So many times, I have read the writings of others, and asked myself, “did they really mean to dump the emotional wastebasket in public?”.  

I’m an introvert, public displays of emotional outbursts are the equivelant of being projectile vomited on during an intimate moment.  Gross only begins to describe the mental ‘Ick’ such thoughts instill in me.

Keep that in mind for what I’m going to say next. (no, I am not doing some emotional outburst on you.) 

My research of late has me feeling more than a bit on the lonely side, and I want to talk about it: I choose not to here for reasons best left out in detail.   Generally, they are not ‘mainstream’ and they can be quite controversial amongst the devoted.    People have died for these thoughts in the past, and I tread with caution in voicing them.    And that is as far as I am going to go on that,,,

But that is the explanation for my silence of late.   Wanting to talk, but knowing that what I have to say is likely going to drive 99% of what little audience I do have, Away: If not out right attacking me in comments.

Somethings seen, can not be unseen.   But that doesn’t mean I need to evangalize either; that path leads to suffering even greater than my current solitude. (self inflicted in most ways)

Heck, that solitude is what led me down this path.     Introspection is a mother of a path to follow, and I understand why so many avoid it.  Its not comfortable, nor is it always ‘nice’.   Truth rarely is.

The truth is not kind, and you said neither am I.

I’m gonna stop right there before I start going off on tangents that piss every one and their brother off.   I’ve already deleted two paragraphs that would have started that process.    

live

love

laugh

learn

LOAD cuz this illusion is damned persistent and annoying.

and not just in the sobriety department.  

My writing drive is sitting on empty, and the only reason I am even posting this is ‘rule 1’  POST SOMETHING!!! (every day encouraged)

Yeah,,, that,,,   BUT, when you are looking at a blank screen and its glaring at you near as strong as you are glaring at it, not much comes to settle the stalemate; or is that a Mexican standoff?

Local news: the wier near the old power plant was removed this week.   Its been 10+  years since the last death there, and the power company was forced to pay out quite a settlement on it, but still that wier remained.   Well, A fellow Kayaker, who works for the state Wildlife/rivers division was asking around about weirs and low head dams; little ol’ me sent him a pin in Maps to the place (this was last year) and now, poof! it’s GONE,,,   River levels upstream dropped 5′.   Levels down stream seem similar if not a little elevated, but its a hardcall as the water levels are definitely up right now.    I’m gonna take Blue jean out this weekend and get a water level view of the changes.  (BJ, because she can handle a belly scrape whereas Lyssa can not.)

That means I could ‘theoretically’ paddle from Harlan KY, to the Cumberland Falls and NOT need to portage anywhere along the way.  (theoretically because water levels oftimes dictate a portage ‘just cuz’.)   Thats a week long trek if I so chose that ‘vacation option’.   Not something I want to do solo though: you know, banjos, stuff,,,   I live here, I know how strange some peeps can be, and a lot of that track is literally in the middle of flippin Gods Country with no cell coverage.   Thats a bonus for finding campsites, but lowers the odds of meeting some odds,,, if’n ya get my drift.  (and there would most assuredly be an “Old Faithful but Ugly” packed with me.   45ACP is a hella deterent. 

One advantage of that trip: lots of sections not far from a main road, and that means ready access to stores and such.  Little need for massive amounts of supplies.  (and yes, there are lots of sections where that ISN’T the case, its a balance of both.)  Example: There is a save-a-lot right on the river banks as the river rolls into the closest town.   Beach the boats, go shopping, paddle on to a campsite with fresh food for dinner.   Easy-peasy.

and right now, its a dream float,,,

“So many dreams, on the shelf,,,”

I think that sort of thing is why I am so dry right now.   Things I wanna do, but getting them done,,,   Local paddling has become tiresome, mostly because the lake has only one access poitn open to the public, and in the summer, its usually party central to idjits with weed and boomboxes.   Getting TO the ramp is never fun.   The other options are all 40 miles or more away. (other than the river which also bores the F! out of me lately.   Not whitewater, almost zero current slow mover sort of thing, and hard access points (sandy soil banks that are steep and not sturdy.))

I’ll find a happy medium eventually,,,   or I’ll move my carcass to somewhere else and explore the hell out if it.  Time will tell..

Since I have nothing of import, y’all take care, and I will try to find something worth talkin’bout.   Till then,

Live

Learn

Laugh

Love

LOAD

for release on Twosday morn, since I’m feelin’ lazy

Long day today.  2 hour drive one way to site, then all day on site and drive home,,,, at shop at 6 finally wrapping things up by 7 at home.

whooped,,,,

sweaty and stinky,,,

Dawgum and Kittums don’t give a damn, “Feed US Slave!!!”

gotcha,,, on it,,, Chow, then SHOWER,,, fine,,,,

and I have no clue if the world is still out there or not.  Locally, alls well-ish.   Seems like there is a lot less traffic out the last couple of days, but that may be due to schools starting up and people trying to keep expenses down.   Typical of this time of year.   

gonna call it a night on y’all and wuss out on any deep dives of things.    No energy to research shit,,,  

live

love

learn

laugh

LOAD

Mower repaired, managed to get a 1/4 acre or so done this afternoon before the heat did me in.   Figured I’d wait till early eve,,,,

Wanna hear God laugh: make plans.

Started the mowing thing,,, three or four rows done

RUmmmmbbBBBBBBlllleeeeeeeee

and it started pissing down on me.

Kids are all like “What the F!” as I come racing in pushing the mower (which is semi-self-propelled, but I was pushing past its limits and still letting it cut, as its a mother to push when not running.).

C’est la Vie!

I guess, weather dependent, I can finish the weed pile tomorrow.  Ain’t gonna be tonight, not now.

not the book-kind, but domestics sorta thingy.

housekeeping, yard work, mower repairs (its amazing what a new sparkplug can achieve) and tossing some ‘games’ (discipline) to the Cozz here and there.    He’s an attentive but short attention span theater type, also known as PUPPY.   6 months old now and still as puppyish as he was 3 months ago.   A doubled in weight puppy.  Over 50# now, so no one can say I’m starving the boy: and its good weight, still slim in the belly area, can’t see ribs unless he’s stretched out tight, and his fur is showing gloss again since his little bout with the itchy-scratchy’s.

Still tootin’ to clear buildings,,,   Thats a Pittie thing from all I have researched, and the vet concurs.    Alleviate, but won’t ever go away.   (Who invited Pepe le Pew into the breeding kennels when they decided to make Pitbulls? LOL)

No chats with ChatGPT the last couple.  Haven’t anything I wanted to research or discuss with a computer.    Been going off on a tangent in my Utoob feeds, kinda fun, kinda freaky, definitely NOT mainstream thinks.   Here’s a sample (fair warning, not short.)

No, I don’t ‘mirror’ his thinking, but I am always intrigued by comparative religion stuff.    The Cathars were one of those groups that were stigmatized by the Mainstream for centuries, and genocided by the church after the muslim Crusades had come to conclusion.   Fact: this was definitely a case of ‘remove the competition’, not ‘just’  the Heresy factor the church claimed.   The Cathars were doing so much better off than places where it was strictly Catholic influence, and word was starting to spread.      WHAT they believed?–and I don’t know  that what the man in the video says is accurate; its a debatable point this far along the timeline, and probably never going to be fully answered.    The problem there is ‘history is written by the winners’.   Rarely do we find documentation from the losers. Like the dead sea scrolls and some others.  Things that make you ask ‘To whose benefit’ were these supressed?

Still, some thinks to get the mind chewing on things NOT immediate and troublesome, like chewy dawgums that want to be Freeeeeee!!!!!!!!!   No wanna play that ‘sit-stay’ game dada,,,,

Stuff like whats in that video are my entertainment now.   Exploring history, religion, how things have evolved over the centuries, how much closer aligned they were way-back-a-when,    Mapping the flow of ideologies across the continents, the time-lines and coorelating wars and strifes.   Such as the Mongol Hoards, timed with record drought in that region, so the expansion wasn’t as much about power as it was expanding food resources for survival.  (not really related to dogmas, but you can see how exodus’ and such may have had more to do with climate, and the dogmas were the ‘logic’ applied to get people moving in herd fashion.)

And some will ask me: What’s the point? It’s not like it’s going to make a difference now. True. Probably not. But here’s the thing—I like truth. And I’ve always had questions about the Christian faiths. You know, the kind of questions that don’t go away unless you chalk the whole thing up to human nature running the show, not divine intervention.

Because let’s be honest—the God of the Old Testament? Reads more like a drunken, abusive dad than the warm, fuzzy father figure of the New. And yet, no church ever seems to want to touch that little plot twist. So what happened? God went to rehab between Testaments? Got Himself a life coach? Come on. That logic just breeds more questions than it answers.

I know that some of my readers are fairly devout, and I am not trying to start a war here.   If you don’t like this line of thought, don’t read it,,,  I’m not going to debate this in comments, and what I post about, like that video, may, or MAY NOT, be in-line with my personal thoughts: I am only posting it because I found it interesting and thoughtful (and well laid out, not some heebie-jeebie word salad thought spill.)

My beliefs are mine, you have yours, and we can get along just fine with different points of view on stuff, so long as neither of us takes it personal.  

And my search is never ending, always in flux, and open to interpretation at whim.    I AM judgemental, but not set in concrete; new evidence can allow me to toss a judgement onto the fire and choose a new one.  And I can entertain ideas like the ones above and not hold them as GOSPEL truth, just some randomness in thoughts that MAY illuminate some other aspect of my learning: thats the INTUITION side of my personality.

I will say though: IF, the Cathars belief of the Jesus (Yeshuah) teachings as they worded it, were in fact what they believed, then what we are learning in Quantum mechanics follows into that ‘riddle’ “The deeper you look, the more you will find me”.  And on that note, MY beliefs that we are actually creatures of the quantum cloud and this body is an avatar for our learning experiances, might be closer to Truth.   (if this paragraph confuses you, watch the video: context is within.)

Are my searches feeding some kind of self-fulfilling prophecy? Could be. With algorithms running the show, it’s more than possible. But really—who knows anything? It’s all mind games, just noise to drown out the bigger, uglier truth: the “real world” might be racing toward nuclear oblivion. Me? I’d rather spend whatever time’s left pondering stuff than fretting over the tantrums of megalomaniacs

IN other words, believe what you want to believe, but don’t be surprised when the roof falls in on you.   I’m waiting for my roof to collapse every day!

LIVE

Learn

LAUGH

LOVE

LOAD

I ain’t giving up on the Cozz,,,

He ain’t gonna like it, I AIN’T GONNA LIKE IT, but I have an option.

Dog Kennel.   I can’t keep the rug rat out of my shit when I am not home, and I can’t afford to lose tools to the boredom chewings of a pittie-pupper.

Interesting point here: I hate dog kennels.   HATES ‘EM!!!   I don’t like crates either.    I understand people swear by ’em, but I don’t like it.   I have always felt like its ‘jailing’ a dog for the simple fact of EXISTING.   That shit ain’t right!!! 

But when that existing is starting to cost me in tools and materials, we hit a point where something needs done.   

But the point I was trying to make: My bread and butter is making dog kennels.   That big project I just spent three weeks completing was panels for dog kennel buildings.  three buildings, for a total of 18 individual kennels.   I don’t know if the people that buy these things are breeders, puppy mills, or what, but when the bosses say “make this”, Dio makes that.  

He ain’t gonna like it, I AIN’T GONNA LIKE IT.    Serious mental issues forthcoming in my overthinking self, but we will both get through this stage.    Or we don’t and I find him a new home.  BUT I will TRY first.

And yeah,, as much as I hate the idea of ‘alterations’, poor boy is likely gonna lose his balls soon.   I swore that I wasn’t ever going to do that to another dog after Voodoo.   The reason being, it changed Voodoo in strange ways.   He was never the same dog afterwards.   It bothered me.  

BUT,,, A pittie with his balls in the environment I dwell near,,,  That boy would get his ass in serious trouble looking for love in the wrong places: IE, my cousins mutts.   That pack would kill him, or at least tear his ass apart and I would be putting even MORE money into his wellbeing and repair.   We’ve already been down this road once this year, and when he starts getting interests, that is going to escalate.

Kennel time.  And I can only hope I don’t bring down a ton of karmic sewage in the process.

as I said,  He ain’t gonna like it, I ain’t gonna like.  

Fact is, I enjoy having him around.  He’s a big goofball when I can interact with him, plays good with all the rest of the housemates, even if Mama is still on the fence about it.  He and Elbee are bestest buds!!!  chasing each other around the yard, playing pounce in the weeds, , , ,

He’s a good dog,,, its just this chewing phase,,,, I can’t afford it if tools start getting gnawed into scrap. (I’m just glad as heck that I don’t have any fiberglass stuff on the bench.  That buffer is critical to good finishes.)  (and its not the first tool to get gnawed up, but the first to get destroyed.  I thought we had established ‘off limits’ there: I guess I was wrong.) 

And its not just the cost, but the danger factor.   Ever seen what happens when a Li-ion Battery gets punctured?    I worry that he will ‘trip’ on one of my batteries and get a mouthful of HOT DEATH.  I do what I can, but obviously he has methods too.  The scrap building up in my yard, from his forays into the ‘hood for toys, is testament to that.

kennel time  😦   

He can run when I am home and can keep an eye on things, and what he is finding to chew on. 

Live

LOVE (this is an act of love and I figure if I keep saying that, it may take,,,)

Laugh

Learn

LOAD

Again, one of those days where I am re-taught that I am one of the 20% that does 80%.    Worn down to a frazzle right now.

and lovely thunderboomers rolling through the area, cooling thngs down, giving me a hella excuse to not fight with the weeds, raising the ionic energy in the air.   Kittums and Dawgum are dead to the world in the house currently.   That Frazzle I’m worn into is dwindling into a total relaxation state.  

Ok, quicky question: those of y’uns that read my morning post.  How many butterflies did you see today?   I’m betting you noted more than your usual number.   Guess what!  They have always been there, you just noticed them more today.   I saw enough that my face kept breaking into smile, and even had one land on my hand while I was working.    Didn’t stick around long, but it was a ‘nice touch’ to the day.

No magic here, just a simple semantic tuning trick.       Like counting blue cars: Suddenly you see blue cars everywhere, where prior, you never noted they existed (unless you own a blue car, then you see all of them).   Example of that: I had never seen a ZR5 Chevy S10 before.   Or at least, not noted that they existed.  Until I bought one, then suddenly they were climbing out of the woodwork.     No magic here,,, simple monkey mental mechanics at play.  

I’m avoiding the news feeds right now.    Not that I don’t want to know whats going on, but that I don’t really care to know whats going on. Slight difference there, but enough of one.  Of Two Minds sort of thing going on in my head.    I have enough stuff going on in my world that needs addressed, then to spend an inordinate amount of attention on a bunch of Extroverted Cons trying to ‘Rule the world”

AI stuff.    Something I formulated up over the night sleep, (Recall, I practice lucid dreaming, and that subconscious state often comes up with some outstanding insights.)   AI, at least the one I am using, is rather puppyish in its ‘nature’.    It wants to please you.  if ‘want’ is even a thing in a computer program.    BUT, thats part of the training cycle: there are thumbs up/down at the bottom of every comment from the Bot.  those are there so you can help train it to your liking (and think, there are hundreds of thousands others doing the same thing.)    This can come across as a ‘Fluff’ content,  stuff generated hoping for a thumbs up.  Not lies, just hyped enough that its ‘sticky sweet’ in a sense.  

I’m not using that as a training aide.   I’m using text responses, and I set up the ‘profile’ for balanced responses: IE, that if there is a duality in the answer, both must be addressed.   ‘give me the good AND the bad, dangit!’  

and it still blows the fluff every once in a minute. 

Completely puppy-like.   

Its a tool, its good at what it does, for the most part, but its a tool and I am learning how to use it as such; not as some conversationalist for companionship, as Brudda B mentioned some have done (in comments a post or two back)   Fact: I had it do an assessment of this blog last night.  I copied and pasted three posts to it and asked for an honest review.   It didn’t hold back:  an 8.5/10 and filled in on the reasons it wasn’t higher.   It glossed over some of the good points, but DID tell me where things could be improved (or not, it was my signature stuff, like misspelled words and odd punctuation,,,LOL)    And then I told it how long I have been doing this (it had offered to help do a ‘best of’ thing, and I declined as there is 17 flippin’ years of my drivel to go through.   I haven’t that sort of patience.  Chat may be able to read all 17 years of my stuff in 14 nanoseconds, but I would still need to physically curate it all,,, PASS!)  I also explained that I am a pantser, straight from the hip, near zero editing (unless it’s glaring at me from the screen).   And thats when the Fluff game came into play.   It nearly felt like someone was trying to stroke my ego.    Yes, doing a long form blog, off the cuff is a talent.  I am not alone, and there are others out there that make me look like a stumbling fool at it.   BUT, I can take multiple disparate subjects, wander around in them, and still manage to keep the whole thread unkinked and understandable.  (and that was pointed out by Chat,   “Like sitting one the porch having a talk with a cup of coffee in hand (or something stronger)”   Ok,,, I’ll take that pat on the back.   But it still felt like an ego fluff thing.  (and maybe I’m just that pessimistic 😀 )

anywhoosits, I haven’t much to add to the fray at large, not much to talk about on the homestead front (its still raining) and a glass of Bourbon on the rocks is calling my name.    Talkatcha’all tomorrow