got nuthin’s,,,,

early day off,,, payday, waiting for Bossman to return to shop to write paycheck (yeah, he still handwrites checks and it plays merryhob with my checking account at times,,,,)

As for my ‘downfall’ into self reflection the last couple of days,  yuppers, a slight case of overbombing on the emotional turmoil, all due to reading material.   Self reflection can be a mother and being one that REALLY takes the storyline as personal,,,,,

Still wanna hit the rivers running, and want that ‘alone time’ to pull the soul out and check for the wear and tear that our world inflicts on a soul, but having finished the book and set it aside (I’ll re-read it at a later date, I always do, and I should have held off on my self reflection dive,,,) things started perking up a bit.  Comments here helped tons too,,,   Yeah, still the lonely bachelor and lookin’ for Missus Right, but thats not NEW,,,, that’s old hat, as in been there doing such since I lost the ‘one true love’ to stoopidity on my part (long story that may get told at some point, but not today, and likely not here,,,   FWIW, I still have a letter from her, written 38 years ago, and I pull it out to remind myself of what COULD have been if I had kept my wits about me (or at least what I THINK could have been.))

I’m a hopeless romantic,,, seriously, I know it, and live with it, and in no small part why I am an INTJ,,,  trying to keep the emotional side (which is more intense compared to the other sides, if left unchecked) under heavy chains and only let it out every third sunday for fresh air.  Obviously, I am not always successful.   Just ask B, whose shoulder was a sodden mess at camp once from me losing control of my ‘softer side’.   (Thanks bro, we all need a good cry every once in awhile, sorry’bout the snot,,,)

That hopeless romantic is also why I get in trouble in relationships,,,  I get VERY intense in my feelings and ‘fall’ fast and hard, and there have been more times that I should’ve walked away before things went too far along, but the feelz klown driving the kar had other plans.   I can even recall the exact event that was the warning in my last relationship, and it was only 6 months into a 7 year journey.  No one can say I didn’t try,,,,

Self-inflicted wounds,,,   When the writing is on the wall, in flashing neon green letters, 10′ high, and you refuse to read it; no one but yourself to blame, right?

I know I talk about INTJ alot,,, it is my type, and I am not at all sure who else has gone and done the MBTI test here.  Or even has any interest, but,,, IF you really want to look into what it means, this is probably the best explantation I have seen that ISN’T boring to tears.  Might even explain some of my posting to y’all…  And why I say that I am krazy at times,,,   Definitely an “odd” as Sarah likes to describe those of us that see the world through diffferent colored lenses (usually NOT pretty colors either.)

Ok, ya back?   Good.   Ain’tadun talkin’ yet,,,

I dropped into one of my other ‘reads’ today and it only reinforced why I am glad I didn’t pursue Teaching as a career, instead, focusing on the living a life thing (How do you think I got into touring audio when i was never much of a muscian? though I did develop perfect ptich over the years.)  I was turned off from teaching due to the lack of discipline allowed,,,  I was raised in a school where swats were still permissable all the way into the later years (it was in decline, but never ceased until I was out.)  Some kids need a good swift whack across the backside to realign the brainium to reality.   Especially young boys surrounded by young girls that smell divine and look better,,,,(and why I do believe they were onto something by keeping the sexes segregated for so long,,,)  My sis told me stories of her time as a school bus driver and how out of hand the yung’uns were getting,,,  And how the drivers were corralled and hobbled by rules and regs on what they COULD do/COULDN’T do to keep the peace.   And she told me that school system she worked for had MULTIPLE PRINCIPLES for ONE HIGHSCHOOL, and a small army of bureaucrats manning the upper eschelon of ‘education’ that have not one thing to do with education at all…   Yeah, the system is top heavy with dead wieght and useless eaters,,,,, Seems we need to take a step back to one room schoolhouses with ‘old maid’ teachers and a peach switch: at least for the first 8 years of basics.  The Catholic schools got a bad rep for Nuns and Rulers, but I never heard of them having the issues that public schools did with total disrespect of the teachers and the absolute bottom feeder mentality that seems to be the “norm” these days.

And that brings me back around to relationships.   One big reason I am running into issues here local, with meeting someone is that ‘education’ thing.   Lack of, to be precise.   One thing I want to do is teach: what I DON’T want to do is have to teach my S.O.: I want to debate, and wouldn’t mind a devils advocate type of relationship, but I do NOT want to be the teacher in a relationship,,,,, It would feel all wrong.   Yes, there are times and places in relationships where one is the teacher, and the next instance, the student,,, We can not know it all.   BUT, I don’t want to be the one saying, “Here, read this and then form an opinion” constantly.  And that is what I continually run into here.   it only takes a couple of quick questions to determine if someone knows how to think, or is just parroting party lines (being ‘what everyone knows that ain’t so’)   It took me a few years to break out of the Liberal Mindset that was indoctrinated by my schooling (even with my favorite reading teacher planting Freethinking bombs in my cranium.) and I would prefer someone that doesn’t fall into that ‘liberal’ catagory as well.   Rare breed? probably,   But not the elusive unicorn,,, just far and few between.  

And probably already taken,,,  (I have ran into one of those,,, sigh.)

It’s a long road, this thing called life,,, but when you look back on it, it’s amazing how short the paths are,,,,   Things that seemed to last forever ‘then’ are a blink of an eye now,,,    Of all the lessons my grangmother TRIED to teach me, this IS the one I wish I had learned first: Slow down child, the world will wait for you.

And for that lesson, I am taking my time to find ‘Her’, cuz this time, I want it RIGHT