Sonday edition, little thoughts

SO far,,, lookin’ around the spheres, seems my take that the weekend festivities were tamped down well below the “Fort Sumter” level so many expected.      Things happening overseas are much more involved including dissent within country of Iran, and potential fleeing of the leaders of such to Russian territories for protection.    Hmmm,,, Reverse color revolution in process?   Seeing how our own agencies caused the rise of the Ayatollahs (sp?) and the beginning of all the ME fun and games since,,,, Create the monster, control the narrative, MAINTAIN CONTROL of the system.   They are losing that now.

Killer loose in the northern states: talk about the disease being self destructive.  This is that in real time.   Of course the spin will cover all of that up in time, but seeing it in the light for now, may wake up a few more on this road into the future.

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Full confession: Seriously thinking to shutter this thing I call a blog.   Its a cartharsis, but it hasn’t been fulfilling that role of late.    Part of that is an honesty on my part: there are things I WILL NOT DISCUSS in the public realm, and those are the things that are predominant in my head right now.  I am losing my way and THAT is anethema.   It may be that some of my readers have noted the shift here and there,,, that I used to post multiple times a day on a regular basis, but lately, less posts than days in the week.   And of course there have been more ‘spiritual’ postings as well.  

YES, that is where my thoughts are tending,,, this great big wide world,,, Not so much.  I’ve always been more introspective than most around me, and that introspection is taking DEEP DIVES of late.   Spending far more time looking in, digging under the crud in the corners: Its had 57 years to build up in the corners of this mind and is pretty thick in the lesser traveled parts of it.   (and yes, there is one hallway that is blocked and barricaded with heavy bars and chains.   For good reason.   That one is not getting cleaned, though I will oil the locks and make sure I know where the keys are: gotta keep that beast restrained for now.)

Ok,,, maybe not SHUTTER the blog, Hell, just keep doing what I am doing.  Not gonna lie; there are times where what I write is going to be non-sensical to you because you aren’t living in my head.   Times reading and you read a sentence and scratch your head, askin’ “What the hell did that mean”,,,,   Those will be my tells, so to speak, that I am thinking deeper than what I am sharing.

And you wanna hear a funny?   The deeper I delve, the shallower all of this shit feels.    Mere icing on a cake we call reality, that is really just bubbles of space in empty randomness.   Deep, it ain’t.   Cause/effect, conviction/consequence, peace/turmoil,    No need to go into it all, when a picture will do

I’m tending somewhere on the darker side of late, and I want to be right in the middle, on that division between light and dark.  I ain’t there, and it’s eating at me.    Somewhere over the last 2 months, I dropped off and it feels like I am spinning out of control.    My dark night of the soul even went PooF! into drole existance, day to day muhndanity,,, leaving me feeling greyed out and off balance.   And the imbalance has opened me up to getting sick again.   Two instances, near back to back,

Maybe I’m just feelin’ my age, or my age is making itself known to my still 26 yo mind that refuses to accept the ‘new normal’ ,,,,   sigh

But one thing my introspection has made clear: I need to start getting off my ass and DOING,,,   Far too often the last few months, I come home and occupy a chair, book in hand, or keyboard in lap, and thats the place until its too dark to see or my eyes are leaking down my face in strain.    Even my kayaking has takin’ a hit (and part of that is due to dawgum, but not all, nowhere near all,,,I ain’t blaming him/his existance for my lack of willpower.   I just need to adapt him into things and accept that he is pupper, and that things are going to be ‘exciting’ until he hits adult stage and tones down a bit.)

Which brings up a little sidestory (not a digression, just wanting to share a ‘cute’ instance.)    Yesterday morning, I opened up the house, coffee on, Cozzie off doing Cozzie things,,,,   Me tappin’ away at one of those two posts (which were headaches with faulty keyboard,,, ) Suddenly, Coz is back and wet, head to tail, and excited as heck ‘come see da! Come see!”.   I turn my chair to look out the front door onto the porch and whatzI see?   Another puppie,,, Black and white, one of the newer batch from Cousins place,,,  “OH to the hell NO!,,, No more puppies, ones MORE than enough!”  So I get up, gently scoop up an 8 weekold pup, and start heading towards cousins house.  ONLY,,, Not just one, but THREE,,,,   Cozzie must have been running around the woods, caught their attention and led them home.   They followed the pair of us excitedly (new adventure!) back to cousins house and there I left them, with Couzinz GF, who immediately swatted them on the butts as they ran back to mamadawg.   It was really cute the way Cozzie was excited about ‘new friends’ and that makes me feel sort of bad that he is my only dawg, but to be honest, with my lifestyle, more than one is not happening, and one is likely to much as well.   I’m commited now, and as he gets older and needs less attention to feel secure, I can return to ‘Voodoo days’ and not need to worry.    Right now, he’s a baby, needs that attention and affection for growth: I get that.  Wasn’t ready for it, but I will adapt.

Maybe that’s part and parcel for my current status,,,   BUT, if that’s the case,,, this ain’t goin’way anytime soon or easily.  I won’t abandon my bond or word to any animal I commit to. 

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