post, our future, you name it.  I am back out in the weeds again playing with my toes, but this time, I know WHY, and now its figuring which cup gets emptied out and which I drink from.  and just how to do that when the future is so hazy as to be an image behind fractured glass in a smoke filled room.

Keep livin’

Laugh to shake the walls.

Load up like the ‘end is nigh’.

and smile and pet the kittehs when they offer their heads your way.

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Edited to fix link, and to remind you, tomorrow is a ‘downer post’,,,,

Ain’t nuthing new eh?

And some not political stuff

More laters