Social Suicide?

I’m not suicidal: I may not fear death, but I am still sort of addicted to breathing.

But recent events, in my personal and external worlds have led me to do some serious soul searching. One question I keep asking, “Is this MINE?” and most of what has been causing me the greatest greif is NOT such. Thats not to say I haven’t any problems,, I has plenty

But the ones causing the drinking to increase, the sleepless nights (the reason for the the drinking: so I could get to sleep without stirring about staring at walls.) Which led to other issues that only started a downward spiral in spiritual equilibrium,,, No, those weren’t mine, they were caused by stoopid hooman powergrabbing tricks. Brinksmanship moves by power players that threatened world populations: not mine. The ditching of a base that carried you into power and then backstabbing them, calling them NUTZ and other things: NOT MINE.

It made me see the world through a different set of lenses and I didn’t like the view, and I came real close to burning out. And to boot, Seeing how others are still buying into the propaganda feeds without questioning ANYTHING, despite the fact that just months ago, they were saying completely opposite things: the mental gymnastics I would have to go through to accomplish that feat would have me sedated and bound into a straight-jacket.

WHEN I HIT THAT LEVEL,,, I fall back to the most psychotic movie of the 90’s “Fight Club” Why? Because for all the Multiple personality Disorder problems Tyler Durden had, his alter ego had some solid foundations in place. Hence the videoclip from that movie in yesterdays post. “Our Great war is a Spiritual War, Our great Depression is Our Lives.”

Foundations. Maybe thats part of my problem. The last few months, BlooTwuck trials and tribulations, Da taking a downward turn for a spell, Property issues needing addressed and under a deadline sort of thing ,,, My foundations have been tossed and turned like San Francisco during a major Earthquake.

Ground and center: Thats the goal post now. Find that ground and center. Make it something CONCRETE, and not fluid like my kayaks (those aren’t going away, just won’t be the main line defense against the rest of the world.)

recently I made mention of a changing up how I keep the house warm during the winter months. That project will be part of future posts. Getting BlooTwuck solid again, also post oriented (more on that later in the post) And of course, my spiritual efforts in some way shape or form will be post material.

But the Fake and Gay bullshit of Bought and Paid For Politicians? Zion/Muslim tantrums? Posturing for status in a dying system as the world slowly but steadily DECENTRALIZES and the word EXPERT is becoming a bad joke,,, Naw, not gonna talk about that shit no mo’.

Like BCE stated,,, Keeping an eyeball on it as it does have trickle down effects (Like fuel prices through the frellin’ roof and only climbin’) but I can not let it dictate my SPIRITUAL WELL BEING, and it was trying so hard to take over.

Something something about Archons here, and if you have any Gnostic background,, Well, I was being fed upon and it was starting to show up physically. I lost 10 pounds over the span of a week,,,My focus was shot to HELL, and well, I’ve told ya; I was drinking way more than I should’ve.

I’m grabbiing the reins back.

Live

Learn

LAUGH

LOVE

LOAD!!!

OOps,,, Forgot to tell ya: Going to pick up a running block for BlooTwuck this weekend. Gonna swap out the smoke-machine sometime over the next couple weeks. Prefer to do it one ‘take’, not spread out across weeks of J.O.B. Borrowed an engine hoist from one of the many cousins in the area so thats one thing out of the way and not an added expense. (goes back to my wrenching days: Borrow once: Ok, Borrow Twice: put money aside to buy, Borrow third time; buy as soon as available. )