What I want is what I’ve not got

And what I need, is all around me.

Been driving myself absolutely batshit insane the last few days: been in communication with three kayak sellers, and it all started because of a glitch in Market place.   My messages weren’t hitting thier inboxes, then suddenly, they were all contacting me back.  

and I have been fighting internally as to ‘which one do I really want’,,,,

Well, cash in hand, can buy any ONE of them, but obviously not all of them, and either way, its a long haul to get any of them.   I had made plans to visit my sister as the added reason to ‘go get a boat’, and now,,,,

I’m thinking I ain’t gonna get any of them.

I have Lyssa, my little red corvette of a kayak.  I have Blue Jean, my cargo hauler. I have Rio, my other little red corvette for white water.   I still have the ARC which I have been tempted to sell off and on, but would make a great intro boat into white water if ever some such popped into my life.   (Blue Jean fills that bill for open water intro as well.)  I still have the Nordkapp that needs some rework/possibly retired permenantly,,,  I still have Jest-Duk!kee (who needs a reskin), so it’s not like my fleet is ‘thin’.

I need another boat like I need a second head. (I have enough personality floating around in the one,,,,)

What I want is what I’ve not got,,,

The only reason I even started looking was I WANT a longer boat.   Only two of those boats I was looking at qualify on that note.  One was rotomolded, which I am finding less appealing as time goes by, and the other was a 20yo fiberglass boat.   That one would have sealed the deal, but there were missing components that weren’t obvious ‘at first glance’.   I really looked closely at the picture provided and realized that there were two missing hatch covers.   Those get expensive FAST, and with the age of the boat, may not even be around to buy.   The one place that has a reputation for hard to find parts also has a no return policy, so if it doesn’t work out; you eat it.      

What I need, is all around me.

I’m still going to my Sis’ for an extended weekend.   I want a break from this area for a spell, and paddling on waters unknown to me,,, see some fresh sights, different animals (gators?)   Maybe even twist my sisters arm and go to Charleston to paddle one of the creeks there and maybe get to paddle with dolphins.   Dunno,,, 

BUT,

Time away, and no chasing boats that I don’t actually need.   I think this was a test by IS, and by not ‘biting that hook’, I can grow a little bit more.    And like I told Brudda B,,, every single one was frikkin’ YELLOW,,, I don’t really like the color yellow.  No particular reason, just don’t, and why every damned boat I looked at recently was that color???   (and yes, that is part of why I am backing out,,, but by no means ALL,,,)

Keep the cash, use it smartly, keep waiting for that ‘dream boat’.    I know its model, and I know what to expect to pay for it.

And I know that where I am, currently, its not justifiable to buy.  That boat is an honest to Dog, TOURING kayak, built for speed and cargo, for unsupported ‘expeditions’.   The way I use my boats right now, would be an insult to that make.   Keep growing, keep pushing that learning curve, and keep sockin’ away a little here and a little there, until such time as I have EARNED the right to own that boat.

What qualifies as ‘Earned’?   Being able to ‘Paddle nap’, for one.  Having learned how to ‘wear’ my kayak enough that laying down in the water is second nature.  At that stage, a capsize is nothing, and might even be a strategic ploy (turtle rolls to get through REALLY big waves)   

And why not make my own,,, I know what I want, right?   Yeah,,, that part keeps biting me in the ass.  The material costs are outrageous right now, and buying used just makes more sense (to me)  I know I can make the prototype: I am not sure about the final product being seaworthy.   Too many variables and not enough experiance with the materials/processes that would be involved.(keep learnin’: this game ain’t over yet!)

Sometimes, it takes a Jimi-thang, to keep me movin’!

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Tropical Storm Helene is on its way here tomorrow,,, We aren’t working Friday for the same reason.  I am not slotted to leave out until Saturday mornin’ and I have ZERO desire to leave earlier and risk going through the mountains of North Carolina with high winds and weather.   

but the more I think about those boats, despite the ‘desire’ still raging in my veins, I really think this is the right choice: to not choose, just hold off.   And just use the time for ‘clearin’ the head’.  (funny how the Marine/Navy term ‘head’ has a double meaning,,,,   Both can get pretty polluted if not maintained.)

And in some ways, IS is giving me ‘that out’ by sending foul weather my way.   I’ll just claim the storm ‘forced me to change plans and thank you for playing’.    It’s not like I will be dropping the ball, day of,,,     still, this is the right choice,,,,

Thanks for listening to me vent my spleen over all of this.  I know its not ‘critical information’ but maybe someone else could use the strategy to keep themselves out of ‘too many decisions’

LIVE

LEARN

LAUGH

LOAD!!!

UPDATED:  After a full nights sleep on things, I am still tossed internall, but my resolve seems more “will this check those boxes I’m missing” and I keep coming back to ‘not really’.   I’d only be adding another boat that does much the same thing as what  I already have.   Like owning three corvettes of different years, that only occasionally get driven.   Thats not in my character: I’m not a collector, I’m a tool user, and when tools sit, unused, I feel guilty and want to pass them on to someone that will use them.   

Yes, I still want a longer boat, and I have three in mind: two for the used market and luck of the draw, the third is the “if money were no object” wish-boat. 

So I sit this round of the game out and make no bids.