The Sword, Jewel, and Mirror

Most of my readers should be familiar with the concept, one from Japanese philosophy.  The three driving forces of successful people.  The Sword=military power.  the Jewel=financial power.   And the Mirror= Understanding YOURSELF and your place in the world.

Well, those of ya that have been following along are seeing my “looking in the mirror” phase and not liking what I am seeing.  Not that I don’t like myself as a person; I do actually, I’m a pretty decent person, talented and skilled, and while I do have ‘issues’ they don’t really define who I am, but I am HOOMAN and Hoomans are not (and likely can’t be) perfect.   Whats eating at me, the things I don’t like, are my position in time and place: I don’t feel like I am where I SHOULD be.   And I am seeing indicators that I missed a turn somewhere, and that turn was directed by forces outside of my control.

I won’t go into great detail about it, but no, it was not government influences that made the choice for me.

And this is not the first time such has happened.   I bounced back from the first and really turned things around after I had my epiphany of it.   And that is a lot of what you are witnessing here in my ‘Meltdown’ phase.  I have had my epiphany on this one, and now I am making the corrections as best I can.  I won’t be able to get back on the course I had, but I can parallel it, and get to some safe harbor.

And with the time I have remaining, this one is probably ‘IT’,,,

And why I started looking for that special someone at the same time.  Kinda silly to be adding one stress on top of several others, (or is it adding entirely new volumes of stress on top of the one I chose,,,)

And in no small part, I am deciding on holding off entirely (searching for soul mate) until such time as I make my move to another time and place, just to ease transitions.   A soul mate could very likely be another anchor to this place. (and I won’t lie, my skepticism of finding a soul mate is quite high, just a life partner would suffice at this stage, so long as she likes kayaks and kats. LOL) and with that in mind, let me tell you about my adventures in a social dating app.   So far, three hits.   One that I described to you already: drop dead gorgeous woman, deep in the heart of Ukraine, looking for her golden parachute to pull her out of an active warzone/potential ground zero for WWIII.   Then there was the next one, that as soon as conversation started, was trying to redirect me to her SnapChat page,,, How better to milk a lonely guy out of some cash than by getting him to pay for ‘virtual sex’,,,   (immediately blocked and reported that one.   I am there looking honestly, and hoping there are others that are as well). And the one I am talking to currently, kinda sorta.   One text every other day or so,,,  Busy Lady?  or lack of interest?   BOTH?    Who the fuck knows.

but, I am considering just dropping the whole thing for a bit while I focus on ‘getting out of here’.

And Da is just gonna have to make the move too, or deal with my scheduling visits.   I can’t stay here AND stay sane.   Love my little house and its off-grid nature, but the area is TOXIC to the soul.   I can take the off-grid aspects with me, (will need re-dialed in as I can, but it is movable) and may find even better, but,,,  This time around, I am going to spend a week or more ‘camping’ nearby to get a feel for what the environment is like.

and I am going to listen to what Nudge has to say about it a whole lot more.   She fought me tooth and nail over coming back here (killed the RV three times, before I made it back.  First time blown head in Texas, Then blown Hydraulic pumps (which fed the steering and BRAKES) in Indy, than blown transmission as I was crossing into Kentucky,  and threw a rod at the last 1/2 mile from where I ended up parking it, by dragging it into place with a bucket loader.)

Am I being selfish?  I am sure there are some that would say that.  I have to ask though, do you live for you, or do you live for others?   or is living for yourself providing that someone that is available for others,,,   the whole thinking process can get quite icky and gross, especially when you toss in some of the teachings of ‘Service to Others’,,, (which get whacked stoopid when you start picking them apart.)    There are souls that find that line perfect for themselves, but they tend to priesthood/nunneries, or mission workers: I ain’t that.   I am the problem solver type, not the service to others type, and I get the most satisfaction (even on the current J.O.B. thing,) when I am making the impossible work.   Or getting these three things to work as one when they shouldn’t be able to do diddly.  (and why I find ‘another mans junk may be my next project, and MUST discipline myself or I would live in a junkyard.)

OK, time to shift the gears a bit.   Some of ya have read my WINGS book (over in the side bar if you haven’t, help support your local blogger) and I want to share a little sumpin-sumpin with you.

WINGS, is only kinda-sorta fictional.   (well, fully fictional, but there is not one aspect that can’t be repeated IRL)

observe.

The tech just keeps getting better,,,