where and when do you cut the cords?
let me start by explaining this part,,, Burnout,,, dood at work,,, been giving him rides to work, and often get stuck with him through the day,,,
and to say his life is full of drama would be an understatement. Self-inflicted wounds to boot (they almost always are)
And I have been playing life coach to the big dummy,,,
He listens, at least while I am talking to him, but I don’t see ‘change’,,,
I know there will be many instances where changes are small, incremental, etc,,, but honestly, there is one change he MUST make if he wants to retain sanity and thats to dump the GF that cheats on him and recently bore someone elses child,,,,
Yah, I know,, not my place right? And you’re right,,, Whatever hooks she has in his emotions, she dug in deep and from all I can tell, makes sure, everyday, that they are still in place. She’s a user,,, plain and simple,,,,, BUT, getting that through BUrnout’s thickened skull and prior drug reduced mind,,,,,, (reason we call him Burnout,,,,)
When do you cut the cords? As I told him yesterday,,, “I could go above and beyond for you, but at what cost TO ME? My best bet is to offer advice, point you in a direction and then, its up to you. YOU HAVE TO DO THE WORK,,,Ain’t no-one gonna do it FOR you,,,,” I WILL NOT be the intervention,,,, I won’t,,, BTDT b4 and the burn marks are still twitchy,,,,
No good deed goes unpunished,,,,
And I feel like I am tempting Karma something fierce right now,,,,
sigh
I wanted to be a teacher,,, not a life coach,,, but the teacher instincts kick in anyways, and
here I am. Saddled with a wastecase, running downhill to destruction at break neck speeds. And I DO NOT WANT TO GET DRAGGED ALONG.
Ok,,, I’m vented,,,,
Sadly, he is “average” around here,,,, No better no worse than most. And the ONLY reason I have been trying to help: his efforts, as observed by me and others, to ‘stay clean’ (he is the only one that doesn’t show up to work with tweaked eyes/slurred speech and movements.)
but ya can’t fix stoopid
(yes you can,,, very large hammers work wonders!!!)
(Shush Teena!!! you werent’ invited to this conversation,,,,)
Dio's Workshop 
Dio, you’re in a no-win situation with this guy. The proof? A WOMAN is involved. He won’t listen to anything said against her…but if you tell him that his problems are his and not yours to solve, he’ll resent you doubly: once for the advice, and a second time for “abandoning” him. All you can do without harming your own interests is to abdicate: emotionally at the minimum, completely by preference.
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February 8, 2024 at 5:46 am
an excellent analysis, thank you Francis.
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February 8, 2024 at 5:51 am
That’s a tough call Dio… Most I’ve encountered in this young man’s position go from bad to worse. Then again, my brother-in-law was “one of those guys”… Liked him some powders, loved him some tweaker chicks… Jail, jail, then prison…wife left him, lost custody of his only child, what you would call a grade-A loser. Now, 20+ years later, great relationship with his kid and grandkids, been working in the trades with a juicy Union pension, currently making a 6-figure income. Beautiful truck, nice little fishin’ boat… He’s got a pretty fine life. BUT he had to crater first, before he could pull his head outta his hindquarters. And he put his family through the wringer on the way to his enlightenment. Even my wife had to shoo a bunch of shitheel tweakers out of his house with a gun in her hand… It was an ugly and exhausting time in our lives, but he was worth it to us.
A co-worker on the other hand??? I’m all for giving without expecting recompense, but some people are their own worst enemy. Unfortunately no matter how well intentioned you are toward him, HE’S the only one that can change his direction. I’d advise “arm’s length” at minimum and NEVER loan shekels!
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February 8, 2024 at 2:16 pm
I charge him fuel money every week for my efforts to get him to work on time. If he drops back into his ways again, THAT ax drops and I tell him “Yo-Yo sucker,,,, ” (your on your own) If he slips on the gas money, I have a MUCH better relationship with the guy that writes his paycheck than he does.
I won’t offer anyting else,,, arms length as you say,,,,
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February 8, 2024 at 4:41 pm