Too much time on my hands,,,(with a “right turn, Clyde” inside.)

I know I’ve been down this road a time or three here on the blog.  

I figured out some of whats been bugging me about getting out: kayaking, camping, what have you.    I have way too much time on my hands where I am completely SOLO.   Be it on the job, where I am “IT” doing the repairs, putting out the fires, programming stuff, you name it: Just little ol Me.

Then I get home and its four footed furries to keep me company and they ain’t the greatest for conversation if you know what I mean,,,

So when the weekend comes around and I want to get out, the ‘meh’ hits hard because its more of the same: SOLO.

Y’know, you can only look into the abyss for so long before the abyss starts staring back,   Scratch that; GLARING back,,,  Introspection is a wonderful tool, but like everything in life, Moderation is key, and I have had quite a fill of introspection the last few years.    I found that I like who I am, even if there are some rough spots still, but they make me the character people know; not bugs, but features so to speak.   I have looked into the shadow side of myself and come to terms with that, keep some of it locked away until such time as it might be needed, but know “This is Me” and accept that fact willingly.   (yes, there is a horror show side of me that still exists, locked up tight, but ready to be unleashed should circumstances dictate.   Think every horror torture the Native Americans came up with, like the blood eagle, and you have some idea of that shadow.  )

Yah,, I just wanna spend time shootin’ the breeze with someone that has some vocabulary behind their eyes.   And knowing that hitting the water or campsite isn’t likely to generate that “why bother” comes into play.  

But Dio, you might meet someone to talk to if you go; staying home means that CAN’T happen,,,

Yeah,,, trust me, that internal conversation has happened more than I could count. Issue there: I’m an introvert.  Opening up, even a little, to complete strangers is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT.

Is what it is,,,     Friends have their lives too, and as I ‘jokingly’ said at camp one time.  “The difference between adulthood and childhood.  Schedulting work or scheduling downtime with friends..   Kids get work schedules, Adults have to schedule fun stuff like camping.”

Funny that I don’t have to worry about scheduling stuff like Kayaking, or camping, (IF I do it solo), but still have to work schedules for meetups.    Almost like I am on that cusp of adult/big kid.   

We grow up, get out of school, become adults, then hit the age where we have the time to do what we want, and no one to do it with,   

LIFE

LOL  I guess it depends on how you look at it for the pro’s and con’s of each stage.     Somehow, it all works out though.     Most of us don’t end up going postal or shooting up churches.

And on that note,,,,,,,, the recent shooter,   I don’t even want to name a name or place a face to the shitstain,,, BUT, I did see one hell of a Meme that summed it all up the best.   “If you see an apple, they have a banana”    This TRANS shit is out of hand.   We have had Crossdressers since time out of mind, and until Xi-Den and Oblammy, it was just a fringe thing and people didn’t give much notice.    NOW, we are supposed to recognize them as “NORMAL”, not the laughing stock or eccentric of yore.  

NO

NO

NO

I’m done playing that game and I WILL laugh in your fucking face or even openly state slurs in your direction.   

Added later

TWO GENDERS: Male    Female.    If you wanna be nueter, your bizz, you wanna pack fudge, YOUR BIZZ, but keep it to consensual adults, behind closed doors, and DO NOT TRY TO FORCE THE REST OF THE WORLD INTO YOUR WANNABE IMAGE.        Don’t expect special treatment because you are sick in the head.   We used to lock people away for mental illness, and that went the wayside in the 90’s.  Things have been getting progressively crazier and crazier ever since.

Maybe its best that I stay solo most times.

Opinionated Ornery rat bastage that I am.  One with a beast locked up tight in the recesses of my soul.  

Live

Laugh

LOVE

LEARN

LOAD

(PS, EDITED for typos and missing words for clarity.)