Scrublands

Historically, the place I reside was called Dry Hill. It ain’t, but thats beside the point. Its more recent naming is Briarhill. THAT is as accurate a description as I can think of.

I walked the perimeter of my property this eve, geo-cacheing the outer points and recording the GPS coordinates. I will be filing paperwork here soon, after I discuss things with lawyer and Civil engineer I know (the latter for how to word the boundery description with those coordinates, and minor landmark BUT PERMANENT points )

I made reference that I am not very trusting of anyone local here recently. and the person I am least trusting of is my cousin purchasing Da’s house. Not that he has made noize that would indicate deceptive moves, but there are little verbal ticks that have been said that tells me “COVER YOUR ASS!!!” See, Unk and I are co-owners of the property my house sits on: problem being, thats a VERBAL AGREEMENT and his son was not a part of that agreement. IF, God forbid, something were to happen to HIS Da, well, I could easily see him and self getting into a reall frackus over “who owns what”. No thanks,,, I want this in writing, with certifications and FILED AND RECORDED accordingly. Its been a back and forth thing. Unk wants to just sign it all over to me: son tells him ‘no’, then its back again,,, (and Unk can lilve here for the rest of his life for all I am concerned,,, I’d like to split the property in two anyways, for the Address things, and getting it OFF the list of ‘private drive’ and onto a county road. Get the Magistrate off his limey ass and do something about that damned hill. that would open up the doors for the county to do something about BadCuz’s dawgs as well.) I’m tired of the pinball effect its having on my spirit. I was up till 4am last night, tossing and turning with the varied levels of anxiety the whole thing (property issues, both mine and Da’s, Da and his medical state, Da and his MENTAL state, WORK BILLS,,,, on and on and on it went until I sat my ass down, glass in hand, and said “what can you do about ANY of this at 4 AM? Notta damned thing,,, GO TO BED!!! ” The glass helped, but the talk did more. I woke a little less stressed.

And to boot,,, I know all of this is just one more test in this fucked up krazy ‘reality’ before I can move on. I feel like I am failing this one… I don’t like that.

I’m a simple man. I like things balanced and predictable. I can handle ‘not predictable’,,, where I fail the most is “TRUST” . Been burned a few times, and when things are ‘real world’ with clerical errors and vague wordings, and HUMAN NATURE inspired manipulations,,, Yeah,,, VERY MUCH the curmudgeon expecting the knife in the kidneys,,,, I don’t like being like that, which is why I usually keep my dealings much closer to the chest, small and of low value. (to the world in general, but plenty valuable to me.)

This too shall pass.

And when it does,,, I will look back on it just like I do when runing whitewater. Looks hellish up top, then at the bottom of the run, nearly tame and I ask myself what the problem was. I know I am a cautious person, but there is a point where caution becomes COWARD,,, and I don’t like to think I am that. I risk, just look at the turns my chapters have made over the last 35 years. Mechanic, sound dood, Production company, National Touring Sound dood, national touring MANAGER,,,, I didn’t do those things because I trained my ass off in some school,,, I learned them by jumping in, both feet, not holding my nose and DOING…. Thats not cowardice,,, And I do not like the idea that I may be getting cowardly in my older phases…

So, whats holding me down right now? Lord, thats a talll question. INSECURITY. Holding the line, with anchors in place, but one main anchor is loose and sliding along the sea-floor. DAD. His fighting whatever the hell got him and slowly (RAPIDLY) going downhill, has upset my balance something feirce. I have been unloading on Brudda B more and more lately. I, and this took some doing on my part, let one of my sisters take over things for a spell (She IS much better at the paperwork crap,, I tend to be better at the face to face people stuff: so long as “I’d rather eat your spleen with a spoon” look is the effect needed. ) It has allowed me to focus more on my issue of the property, Which is much needed to be done. But I feel like I chintzed out a bit: dropping the ball so to speak.

I am not as stoic as I would like to believe. I also think the Stoics of old would find this Bureaucratic world flat unbearable.Shit just does NOT need to be this frellin’ complicated.

Anywhoobamajigawitz,,, its getting late, I’m actually ready to view the inside of my eyelids tonight, not toss and turn in turmoil. (exhaustion? Mehbe,,,,) And the world at large continues to spin, orbit the sun and proceed apace at near a million miles per hour through the universe.

i’z just anudder sparklie in the great big wide,,,, this ain’t reality,,,, thats waits for later,,,

Luv y’all

LLLLL!

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