The wars we wage

in our danged heads. 

It should be obvious to my readers that I am at war with myself from the last couple of posts.   But, it’s all good: this is a war that will come out how it comes out and there is only the ‘do what I can, and that’s all I can do’ aspect that can’t be avoided.

That last “Do what I can do and that’s all I can do” is the key.   Something that seems to get left behind by so many.   You can’t make water run uphill, and you can’t fight gravity, heat can burn and things are ‘just so’ for reasons we don’t always understand.

like the world at large right now, being dismantled by an invisible group of psychotics that think they have a better plan.   What hubris that is, to think they have a better plan than the author of our script.  We get some say in it, yes, but thing’s will play out however they will, despite our best efforts and intentions.  That lesson was hammered home again yesterday.   I failed to read the script cues and so the script was re-written to toss in some other lessons.   In hindsight; always 20/20, I was given the clues that I had a problem but failed to see them.   Small failures cascaded into one big catastrophic fail, and now, here I am, making choices that I could have avoided.    

Shit happens.

and that is just how it is.  Shit happens, things break, and we keep moving forward in time.   Sometimes that movement is glacially slow (like right now for me, unable to do squat on getting the situation remedied until some others get invovled.) or so damned fast, we look around in awe. (like capsizing Duh!Kee,,,less than one second underwater to come up the otherside, flat cod-walloped that I was breathing air.

And what is bugging me the most right now is that time factor: I have a problem, have a solution, but can’t do JACK about either right now because all the pieces are still scattered. 

And the lesson of Patience is being hammered into me, yet again,,,,   Frick, I am NOT a patient man,,,, (yes I can be, but this one is an exception; I don’t like feeling stranded, and that is the underlying emotion of my world right now.)

((and I have to admit, having an un-tried boat sitting on my deck is driving me bat-shit right now.    Water is 1/2mile away, but may as well be across the county at this point.   A 60# boat is a bear to hump up a hill and for a 1/2 mile.   There is a solution, I ain’t seen it yet,,,))

as for said untried kayak,,,   I really want to get her in water to see if what i am seeing on dryland is real, or the illusion of being on dryland.   I can move in this cockpit like I used to move in the Pirouette, lay back just like I described in the Necky that was,,, and usually (hull dependent) those translate into control.  Control that I lack in Lizzy. (can’t lay back in Lizzy, though I can off sides,,,wyrd,,,)  PLUS, this boat holds my winter sleeping back that fights getting into holds.  I am bad itching to get her on water right now.  I may have left my skirts in Buff, but I can still paddle, just no rolling play.  But I can tell you this, I will KNOW this boat in five minutes, she is that in tune to me in the cockpit and I only needed to adust the footpegs.  

Alrighty, I gotta stop talking about it and find that solution.  I may not be able to get her to the river today, (and really don’t want to take her near rocks, but,,,) but If I figure something out, there are always evenings now that the days are longer.  (until Buffalo is here, then its bizzy bizzy to get her back on the road; kayaks WILL wait for that.)