another rambling but good feel podcast,,,,

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Did ya figure that out? And no small part of that is reason why I can’t generate income here. I get that,,,

In order to generate income, you gotta fit, in some way

I fit societies holes like a boulder trying to get through a 2′ culvert in a rainstorm. And I don’t care, I am who I am, think how I prefer and learn whatever I wanna, when I wanna, and fit my own skin quite nicely, thankyouverymuch,,,,

T’ain’t rich, not by societies standards, likely never will be, short of a windfall in the lottery (Saul, you have to buy a ticket. LOL) and I’m content with that. I know my value to the world isn’t a monetary thing. Much like the monks of Tibet, “I get by”.

I run into issues though: one of which I hit at the Get-together over the weekend. I was talking with LilBrudda C, and we were discussing many of the things located up in my “question, seek, reflect, respect” page. Now that wasn’t where I ran into issue. The issue arose when C said, “You’re a mental Giant, you know that?”

NO, I don’t know that!!! Fact is, I get VERY uncomfortable when someone I am close to, says shit like that. Fact of the matter, I personally feel ‘average’ and that is large part of why I get frustrated in life; I see solutions that, TO ME, are so damned obvious, and can’t understand why others can’t see those solutions as well. Maybe I am positioned a little bit higher in the mental levels, but I don’t FEEL like that. I see my world as I have built it, which is levels LOWER than societal standards (I mean, for cripes sake, I live in what amounts to a shack. May be its a more modern form of shack, with better insulation and some amenities to add comfort, but its primitive in relation to my dads house,,, )

On top of that, I don’t fit the mold of ‘Success’. I ain’t successful by societal standards. I dont’ make a killing in the financial department. Fact is, by societal standards, I live below poverty levels.

But I am not on the dole, I get NOTHING from the government that my taxes don’t balance out in some way, and I pay plenty in taxes.

My standard for success is measured differently: how I handle issues, difficulties, is more inline with how I measure success. Do I need to farm out solutions, or do I handle them me-self? There are times where yes, I do farm things out because the wear and tear on ME is higher than the cost of that farming out. Like when I needed a clutch in the white truck I owned before Buffalo. I took one look under that truck and knew what my means would fit and figured “nope, Not this time”,,,

I don’t like being told I am an exception. I don’t like standing out (Which around here, happens far more than I like.) I never had the spirit for “show”, which is why I fit so well into monitor world in the entertainment feild….

Do I study my ass off? Absolutely, yes. And ‘what’ is irrelevant,,, I know what I don’t know (in some ways), and what I do know is such a small percentage of what there is TO know,,,, Even more important is that I know there are things I don’t know and I have no idea what those things are. (read it again, it will make sense.) I keep trying to fill in the blanks and hope that at some point, there will be connections made that fill in those gaps I know I have.

My biggest fear is losing my mind. The very idea of dementia scares the ever loving fuck out of me. I watched Bidens decline and the horror I felt,,,, It really made me despise his family that kept him propped up like that for their benefit. Me, Personally, (and I know Da feels the same) if I start steering to that point, I am gonna eat a bullet or find some Hemlock and take Socrates way out (by choice, not decree, of course.) I would feel no guilt for that method as I, at that point, would feel that my time on this planet had reached its zenith and IS would be expecting me to return to the fold. I do feel, since I believe the soul is immortal, that the body will eventually fail, even if the soul is in full bloom. IS wouldn’t see ‘suicide’ as a sin in that case. The only SIN I believe, is believing that you ‘imagine’ better than IS/ALL/Peloma/GOD, whatever your favorite “higher power” is.

This life is a gift, we have only this time here to learn whatever it is we were sent to learn. Apparently, I was sent to learn everything, as that is what drives me. While that may be the case, I also know that there is NO WAY that can be accomplished; ergo, I am not a mental giant. I’m just one more soul trying to make a better version of myself and HOPE that when the judgement time arrives, I will have fulfilled some/most of the tasks assigned me in this ‘go-round’. I know I will be back and have to do it all again, or some variation of ‘it all’ until I get it right. That doesn’t bother me as much as you might think: what bothers me is that I know on the next go-round, what I have learned this time, will be at best, a fleeting memory bordering on imagination, or instinctual feeling: NOT ACTUAL THOUGHT.

But thats the nature of the Peloma,,, Its a swinging pendulum, a balance of energies, thoughts that never cease,,, My only desire is that I get to make some choices in my next ‘vehicle’,,, I would also like to ‘take a vakay’ from this reality for a spell and explore the universe as a being of energy before I return to this ‘hell’ for the next lesson. I hope that my efforts to understanding on this plane, will be reflected on the next plane.

Ok, enough of a rainy day, off work rant. here’s hoping you all have a wonderful day and try to stay dry and warm. Grab ya a cuppa and curl up with a book, expand the mind if you can’t expand the physical realm.

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and ya know it ain’t gonna last,,, Looks like the weather that Flori-duh saw over the weekend is on its way here overnight,,,

is wot i’tiz,,,

Today was a little bit of everything I deal with at the J.O.B. : most if not all of my hats on, even if only for a few minutes. Puttin’ out fires, correcting sight issues by refabbing some gates, then some fabbing of a kennel, (not done with that yet,,, more tomorrow)

And no, haven’t heard a frellin’ word on Twuck. Starting to think someone has been jerkin’ my chain. Reason I say that: ALL of my communication is through a proxy. I have never spoken to the actual owner, and the last time I spoke with the proxy, I got a strange vibe from him: Rather like a grifter vibe. Hey, if he worked out a deal with the owner and is gonna make a little profit on it; I have no problem with that SO LONG AS I SEE A DAMNED TITLE. Lack of keys I can deal with, but I want to know that I am getting a legal deal, not buying ‘stolen without a gun’ contraband. (A little history for y’all: the term SWAG came from the pirates and is an acronym for “stolen without a gun”. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that any.)

Yeah,, my ‘desire’ to see Twuck in my possession is strong, and tis not a “consumer” desire. I see a future in that truck that is outside of my current trend, and knowing it needs work is not a deterent. Actually, Looking around, a running contractor truck of that year and model are running around 10+G, and I could have this’un up and running for under 3 if I play it right.(including initial purchase price.) I am not counting my labor of course, just ‘spent’. Counting my labor, would put it nearer that 10G mark.

Its not what’s in the cost that counts, its the “what can it do for me later” aspect that makes the desire so damned strong. Tools are investments, and I am looking at Twuck as a tool/investment, IN ME, FOR ME, FOR MY FUTURE.

Son of Bossman knows exactly what I see in it, and that its not just “Oh, thats cool” purchase.

If I’m getting jerked around,,,,

Nuff said on that, eh?

Next subject,,,,

Diet stuff. 185#,,, Checked BP at work, not resting (though I did sit down)

118/67

A year ago, when I checked into a doc in the box, my BP was 130/90, and I had been sitting in the waiting room for 30 minutes before that reading. (I also weight 210#)

All Kinds of Investments in myself that I’m working on here. Not just a truck buy,,,

Time to start walking more. Get the legs doing something more than the massive amounts of standing around that are part and parcel of my usual days. (Standing and working, but STANDING nonetheless.) No treadmills, Hates the rabbit wheel feel of treadmills. Gonna have to start taking Coz to the park and letting him walk me. Must be leashed, and he hates that now, but oh-well. He’ll get over it. (note too worried about the upper body/torso thing. I do work those here at the house,, just not much into walking my area anymore, since BadCuz moved in and started breeding mutts out the wazzoo.)(I would, IF I could get Coz to stay home. I have no intention of letting him see me ‘murder’ the neighbors dogs,,, I’d even be willing to lose a few arrows to the cause, but only if Cozzie isn’t witness.)

Anywhooos,,,, its the last week of DST this year, and soon’nuff, its gonna be dark or getting dark by the time I get home from a normal work day. Things are gonna get slowed down on my personal things (I’ll figure something out if I finally bring Twuck home,, That will take precedence.) More desk time at home is what I’m saying,,, Maybe even MORE PODCASTS, that seem to be a bit more popular than my written posts,,,, Chime in, in comments, if you agree or not.

Please,

Seriously CHIME IN..

The numbers are looking good, but tell me little. I can’t count the substack mirror because I don’t have ANY following there at all, YET,,, (and it’s numbers are pathetic in reality.)

More laters,,,

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In the Buddhist teachings, Pain/suffering are often caused by DESIRE. give that a little introspection and you might see the correlation. No desires, no suffering,,, Well’zzzz,,,, Twuck is a desire. My ‘manifesting a title’ are placing energy into that desire, and that desire is NOT coming to fruition at a rate I accept: in other words,,, Suffering. I’m impatient with the current owner for his lolligagging,,, I had ALL DAY today (and was told, ‘it’ll be here on Monday’) and nada, nothing, nyet,,, I did call dood (not the owner, one of his lackeys.) and he said “should be here, I’ll call you”, only, no,, didn’t,,,
ARRGGGHHH!!!!!
Did it to me-self by getting this idea in my head and pushing Imagining its limits before completion. Detailed ideas of which items need addressed soonest once its in my possession, How to best set it up for my needs,,, only,,,

It AIN’T,,,

I think you see how DESIRE causes this looping angst,,, Yah,,, that!

PATIENCE GRASSHOPPA!!!

And I am trying,,, I can fully accept being told, ‘well, we can’t find the title’, at which point, I blow the desire out of my head and carry on. A minor disappointment, one from out of my control, and there will be a part of me, as always, looking for that chance opportunity: just like how I found this one.

Ohhhhmmmmmmmmm…………

more laters,,, I haven’t written it off, but patience is thin right now. Good comes to those who wait, right???

I keep telling myself that,,,,

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Its that time of year,,,,

Frazzled wet Kat,,, th’bout sums it up,,,

No word on Twuck just yet; still early and not everyone around here is the early bird like this blogger,,,

Been up since 4 woke up rarin’ ta-go, did some calesthenics, yoga, made my juicebrew as I described in an earlier post (ACV, Olive oil, lemon juice concoction): drives off the ‘Hungries’ with a vengeance. One cuppa, no cream, stevia for the illusion of sweet,,, I really don’t feel the need for caffeine these days, but old habits,,, One cuppa may take me an hour or more to consume, and I usually pitch half of it now: gets too cold and it tastes like crap.

Gonna idle the day along, waiting for a call from Dood about title, chilling out (not hard, is KOLD out there,,,) and keepin’ warm with mama-kat in lap. I have a pair of NY strips sitting in a rub for lunch/dinner during my feeding window of 10-2. Those, some olives, pepperjack, and an avocado,,, Mmmm-mm-mmm!!!! Some of y’uns may read that and cringe, but after the last month, that is REGAL eats in my world and my body loves it. The first burst of saliva as I bite into that NYstrip tells me all I need to know about what my body wants.

Funny, a year ago, I saw a meme with food in one window and a pills in another and it stated that “this is medicine”/”this is poison” in each corrosponding window: Its true,,, My body is healing without all the ‘meds’, and taking a couple of acetomeniphines causes my liver to go into detox mode: Night sweats!!! Gotta get rid of that crap from our lives. The Experts LIED/ARE LYING to us,,,

Did Dio find another soapbox? Maybe,,, not one I am gonna harp on, but as this eating thing progresses, the more convinced I am that the Gooberment “food pyramid” is a bunch of industry driven bullshit. (like the fact that there have been studies into the carnivore diet (1 year in 1928 and a Harvard study (that last is VERY detailed info, amazingly)) and the ‘subjects were healthier and less illness prone within such a short span, that even the doctors were scratching their heads. It didn’t fit the narrative/beliefs.

Lord knows the benefits I am seeing eating little more than Meats and fats (with some vegetable matter, sorta,,,) far outweigh the way I was feeling just one month ago. And the only REAL change was cutting sugars out of my diet. I had been mostly carnivore for two years, so the change in eats wasn’t drastic, just what I cut loose. Yes, getting all that sugar out of my system did more for me than just the diet, but the diet is allowing my body to ‘reset’, and I LIKE that reset so far. No arthritis pains. Knees aren’t creaking like breaking spars on a square rigger in a hurricane. Energy at my disposal when I wake, without need of stimulants. Energy enough that I MUST do exercise to keep from bouncing off the walls!!! And the not hurting means I CAN do exercises.

Seriously, I feel like I shed more than 25#: more like I shed10 years,,, Granted, thats subjective and empirical, YMMV,,,,

But its cumulative,,, feeling better wanting to do more and being energetic enough TO DO more. which reframes my state of mind to want to do even more and,,,,, Its an upward spiral of GOODNESS IMO.

Like today,,, Since we are rained out, I had to put myself in check to go kayaking,,, Not because I didn’t want to, but because I am awaiting the word on Title to Twuck,,, And now here I am doing this long ass word spill because I’m wired for 480!!! On nothing but the food I ate yesterday and some wierd concoction of juices and herbs.

Ok, nuff of the salespitch. You are either interested or bored silly with it. Not preaching, no lectures, just spillin’ my thoughts.

It’s gonna rain all day. and the house is warm, and I have a chinup bar thats teasing me right now. (yes, when I built my house, I DID install a chinup bar at the bedroom and the living room juncture. Only lately has it been seeing use.)(NOTE: you do NOT need a gym membership to stay in shape. Your body provides enough ‘resistance’ to get into and stay in shape. I’ve seen prisoners in better shape than body builders, doing nothing but pushups and sit-ups along with running in place.)

Anywhoos,,,, When I know about Twuck, I’ll let ya know too.

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updated: above, I posted a pic of my ‘lunch’. and yep, had already started digging in before I took the pic. Quick check of vitals 45min after eating. BP 115/70 Pulse 71, BG 92, BO2% 97. A month ago, those numbers would have been significantly higher, Hypertension levels on BP, BG over 150, and OX% around 92. I expect the OX levels to drop during digestion,,, its a highly oxidative state and a body burns more energy digesting than most any other activity, short of hard workouts. numbers don’t lie: this IS working.

Great times with Duct-tape fams last night,,, has pictures of costumes and stuff, mine being the lamest IMO, since I went as me as if I were ready for another day at school back in 1985. Headphones, aviator shades, and flannel: the only difference being my jeans were intact at the knees last night,,, Not so much 40 year ago,,,

The theme of the party was 1985. We had Al and Peg Bundy show up, Doc from Back to the Future, MizzPacman Pez dispenser, Red Ghost from Pacman, Mario and the Princess, and the cast of Christmas Vacation. (I know I’m missing a couple but, long drive to and fro, was tired and now, Everything is a bit fuzzy.)

Brudda B and Miss T always put on a good gig, from the great foods to the ambiance of venue,,, They missed their callings and should have been production/producers in the entertainment feild,,,

BUtzzzz, its end-o-week. And in similar vein, end-o-week FOUR in my diet thingy. To date, I have shed 25#, 4″ at the waist, and feel FRIGGIN! FANTAZTIC!!! Even with my splurge while at the party last night, I didn’t over do it, either in consumption of adult drinks or in gluttonous overload on some truly fantastic eats,,,, Maybe later on the other side, I will have regrets for that, but not right now. I feel good, its 6 hours into my day and I am already back into ketosis again.

Whatever I put on last night will be burned off by end of day. In relation to this part of the post and the last part of the post: I wore a pair of jeans last night that I have not been able to get into for THREE YEARS!!! And putting them on had me giggling like a school girl,,, How can I fault my ‘suffering’ when the benefits are so damned joyous? I wake up rarin’ to go, not sluggish and thinking,,,

I hate my life,,,

Not lately that is,,, As in, not in the last three weeks that I can recall,,, At first, it was “ugh,,, i has no energy,,,,” but that faded fast. NOW,,,, “Hot damn! Let’s get ’em!!!” I most certainly do NOT feel 57 these days. At least not when alone with myself. LAST NIGHT on the other hand,,,, Yeah,,, seeing the interpretations of fashion and what people equate with 1985,,, (seeing how most of the goers are in their early-mid 40s, with the exception of Miss T who is 25 and will swear to that on a stack of bibles (not mentioning the number of anniversaries she has had for that birthday,,,), LOL 😛 ) No, I was feeling my age a bit; not at all physically, but spiritually. It wore this introvert down a bit faster than I expected and towards the end, I needed to step out and just be alone for a bit. FWIW, No one was an issue, except me, feeling a bit wrung out and chewed on by time.

But today, has been good. Managed to get propane filled ON A SUNDAY, IN KENTUCKY?!?!?! OMG, What demi-goddess did I have to bed for that miracle,,,, Probably Medusa and the ‘turning to stone’ thing is delayed for a bit because she was satiated,,,, ROFL Sorry, feeling my oats so to speak,,,

Laundry is done, messing with my drivers door on Buffalo since its a frellin mess of wear and tear (why, why why, did GM decide on those mucked up fucked up hinge designs???) Makes for drafty winters driving, if ya know what I mean, or have ever had to deal with one thats loosey-goosey.

BUT, this introvert has some more stuff to do today,. Attempting to ‘manifest’ a twuck title into existence, back flush a heater core in BUff since that thing still likes to plug up over the summer. Not much else to bother with on her, or at least, nothing doable without serious downtime (like rebuilding those hinges and mounting the door good and proper,, or pull the dash out and replace the heater core with a new one,,,, THAT will take some time and doing; neither one is gonna happen in one days time. ANOTHER reason I want Twuck is to have the luxury of really fixing Buff, not just bandaiding her into retirement at some point.)

Get out, view the wildlife, enjoy this ‘reality’ as it was meant to be seen, not the distraction cinema we have built around us,,,

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