Introspection daze

alternative title: you are what you think,,,

sitting here at the house, kinda grey out with drizzles and chill weather: Blackberry spring as its called in these parts,,,   Katz are stickin’ close and snoozin’; don’t wanna be out there gettin’ wet fur, ya know.

and I got to thinkin’ on my blow up yesterday.  Yeah, it wasn’t all me, there was quite a bit of input from another involved

But it shouldn’t have been so intense.

Why? becomes the question I ask myself.  

‘You are what you think” and what you tell yourself (your thoughts) get reflected in your actions/reactions.  Subtle and repetitive is the name of the game here.

I poke back to my my music list of a few days back.    The first and second song on that list, while fun to jam to, aren’t exactly positive thinks, if ya get my drift.

And the second had been a damned ear-worm in my head for a week straight. (Be extremely careful with what you invite IN,,,)

My attitude was shifting in that direction and when you are telling yourself, under your overlying thoughts, that you are a loser, and then someone starts pointing fingers,,,   Bad reactions are bound to occur.

You are what you think.   You are the only person in your life that has FINAL say in what goes on in your head: DON’T let yourself be ‘your own worst enemy’.  And yuppers,,, I most definitely need to take my own advice here. Practice what ya Preach, Dio!!!

workin’ on that.    Part of why I am taking the day to ‘be by myself, be silent and listen’ , listen for those negative vibe thoughts that are swaying me in a direction I DO NOT want to be in, and see what I can do to root them out and clear the field for something better attuned to my needs and desires.    Hating oneself is NOT a good place to be.  (not that I hate ME, I just feel that right now, I could be better than my current reactions attest)

I’m an introvert.

I have autistic qualities that aren’t all that sociable, but can be my strengths.

And as I grew up and realized the hardest lesson: ‘Its all my fault’,,,    every action leads to a reaction, and how one reacts is ON THEM, no others.   My actions of late leave me desiring much better.   I should have just walked out the door and said nothing, maybe even forced the issue by taking the day off and letting things cool down, instead of that abortion I let loose.

Yes, hindsight is 20/20, and you must live with the results, but LEARN from them, you must.  Failure to do so only spirals further away from “The Path” and into the darker side of the coin.  

I’ll have more up later as things totally outside of my control coalesce towards a new direction.   Waiting on word from a job source, and Son of Bossman wants to talk,,,  Not sure about what or what he is thinking, but his repeated texts along that line, with a promise of “no confrontations”,,,,    We’ll see,    At this point, its my choice, no matter what the proposition,,,,  

Choose wisely,

You are what you think

Think well of yourself and the world.

and maybe, those thoughts will change it for the better,,,  

Live

Learn

LOVE

Laugh (at yourself as much as you can)

LOAD