Spent the day building a huge Cantilever gate: one of two to cover a 50′ opening. (we learned our lesson building those monstrosities as single units.)

Then stepped out of my routine, and did something completely frivolous.    I went out.  I had a dinner (by myself for those nosey-bizzy-bodies) and then did some shopping for gifties.  

It was dark by the time I came home, and the only aspect of ‘routine’ I kept was I called Da to let him know I was gonna be late and ‘cya tomorrow’,,,    That was more a pre-emptive strike than a polity,,,  If I am ‘too late’, he’s calling me wanting to know if I’m ok.    Better to get it out of the way and not get interruptions.

Not that I was up to no good or seeing someones wife behind backs.   Just getting out and being, I dunno, NORMAL I guess you could say,,,   Not really something I am familiar with or good at, to be honest.   And it has been a VERY long time I ‘took a left turn’ in routines.   When I lived in Cincy, such was the Norm for me after EX and I split.   More nights spent slurpin’ down coffee at some diner, reading the nets, deep diving in rabbit holes and the occasional wild conversation with a friend or two.   I haven’t many of them left in this ‘little galaxy’ and our times tend to be much more scheduled: not impromptu.  (THOUGH,,, When we do get together, the events might take strange turns and do strange things; like paddling the DirtyBird at low flow,,,,)   Admittedly, none of us take ourselves too seriously, as can be shown by the recent addition of a T-shirt we all sport.

I’d say ‘we let our hair down’ but all the doods tend to be short shorn,,,   But we do get a little loose,,,

I miss ’em.  Been too long;  the most recent event, I had to take off to fix a blowed up toilet and destroyed bathroom floor.   Soon,,, we have a get-together for after New Years,,,

The weekend is upon me, and not sure what I’m gonna do.  May take Lyssa out for a spin, may not, and can’t say it will be weather that stops me.  Nope, if I don’t go, it will be due to my impulsive nature taking a break.    No torn up mekanikal stuff to deal with (so far),,,   I may just take the day to re-organize tools (and clean the danged things) that are still sitting at my Da’s place (in my old shop trolley I used when I was doing that shit for a living.)  

Dunno,,, the pages are blank awaiting a story to be told.

And that can be a liberating thing,,,,

Live

Laugh

LEARN

LOAD.

in a galaxy not that far away,,,

in a time when lib thoughts were still in me head,,,, (yeah, I woke up from that hallucination.)

I had a dream of owning a place with a couple out buildings (more like POLE BARNS) for doing the things I love.  One for metal, one for wood.   Seeing how I do A LOT of welding,,, well, flying spat and sawdust are not exactly friends.   And I do a fair amount of woodworking in my creative muses.   Sometimes the woodworking is for the metal working side: making patterns for foundry work for one.  Same can be said of the metalworking side; making jigs for carpentry projects.

Never really put that dream aside, and lately, I’ve noted that many of my purchases are ‘filling’ those ‘currently not in existence’ shops.   Some of my not monetary efforts have been as well; like my making a 20 ton shop press from old gaurd-rail i-beams (there is a guy here local that gets them for free from the state and I was given a dozen to play with.  Only problem with them being the amount of galvanic coating they have.)   She’s heavy, (could probably handle 40 ton hydraulics)  and completely free of any financial trades.

I have ZERO desire to go back to wrenching for a living.   I am good at it (despite my Noob efforts of late; My defense was being rusty at driveline diags.)  BUT, I also don’t trust many others to do the work on MY TRANSPORTS,,, Seen more than a few hack jobs.  Owned one too: the white S10 I had was a salvage title truck with 99 and 04 parts scattered about.   Like drivers side a-arms were 99 but passengers was 04: wheel bearings are completely different even if the geometry is the  same.  Makes for some interesting parts runs, let me tell ya. 

I  have been (for the most part) maintaining my ‘Mobile’ aspect, but one hits a point where there is just too much to stuff into small places and keep organized.   I’m fast approaching that Event Horizon,,, the one where the weight of the tools overpowers the transportation, and it begins to look like a rolling tool chest with a drivetrain. (brudda B will probably say ‘Too Late!!’.)

but the danged things allow me to make a living (even if I am not being a wrench, I do end up wrenching, among the many other hats I wear.)  

I dunno what I am shooting for in this post: just shooting thoughts into the void to see what comes back?   Dunno.   I only know that the dream I had way back then at the cusp of a separation did NOT die, it only took a back burner and has been directing small actions behind the scenes.  I only noted it during a meditaion this eve, and realized that I am still on that pathway, unconciously making small changes here and there, but never really leaving the pathway to,,,,  I dunno yet.  

I may not be much of a farmer, can’t even say I could raise livestock properly (can you kill a pet?  I’d need to be very tough on myself to not get attached.) But I can provide many other aspects of service that those capable of that stuff would need.   LOTS OF THINGS they might need.    I once remade a side cover for an old Honda scooter that had been dropped.    I can do such again if there is a need.   Barter still works in the locallocallocal,,,

Can’t say we aren’t in for collapse, but I am prepared in many ways if so.   May not be at my prefered prep state, but what I have will work.    

And my dream is still alive and well.

Live

Laugh

Learn

LOAD (more than ammo dammit!)

Snow day at the J.O.B.     Spent the day at Da’s to get the yodatruck back on the road.   New lines between the master and slave cylinder,,, NO LOVE.   Fought with it for an hour trying to get the system to bleed and finally said “FUCKIT!” and put the new master cylinder we had bought but not installed (there was a new one on the truck so I figured, WRONGLY, ‘its new, its good’.)

New cylinder, bench bled, installed, hooked up the vacuum bleeder and 10 seconds later was tightening bleeder bolts.    Adjusted the pedal height, and took it for a spin.   

DIFFERENT TRUCK from the one I test drove with Da two weeks ago!!!     Took it for a little torture test (needed to vent some frustration this thing had instilled in me.).   Took it up a steep and muddy hill to an old cemetary in 4by,,, Mud flyin’ high and everywhere and all four tires spinning and spitting goop all over the place,,,,,

BUT! She climbed that hill like nothing flat and nothing broke or gave up and the pedal was PERFECT the whole time.

I’m confident in this repair job and every single stinking part of the clutch train is BRAND NEW.   Not the optimal way, but its there and the system is solid again.

And now, its beer thirty,,,,  

Live

Learn

Laugh

LOAD

Where living by a river in a van doesn’t sound so F!up,,,,

“whats under Dio’s skin now???”

Gotta read the comments at BCE’s post to get a feel for SOME of what is getting to me,,,

and in no small part, a lot of what has me  angsty (not anxious,,,) is my complete lack of focus in my life.    This is a new status for me, and not altogether a bad thing: there is a solid reason for it and even an honorable one, but,,,,

MY LIFE has zero focus right now.   Such as back in the late ninties, early aughts, I was bound and determined that I was going to be a “A SOUND MAN” and to hell with what my peers thought about it.   I worked gigs for literal dinner, no cash, just a bag of fast food.  Why? Because I knew there was only ONE WAY to get that foot in the door and that was to get someone on the inside to crack it open.   Once I had that foot in the door, things accelerated FAST and within 4 years, I was doing tours nationally.   I was damned good at my job and LOVED IT.  And that love carried a lot of weight towards getting me along.  

What I do now,,,,

I enjoy my position: I’d friggin better, since I pretty much created it out of thin air, and am the only ‘monkey’ at the shop that can do those tricks,,,,  (more specifically, WILLING to do those tricks,,, No one else wants to learn ‘my job’.)  BUT, its a dead end position.  I have never intended to stick around after Da has left this mortal coil.    That’s a recipe for an existence in purgatory.  And that is how I feel about things right now.   I ain’t shifting my resolve about it, but I am feeling a little bit like a loose line swaying in the breeze with no particular function.

And I feel often like trying to push for a certain goal, is like asking my Da to drop dead,,,, That road leads to guilt complexes and such and dammit,,,,  Yeah,,,   so I try to keep my nose to the grindstone, build small habitual rituals to maintain sanity (KAYAKING!) and sway in the breeze of time, holding on,

I was playing passenger on the road out to (and back from) our jobsite today.   My mind kept circling around “what do you really want to do? ” (admittedly, a constant thought when I am feeling such as above) and I kept coming back to three words

Desire

Service

Growth

The words themselves could have a myriad of meanings to whomever is reading them: I was trying to pull all three into something concrete that I could apply towards the future.   One of the aspects of the Desire side was “Not working as an Emp”.  Not the only part of that, but one strong aspect for certain.

And the damned thing, I keep coming back to “TEACH”.   

That fills all the points, I desire to teach, its a service, and a PROPER teacher doesn’t rest on his laurels: he keeps educating himself (growth), perfecting/polishing his ART.

and The State doesn’t like people like me to teach,,,   Might fill some kids heads with ideas like FREEDOM and PATRIOTISM or something equally “anti-social” as critical thinking,,,,,,

And I certainly can’t fake the Marxist ideals they want you to parrot to get ‘certified’,,,

Loose line, swaying in the breeze,,,,

sigh

————————————————————-

And even with some of the good things showing on the radar of the world stage, Like Marine-Penny getting acquited, or (even though caught) a guy offing a CEO, putting the fear in those that would make life more difficult,,,,    I circle back around to this Meme

And remember its all kabuki theater,,, What we ‘think’ we are seeing is likely exactly what those in power want us to think.   

My cynicism runs deep,,,,   It only takes 1% of the population to want to run things to make life for the remainder a misery.   Those that want to control, and those that just wanna be left alone, and the useless eaters that want to be told how to live that like following the first group.    Makes a body want to become the hermit on the mountain top,,,(hey, I sorta kinda resemble that remark.,,,,)

Live

Learn

LAUGH

LOAD.

Took all day today.  Not the clutch, but getting things running.   And no, it wasn’t the clutch,   It wasn’t the Slave Cylinder, nor the Master,,,,  

It’s something between the two.     Had it up’n’runnin’ and Dad took it out: did good for the test drive, but he was confuzzed about the 4wheel drive thing.   (this one doesn’t have the same ‘shift’ pattern for the transfer case as his older model and it caught him funny.)   So, When he came back, he asked me to check it and I did so by taking it for a spin myself.   And made it about 1/2 mile before that clutch pedal was back on the floor.    Looking, there is some ‘wet’ on one of the line fittings, and it could be attributed to a valve cover leak, but I am starting to think there is something else going on under that muck.     It  seems to be leaking just enough to keep it wet, but that means its sucking air as well   Gasses compress, fluids do not: Hydraulics require that non-compression aspect.  

too late to worry about it tonight, and Da is not overly worried about it. 

I’m the one burning inside over this.    Had I diag’ed properly, we would have already fixed the issue and saved him quite a bit of cash.    I’m sorta kicking myself in the backside on this.   “live and learn’ but dammit, this was a noob screw-up, and I ain’t a noob.   (rusty as F! but not noob.)

ANyWhoozitsss, tomorrow is a back to the J.O.B. and (fingers crossed) regular working hours,,,,    I plan, IF OTHERWISE AT THE J.O.B., to get back on fixing that line between cylinders and getting this SNAFU corrected.   (some weekend, eh?   long hours getting crusty grimy paws that don’t wanna come clean, and now I head back to the mines for a regular run of ‘not sure’,,,, LOL)

Live

LEARN

Laugh

LOAD

On the downhill slide now.   Trans dropped, clutch replaced, gghetto reface on the flywheel (flapdisced with grinder, no grooves, just a light sanding.) and the gearbox is back in with two bolts holding it there with a jack under the transfer case side to keep it all in line until tomorrow.

I’m whooped.

I think I destroyed my shirt and pants with the junk that was falling off that truck onto the floor (that I was wallowing in for 7 hours)   Not a whole lot of greasy stuff, but the truck was used extensively in mining operations: lots of dried muck that is mixed coal dust and clay/sand: LOTS of it.

Actually surprised that the gearbox slid in that smoothly (which isn’t saying it was smooth, just smoother than I expected)

And I started second guessing myself while tearing everything out.   Namely, that slave cylinder is highly questionable in my eyes.    AND, a faulty slave would have delivered similar failure.   The old Friction disc looked rather good, and neither pressure plate nor flywheel looked heated up: no cracking or blued spots.     BUT, as I said to dad, “We’re there, we have the parts, I ain’t doin’ this again in 3 months,,,,,”   LOL.  Even Da was saying, “I see now why you didn’t wanna do this,,,,”

(( What really burns my ass about the slave cylinder possibly being bad: the master cylinder is brand stinkin’ new.   Why do you only replace one half of the system when those parts are (relatively) inexpensive???   Rhetorical question, I already know the answer.))

Showered, clean clothes, house is warm, and its dark out.   Thinkin’ I’m gonna fall into bed like a felled tree,,,

talkatcha’all tomorrow,,,

live

learn

laugh

LOAD

Gonna be a long day/wknd potentially.    Droppin’ the gearbox in Da’s truck (yeah, the new to him one) and doing a clutch replacement. 

yay me

Slow season, needs cash, and Da made the offer.  Normally don’wanna deal with heavy gearboxes while on me back, (don’t much like dealin’ with ’em on a danged lift, but so MUCH easier,,,) but,,,, needs the cash.   (And Da doesn’t want to wait for the meh-kah-nik he found, to do the work,,, was told it would be a couple weeks before the guy could get him in.)

SO, Y’all gotta deal with the rest of the webz for entertainments,,,   

Back when the digits ain’t covered in cargunk-n-goo.

Live

learn

laugh

LOAD