This means WAR
Headed home from lake, after all my running (have to run to Corbin area to get some of my prefered weekly stuff; lake is on the other side, so I double down.) and suddenly,
hack cough!
Hiccup! Hiccup!
sputterrrrrrrr DEAD!
Ah shit! WTF now?!?!?!
Low Fuel light is on. Huh?
ODO is showing only 140 miles since last weeks fillup,,,, Double huh?
FORTUNATELY,,,, I am right across from a filling station, though not one I usually frequent since they always charge thirty cents over everyone else in the area.
17 gallons.
SEVENTEEN FRICKEN GALLONS
Buff would have had to be sputtering and backfiring all week, to get that BAD of fuel milage.
I need to find a locking gas cap for Buff. ASAP! Friggin Cuz has been stealing my gas now. Thats the only thing I haven’t a way of locking up yet, and the security system (factory) isn’t sensitve enough to detect a sneak around a gas cap. That and one of those solar charged Motion detector lights (though, Kats,,, Deer,,,,Bear,,, Probably going to be a lot of false positives,,,,)
I try to keep tongue in cheek about this shit, but in this case, I hope the fucker dies a horrible death,,, he ain’t worth one of Grizzy-kats shits for all I am concerned.
((Update: Pulled the trigger on the parts I need, and will be here in a few days. May have been able to find cheaper, but would have spent more chasing them down in this area, Hatez to lean on the Zon like that but when you needs something, you needs it. That since that bastard has moved in, I have had to start locking up EVERYTHING,,, I dunno, something is going to give at some point,,,
So much for that lovely dopamine rush I picked up today,,, guess I needed something to balance out the good, eh?)))
Blown away on Dopamine
Or you could say, I was literally getting blown away. Gusting winds starting at 7 and going to ‘lean Dio over into the water’,,,, Getting spray off mildly choppy water level of gusts. A few boats about, and I did catch some wave action from them, but had to go out to the shallows at the end of the point. That let them get kicked up a bit where I was happier and also risked bottoming out, though i didn’t…
What I did do was exactly what I chose to do. Get out there, (full wetsuit, skirt, 1.5mm jacket on top of that, and the PFD and a neoprene hood, ) and practice hipsnaps and rolls. Did some small wind spriints just for warm ups when the wind started getting my soaking self a little chilled. Found that with strong wind, Lyssa doesn’t pay any damned attention to the bow rudder stuff. Acts like that paddle isn’t even there. But that says a lot about how hard that wind was blowing, trying to push her stern down wind and point me into it. Hard edge and stern rudder kept things managable. (thats the point of the skeg; trimming the kayak in winds not head on.)
Got all gussied up when I got there, hauled Lyssa to the water, and before I did anything else, walked out into the drink until I was bouyant. and let me tell you, that first dousing rushing in the seams and zippers!!!! I did that Scooby giggle thing. But once that initial shock was over,,,, man,,, getting into the kayak and rolling over was EASY. That ‘introduction’ shut down any hindbrain protests solidly.
Water is about 48 degrees right now, outside temps at 50ish, but hard gusting winds probably knock that ‘percieved’ temp down to 45 or so. Lord knows when it was blowing in my face, it felt like little razors hitting skin. Pogies were definitely the choice for handcoverings today.
No distance other than my sprints back and forth across the little bay. May have hit a mile, but I did untold number of hipsnaps on both sides, using the paddle float, not a rock or treestump (none close enough to deep water to use) Then I did some rolls. Off side still needs work, but my confidence that I CAN roll is back up. and Lyssa makes this shit EASY, almost as easy as my old Pirouette did. (think you wanna roll up and you are,,,) Sitll no love from the paddle nap position, and I can tell its something I am doing wrong (probably trying to lift my head, hard instinct to overcome)
BUT,
You can’t say that this isn’t a happy face.
Satyrday starts,,,,
Pissed off the kat this mornin’. Was up WAY early, and he refused to budge out oof bed until a reasonable hour. LOL Oh wells, more coffee and creamer for me. (he loves cream; Duh! Kat! )
Trying something a little different today, started my day with 10 minutes on the Erg while waiting for coffee to brew. Not much, but something, more to get my hips informed that “today is a paddle day, loosen up,,,,” And I am considering that when I get to the lake, the first thing I am going to do is work on that rolling thing for a few minutes. Others have said that is the best way to ‘remind’ your muscles about whats coming up. Personally, I think its a way of ‘waking up’ the hind brain and saying, this is where we are, this is what we are doing, now get your ass ready to pull me out of the drink if need be. Rolling needs to be instinctual IMO,,, I see it in the whitewater ‘masters’; doing combat rolls so fast, I don’t beleive they even realized they were underwater till they are wiping their faces off. Those guys (and some gals) start their ‘trip’ off with a small roll session usually. Maybe I need to emulate that myself. Why not today? (and every time hereafter)
But Dio, that water is KOLLDDDDDD!!!
Your point? its gonna be cold if I capsize and am not ready for it. Better to be ready, right? And maybe being wet will keep me cooler while I am going after those miles. Lord knows last weekend, I was soaking wet and didn’t capsize: I was drenched in sweat under that drytop. (they say gore-tex breaths,,, I can say otherwise,,, maybe it does to some extent, but certainly not as fast as I was sweating.)
Mama just popped in, wet, told me ‘Hey! It’s rainin’!” shook off all over me and the keyboard,,, then went lookin’ for krunchies,,,
Kayaking is a wet sport right? Rain above, water below the hull, paddle splash, spray from waves, you name it, you are going to get wet. Winter requires different apparrel than summer. Has that, has options on that, able to shift things up as conditions change, but I still want a full drysuit. Maybe not this year though. Wanna see what the next year brings us before I go investing in ‘frivolous’ again so soon.
And its about time to head out. Sun is still below the horizon, and I won’t see a sunrise today with all the cloud cover we have. Calling for highwinds tomorrow with all day rain, and that’s fine for a Sunday,,, Forces me to stay inside and do the things I SHOULD be doing on domestics day.
Loads on my mind, but its not gelling up to words on screen right now. Not something I can force either.
Time to go get wet,,, more later
Winter blahs
up before the alarm but not a Grizzy issue,,,, Schnoz issue,,, Head full of junk and slime, achy and ohgawdjustletitend sinus pressures.
Hatez this time of year. Up-downs of temperatures and humidity do all sorts of bad things: being affected by molds and fungi, I get hit hard this time of year.
But I deal. this morning felt like ‘lack of humdity’ pressure (don’t ask how I know, its not a thing I can explain, I just pay attention to gut feels) so I put a 2 gallon stewpot on the gas-stove, full of water and some mint leaves, and filled the house with steam and smells. Shits starting to loosen up and the pressure is breaking now.
More losses in the blog world. Divemedic’s mother passed this mortal coil.
I see a similar day coming myself. Maybe not my Da, but my friend at work, Bones. He ain’t lookin’ too good these days and believe me, that’s saying alot. Not family by blood, but family that can’t be replaced nonetheless. A fountain of information about this area and its people that can’t be replicated. Myself and Son of Bossman watch, wait, and do nothing because, well, Bones,,, He is a force unto himself and his distrust of doctors is one of his taproots in the world.
There is a time for everything.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
- To every thing there is a season,
- and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
- A time to be born, a time to die;
- a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
- A time to kill, and a time to heal;
- a time to break down, and a time to build up;
- A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
- a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
- A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
- a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
- A time to get, and a time to lose;
- a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
- A time to rend, and a time to sew;
- a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
- A time to love, and a time to hate;
- A time of war, and a time of peace.
Christmas is always a hard time to go through when there is loss, but in some ways, that is part of the celebration of life: there must be loss to offset the gains. Without the pain, here can be no hope. This fact is always elusive when the pain is so great it feels insurmountable, but there is always hope: greater pain, greater hope, you have to have both. If we had no losses, there would be no hope and that is not how human beings function. We need stife, loss, difficult times: if we don’t have those we go stark raving mad. And there is part of me that thinks that is why we are having such a hard time in the world today: so many have hit that lack of want state, that they have nothing to focus on. Lord knows I feel it in my own personal life: I can order whatever I want online, have it days later, and then I feel unsatisfied about things. I need that strife, that insecurity of need, even if its making something, hoping I don’t fuck this up. (and there is a thought here about some of the things I keep hearing in my recent lecture listening phase, but I am only touching on it here, not delving)
more laters,,, I need to move my arse off to that J.O.B. thing and be a responsible serf in the world. Kittehs want thier foodies yaknow.
No regrets,,,
The year was 2008, August 5th to be exact, when my personal TEOTWAWKI peaked. I say peaked because up to that point, my life had turned into a complete living hell, having suffered hearing loss and losing a career I absolutely loved, finding out my Partner of 7 years was involved in another long term relationship: and it wasn’t until that day, when I was told in no uncertain words, I had no chance at all of recouping 7 years of efforts.
I became a literal whirlwind and destroyed our mutual office, (my venting the anger before it became a murderous rage) then told her to go away for a couple days and I would move out and we could figure out the property issues in a more civil nature, but that at that time, I was no one to be around. The next 48 hours, I didn’t sleep, I held a yardsale and sold all of my stuff that I knew I was not going to be able to lug with me, sent some of it to my sisters for safekeeping (tools) and found an apartment near the college ( I was working at the hospital at the time in an IT support role.)
And my life began to make changes.
I changed my name, not out of desire, but due to ‘rules’ on a site, a name that is still with me to this day. A Name that was needed to be able to grow as a person, because there was just so much baggage attached to the other name,,, I needed a fresh start.
Well, Diogenes Hill, (thatsameee!) was born like most people are, in pain, misery, into the cold world, but with a chance that the old ‘me’ would have ignored because it wasn’t ‘liberal’ enough. I needed that conservatism to grow.
Oh, how I wish I had been introduced to Jordan Peterson then,,,, No regrets, I’ve found him now, and vicarious mentor that he is, thats enough.
Remember this one thing: You have to do the work. No one NO ONE is going to do it for you. EVER. Not God, not Jesus, not your wife/husband, your children (especially not them) NO ONE.. Only you. If you have to take a new name to do it, then DO IT, but find out what makes yourself tick, what things need changed so that you can find that break in the ruts you have dug for yourself, and only YOU know those things. The things you excuse away as the eyelids fall so you can get some rest, the things you know you do wrong but to not do them feels harder than climbing Mt Everest.
Some of the things Jordan talks about, I have been doing for years,,, its that self-introspection thing I am (irritatingly) known for. I examine everything I say, EVERYTHING. I may write stories, but I Tell the Truth IRL. Maybe some find that to be a curse in some ways, but, if you are bullshitting your way through life, you earn BULLSHIT. And there are times where I felt bad because I didn’t tell the truth; in fact, I said nothing at all because I felt the person that needed to hear it wasn’t ready. Those points are getting fewer between, but still happen: that goes right hand in hand with JP’s rule ” Tell the truth, or at least, don’t lie.” Don’t lie means keep your peace IMO. Or change the subject away from the area of contention. I don’t like to do that last since that was what led up to the breakup that tore what was left of my world apart.
My biggest obstacle I have, self inflicted, as really, they all are, is Self-discipline. My personal resolve has become shaky, and I can hand you so many excuses: I know them all because I tell them to myself frequently enough,,,, But MY resolve needs a tune-up. There are things I need be doing, that come the end of the day I hit “I can do that tomorrow” phase,
But tomorrow never comes.
I have been doing a little better over the last couple of months on ‘little things’, but to be honest, I am never satisfied,,, I need to push myself harder. One area I have been pushing, but needs more ‘umph!’ is paddling, but not just the paddling itself, other aspects of it, like rolling. Why that? Because it is the penultimate recovery method when shit goes sideways. All the others increase risks of harm/exposure. (and oh, if you could hear the conversations between Jamie and Dio when this stuff comes out on the water,,,, Yes, I talk with both of my personas: they are the same person, but not the same personality,, Does that make me pathologically insane? I don’t think so. I find they balance each other, and it does give me the ability to look at a situation from two diametrically opposed views. And this isn’t split personality issues, they are both ME,,, and make up the ME I have evolved into since 2008. )(note, I do have a roll, but not great, not practiced very much, and little confidence in it at this point. I need to change that.)
Heres the real kicker. I answer to both names equally. Like someone in your family calling you some pet name, and your business associates calling you by your birthname or surname: you respond just as freely. (though when the Mama starts calling you by your first, middle AND last name, ya might wanna find a place to hide,,,,) There is no hesitation because Diogenes (short form Dio) is me just as much as the name I was given at birth (which my sisters morphed continuously for my entire childhood.) I don’t hide this
I don’t hide behind this. My contact email has my real name in it. I have to use my birth name on all legal matters so that name is going no where. I published one of my books under my real name so that my Da could see it on something other than a subpeona before he leaves this mortal coil: somehing he could show his friends and say “My son did this”.
But somehow, someone recently took offense when she found out I have two facebook pages. (the one under the birth name was abandoned years ago, I just never deleted it: have you TRIED to delete a fakebook account? Damned near impossible because, even though you created it, its ‘yours’ perse, its also a revenue generator for FB and they don’t want you to go away,,,, Just because stuff on the Nets is ‘free’ doesn’t mean its free. If you can’t see the product being sold, YOU ARE THE PRODUCT BEING SOLD. Keep that in mind when you sign up on these social media sites. )
‘and there I go again,,, shifting tracks mid journey’
Better discipline. Needs it. Had it at one point but losing it was easy,,, Sheer laziness,,,, Time to make like the Stoics and start hardening up MY WORLD again,, not just hardening up for the world to come.
More tomorrow.
(FYI, if you haven’t checked out Jordan Peterson, do so. He isn’t for everyone, but then, no one person is. BUT, I think you will find his voice to be quite refreshing in comparison to the turmoils that are spewed on the regular these days.)
May be some light posting ahead.
I’m in information overload mode, sometimes refered to as “SPONGE” where I am indiscriminately pulling in gobs of stuff for analysis by the subconcious.
I’d say you can blame Spud by sending me that link, but that would be a lie. I have been looking at stuff Jordan Peterson has been putting out for awhile, gleaning good impressions from other writers, just hadn’t pulled the trigger on actually diving into that pool,,,
Until yesterday’s work session listening to him talk.
Ya might say that Spud’s link was the peice of gravel that started this avalanche.
And it’s making me pull out the mirror again (shush B, you know me and my introspections and that that is just how I am,,,)
IMO, no one is perfect, and I take that to heart and continuously look at how I am dealing with life and if/what/where I can improve myself. And some of the things Jordan says, hit me on the oblique and well,,,,, DIVE IN DIO, the waters fine.
And being at the shop all day with zero to minimal distractions, I can put the headphones in and listen to podcasts, lectures, etc etc and that makes the day go by oh so much faster; so yah, I am swimming in LOADS of information and ideas and just soaking them in. Not trying to assess things just yet, (that happens when I close my eyes and I wake up at zero dark when some little bomb of “oh, thats what he meant!” goes off in me head. I learn best this way, if its intangible/abstract/philosophical. Hands on stuff is the “must get paws dirty” type learning.
But I gotta say, his ‘bend’ on religion sits well with mine: he uses the bible frequently to illlustrate his points without being evanglistic about it. I can dig on that. Its the evangelist that does the “THIS IS THE WAY AND NO OTHER” that gets under my skin faster than a skinhead socialist punk with Daddies credcard to back him up.
Anywhoos,,, I will be posting, but may be ‘off beat’ for me while I am stewing in all of these words (spoken and read) flying around looking for niches to fill.
(PS: I much prefer the live versions from Oingo Boingo,,, The studio stuff never hits me the same way.)
Surprise Dio!
Went in to the J.O.B. and found I have work, SOLID work for at least two weeks. The sort of solid work where I ‘write my own hours’: Dog kennels, a list of them nearly as long as my arm and BUNDLES of pipe to cut and weld.
Not the greatest thing in the world, but that I can count on AT LEAST the next two payperiods being good, leading up to the end of the year,,,, Not a bad exit of a year in question.
Wanna H/T to Spud,, he sent me a link to a vid that I was listening to while at grindstones today. Embed to follow. This is the sort of stuff that I can dig on,,, the sort of shit that I get involved in when in groups,,, let that conversation roll and see what comes of it sort of stuff.
too many points where I was either nodding in agreement or sayin’ to self ‘that explains A LOT,,,,’ Give it a watch/listen when ya can,,,yes, its quite long but worth the time IMHO.
Gotta tell ya though, Ol’Man winter is hitting me hard today. Came home feeling frozen and still haven’t warmed up all that much despite the warmth of the house. Feeling worn out, cold and ready to drop like the proverbial stone in the well. Crackin’ my jaw I’m yawning so much. I truly do not like this time of year. Maybe thats why they declared the winter solstice as the birth of Christ: hope during times of downchecks. Could be, but single empty nester with scattered fams and friends,,, gets a might lonely and depressing. Seeing it in Da too. (keeping an eye on him, yes I am,,,)
But, I will get through it, working from start to stop will definitely be a help there, despite getting frozen in that shop. New motors on the way and that will be more time to keep busy in.
and thats what I need at this time of year. Get so busy that I fall like a felled tree when I get home. Kittehs may be a bit miffed that the oldman is a lump under the blankies, but thats alright, they know they can curl up on top just fine. Little rugmonkeys are spoiled little tyros anyways,,,,
Dio's Workshop 