Tried to keep a situation at the J.O.B. from blowing up,

and sure as shit, it blew up in my damned face, and was even accused of ‘stirring the pot’,,,

No more.

—————————————————–

Made for a stressful day to say the least.   Even when I stopped at the store, Deb asked me if I’d had a rough day,,,   Hadn’t realized it was showing so clearly.

Lots of thoughts surrounding that right now.   And to say my light-hearted feelings from the weekend took a hit would be an understatement.

I’m working on rectifying that, right now.

No pointing of fingers, No blames being laid, (at least I am trying like hell to keep that from happening,) but I took quite a bit of the backlash VERY personally, even though it was directed at the entirity of the Emps,,, (especially that stirring the pot thing since I started the conversation with “I don’t want to start any trouble and the only reason I ask is the others have come to me.”    )

let it go,,,,

let it go,,,,

two full work days and then I am headed to the lake for the weekend.  Thursday night, Friday, Satyrday, and leave for home on Sunday.

I NEED THIS,,, and  I almost left out today prematurely,

But nope, had to be the responsible one and stay the course since we are in that big job, and now shy one Emp, which is another story in itself, (but not mine to tell. Nor do I understand the why of it,,,)

Tonight, I fought the good fight with the weeds, and the War Front is now back to the treeline again,   With as much rain as we have had,  I can see me doing it again in less than a week.    No, the mower is still whacked, but I was able to borrow Unk’s mower because not doing it, then going camping for the weekend, might cause some words to be said between self and the Da.  LOL.   Tha’salright though, its done, and now: NO Issue.

Gonna go seek some internal peace right now,,, Y’all take care and keep on livin’

Apologies for the lateness of this post,    After the post this morning, I have had a hard time coming up with something that wouldn’t detract from the earlier post nor muddy the REASON for today.

A lot of people, self included, have come to the conclusion that serving in our military has become a sham, serving the corporate oligarchy as a tool of destruction, not some defender of Freedom.  

That does not mean I don’t honor those that went before, during or after my service, and gave their all for Honor and Country.    Seeing how the subject of my earlier post, has shown me that reality is what you make it, then those that went down swingin’ with the belief they were defending Mom baseball and apple pie FREEDOM, then by god, that is EXACTLY what they were doing and I will honor thier sacrifice, and defend thier honor!!!!

Another take: In the Corps, we had the saying “GOD, COUNTRY, CORPS”, and those were the focus of our service in that order.   You didn’t sully the name of God (Whatever your perception of that is) you certainly didn’t talk shit about Good Ol’ America, and Dog help you if you slandered the beloved Corps!!!  We lived that, we breathed that, and that doesn’t just go away.  It took many years for me to come to grips that what we did in Kuwait was a corporate/oligarch mission, and had nothing to do with Freedom or the American Way,,,   I don’t think the follow ups had anything to do with protecting American interests either, and that thought was reinforced by the “run away, run away!!!’ this administration commited back in 2021.   What we were doing in the sandboxes, in hindsight is so questionable, even some kooky theory that we were protecting historical evidence of Prior ET contacts makes some sense. (yes, there are those that think such, using the original Syrian archeology digs as reason,,,,  and there may be something to that,,, seeing how the recent declassification of UAP/Pentagon ‘The Program’ has hit mainstream info,,,,)

So today, I planted a flag in a serene location, poured three shots of good whisky, and saluted two of them.   My thoughts are light and easy now: my recent foray in meditations let me know, we don’t die, not spiritually, and those that are lost are still ‘here’ or coming back here as someone else,,,,,     I can only hope that they have seen the truth and can forgive themselves of the delusion.   Granted a delusion that is neccesary to ‘do the job’, but still, a delusion nonetheless. 

To my brothers and sisters of the military arms, God Bless you all, and may we keep this country alive despite her enemies; foriegn and DOMESTIC,,,

Ho’oponopono  

Goofy sounding name (to non-Hawaiian’s) but,,,

so damned simple

“I’m Sorry, Forgive me, Thank you, I Love You”    thats it!

Last night, I jumped into this feet first, and started with people in my past; people I have not seen in thirty or forty years, people that have wronged me, I have wronged in some way, or just fell away from for whatever reasons.   Ex-girlfriends, parents, arch-enemies in high school, you name it: just go through the list of persons and started with this mantra above or some variation on it, with the core being as listed.

Start with a face in memory and saying ‘I’m sorry I was ignorant of how this world actually works, I’m sorry that my delusions created this friction between us.  Please forgive this ignorant spirit for any wrongs done or neglects created.   I thank you for your tolerance of me, and I love you for that patience and bearing and for your very existence”

Now, I must explain one thing I don’t share out much.   I meditate, not strange in itself, but I have a trick for it that I don’t recall hearing anywhere else.   You know how, when you close your eyes in a dark room, you will see patterns moving on your eyelids? (not really, there is a physical means behind it, and I will explain)   Those patterns are my focii for my meditations; rather like those trippy fractal screens from the sixties.   Actually what those patterns are, is the blood flowing through your retinal capillaries. fresh O2 giving the rods and cones a little spark, and with no actual photon excitement, the new O2 triggers them.   Its an illusion of chemistry in a sense. 

Well, last night, I was doing this, meditating using the patterns on my eyelids, chanting this mantra in my head while internally visuallizing people in my past, even going so far as visualizing a crowd of faceless people, to cover all those that I may have perturbed in some way without knowing firsthand,,,,

and then something WYRD happened,,,

Those patterns on the backside of my eyelids,,,  They took a shape, not etheral shape, but a fine lined, SHARP Image!   It was like a spiderweb, slowly spinning, but it wasn’t flat like an Orb spiders web, it had depth, and more than,,,  More like I could see height, width and depth, but also TIME, in both directions,,,

And where the lines crossed were sparks, bright points, all connected by these fine webs, some brighter than others, some really long and weak, others short and bright like a neon tube,,, and the whole was spinning and rolling slowly around a void.   But I could tell that void wasn’t empty, it just wasn’t ‘lit up’ like the web around it.

And my eyelids popped open, and I said “That was REAL!”  not some hallucination,,,   I had just seen something, something I have suspected for years, but NOW,,,

I don’t even know where to go with this,  I don’t want to make y’all think I have gone all woo-woo on ya, but dammit, there it was, visual proof given to me, of what I have thought, others have stated, even quantum phycisists have stated;  WE ARE ALL ENTANGLED AND ONE.  

‐-‐————-‐—-

I shared this with BOM last evening,  I’ll share it with all of you now.   Make of it what you will, And for the nay-sayer Bible pounding types,  he references Yeashua (Jesus) near the end,  so don’t go blowing this off as heebie-jeebie new age crap!  Give it a listen and a think first.

And then give it a try,,,

Keep on lovin’!

this is not a Memorial Day post; that comes tomorrow.

The Conundrum:  Forgiveness.  Just how far is ‘enough’?    Forgiveness is NOT JUST a Christian aspect; its embodied in most all religions and philosophies (excepting Islam, though they suggest ‘forgiveness’ of allies; at least enough to regroup,,,)

slight lane shift here: I ask that y’all forgive me for my discombobulated state these days.    I am feeling VERY distracted and off center, not because of world events, but Mamakat,,,   She is preggers, full of hormones and CLINGY AS ALL GET OUT,,,   I haven’t had a moments peace at home in two weeks, and finding solace here has been,,, ‘Taxed’,,,   This, from an 8# kat that shouldn’t be able to get pregnant.  NOTE: after these kittens are weaned, shes going to get ‘fixed’,, PERIOD, end of discussion!   The Boys and I had a long heart to heart about it and decided that we can’t handle the psychotic episodes anymore.  Once these kittens are free of Mama’s influence and need of her as support, she gets spayed.  Settle these hormonal cocktails of insanity down to just kitteh narcissism,,,,(to give you an idea of how bad it has been: Mama ‘ambushed’ Grizzy one afternoon: she was all loveydovey for about 15 seconds, giving him a bath and head strops,  then, with no warning, tore into him like he was the demons incarnate.  Tore his ear and opened a hole on his chest.   Poor boy is walking on eggshells now, scared of every twitch, ping, and thump.   

Her Psychosis is entangling all of us boys here at the ‘Stead.  Even Voo has been acting ‘off’,,,,

NO MORE GIRL KATZ!!!  (and in a round-bout way, reinforces why I am single: Don’t need the dramas, don’t WANT the dramas.)

Digression complete, back to my conundrum,,,,,Forgiveness,,,,,

Let me start somewhere concrete: My Cuz neighbor and his Ol’lady,,,   Both have stolen from me: not recently, but in the past,  I want to say I have forgiven them, but I still maintain a HUGE distance from them,,,  The Question then becomes, ‘Have I forgiven them?’ if I won’t allow them access to my immediate ‘world’?    We don’t talk at all.   Not even a hand wave in passing.  I ignore them, they ignore me.

or is this a case of

(I know they think I am strange, they even stated as much in the past: to me and others.  And I accept that moniker since I am not ‘locally raised’, I can see that I am a strange one in their perception. (not just the fact that I am a reader, have no main feed from the world programming (TV) and a serious thinker/doer:   I don’t fit their world view,,,)

Where does forgiveness begin? Where does it end?   Forgiveness, but not forgetfullness?   Does one need to ‘forget’ the transgressions?    Take for example the break-up of Ex and myself: I have forgiven her of her impropiety, thats past, means nothing today.   But I have never forgotten the lessons learned.   So in that case, have I truly forgiven her?   I know if she were to walk back in my life, for whatever reason, I would welcome her as a friend, treat with her as one, BUT would never open my heart to her as I once did.   Is that forgiveness?

Socially awkward I am, always have been, likely always will be.   Much like my Grandfather in that sense (though NOT to the extent he was, needing grandma as his intermediary in all things social.)

Small lane shift, same road.   If one is able to forgive, without forgetting, is one able to live in the NOW?    Isn’t that a paradox or contradiction?   Or is that just simple wisdom gained by bloodied spirit.

And maybe I need to learn to forgive myself FIRST,,,,   I am my own worst critic,,,,

Yeah, I am that scatter-brained right now,,, Can’t think, and when I start getting a coherent thought, here comes the Mamakat to get in my face, on my book, of the tablet, whatever I am using, demanding ” ‘TENTIONS! NReOW!!!”    And I know its the hormones getting her all flustered, scared, etc.   She doesn’t understand this and the hormones are wandering all over the place, from Maternal instincts to blissful and back to MUST PROTECT!!!     It’s not her fault and it’s not like she has any logic circuits in her greymatter,,,,

this too shall pass 

ooooohhhhhhhmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

exhale.

It’s domestics day, or I could wait till the morrow for it, since tomorrow is an off day/holiday.   I have my little routine for Memorial Day, something quite personal for the few that I knew “who gave all”, and extended out to those I didn’t know personally.  

I wrap out todays thinks (here) with a tune about forgiveness.  keep on livin’

A VERY interesting spot here,,, About 100′ offshore is a shoal or something, and the waves stand TALL and break.

Is also a high traffic area with only the sea-doos being absent.  May have something to do with that shoal, dunno,,,(and that’s fine by me,,  no like sea-doos,,,)

Anywhoos, just sittin’, chillin’, and letting me thinks settle to the sounds of water, wind, and waves.

More later

Keep on livin’

Buffalo is getting new shoes today.  Of course, mid afternoon, busy shop, Memorial day weekend dead ahead,,,

Sigh ,,,

Waiting rooms suck,,,  

But tires are one of those things that, while I could do it redneck-like; MUCH prefer someone else get their front feet dirty doing,  and with the tools to do it RIGHT.   And willing to pay the little bit extra for.

Only true bonus at this place: ZERO diversity hires in site.  All bearded rednecks with grimy nails and that wrench knowledgeable twinkle in the eye.  That twinkle might also be from some elicit ‘partaking’,  but I would bet these guys used old bearing races as teething rings in their diaper days.   Buff is good hands, IMO.

Yeah,  pay was that good this week, that I decided to just go for it on all four corners of Buffy.    Not too bad,  bought three, and the fourth ‘free’  ((TANSTAAFL!!!))

And I won’t be regretting the choice come Twosday when I return to the J.O.B.  

LONG holiday weekend,  short week upcoming, then LAKETIME WITH KAYAK-Y KREW!!!!  

Feelin’ just a touch anxious for that, ready for the company of Brudda B n Fam, Lil Bubs smilin’ face (who ISNT so Little anylonger,,,) and the Gi-normous horses the B calls his dawgs,,, Sasha n Riggs.

So’s, come the afternoon this upcoming turdsday,,,,,

More laters

Y’all ‘member Peanut

Wellssss,,,  her name is now (for now) Nellie,  and she recently took an airplane ride to Paducah KY.  She is now in a pittie rescue, IS getting the surgery she needs (amputation from a broke leg she picked up after I took her back to work.  She found out what happens when you catch the car 😞) 

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/nRywEtgy4sDaeat5/?mibextid=xfxF2i

The lil’girl has lots of love in her, and would have been MORE THAN welcome to join the tribe at the J.O.B., only she was VERY aggressive to outsiders,   like Garbage men and the UPS guy,,, 

From what Son of Bossman was telling me,  she completely won over the hearts of the people at BOTH shelters,   enough to get a donated plane ride clear across the state of  KY, literally corner to corner of the state. That ain’t cheap!!! (And the look on her face in the window of that plane,,, Oh lord! I’m in for it now!!!!  lol.  )   (says much about her demeanor that they put her in that plane FREE,  not in a crate, she is that cool about things, that trusting of those she meets. (cepting garbage doods and UPS,,,,)

So she’ll become a tripod doggie, and probably get even more loving as she grows into her new world.  

I wish the furries ALL the best, and she is getting hers: a forever home, somewhere.