that krazee guy,,,
You’ve seen ’em. The homeless dude wandering down the street/highway/sidewalk. At a distance, you can tell they are involved in an energetic conversation/argument, hand waving and raised voice: except, there is no one there that you can see to be having said conversation with.
I think part of my ‘withdrawal’ in the writing world is due in some small part to that imagery. I spout off, arguing the world/politics/ethics, and of course, kayaking,,,
chirp, chirp,,,,
I wonder if my efforts here are dillusional rants by some krazee dude that needs his meds re-evaluated. (note, I don’t take ANY meds of any sort, short of OTC’s and the occasional (5 years) Tetanus shot or antibiotics to kill off whatever bug is eating on my ambulant corpse at the time.)
Oh, I do get the occasional comment, but rarely any serious feedback. It may be due to the fact that what my readers ‘return’ is the silent head nod of concurrence, and those don’t need to say anything: but the silence is deafening at times. And I start feeling like that crazy homeless guy talking to the ghosts in his head. Trust me on this: I KNOW I have voices in my head, and we do, at times, have some wonderful conversations.* What worries me is when I start to feel like those voices are THE ONLY VOICES I hear. And the last few months, between the world coming unglued, work related doubts, dissatisfaction with my locale, and a few other little things that have been thorns in my soul,,,,, Yeah, starting to worry just a touch.
I guess I need to unload some baggage; clear some space off the dock of my mind so that I can get back to work, eh? It’s been a might crowded there of late.
I don’t think I need to delve too much into the whole world coming unglued thingy, do I? If ya ain’t paying attention to it at least a little, you sure feel it at the cash register, no matter what you are buying. Hard to ignore that, no matter how well off you are.
Work related doubts has been hit a time or two here as well. So, no, not going there, and things are a little better now that Bossman, Son of Bossman, and I had our little chat. Bossman DID take my advice and raised his prices some to accommodate our increase in costs, but I still say he is cutting his own throat with some of our clients. (and they are more than happy to help him out,,,)
So the next ‘issue’: Dissatisfaction with my locale. I love my homestead, I spent seven years getting it to how it is now. Learned a ton of new stuff doing so, and made more than a few mistakes along the way: some easy to fix, some a bit more permanent. Like laying the 3/4″ plywood underfloor symmetrically,,, bad move. Now, I have a ‘crack’ in my hardwood flooring that opens up when the wood dries out, and swells up into a hump as the humidity goes through the roof. Kinda hard to fix that without rebuilding the whole house. But that isn’t whats eating at me; What IS eating at me is the general attitude of the area. The “cain’t fix the leaky roof when it’s rainin’, and it ain’ta leakin’ when it’s dry,,,,” attitude. *sigh*. Probably wouldn’t bother me so much if I were able to retreat to my hill away from it. Ah, but the new neighbor is right there, on my way home, in full sight, and that attitude is STRONG in that one. (he raped his RV for the aluminum struts that hold his awning for cash, and is using saplings to hold said awning now. He MAY have picked up $20-30 in scrap rates, but to replace them is going to run him closer to a $1000. He doesn’t look to the future, just his needs RIGHT NOW. And even then, he won’t replace them, and I doubt that camper is ever going to move again, except in pieces as he cuts it up for scrap prices. And thats assuming he sticks to his ‘build a house’ plan and not make it a permanent abode. I has doubts.) (and that $20-30,,,, Probably so he could go get a ‘pill’,,,,)
Another aspect of my location is lack of services. I have to drive 30 miles for anything that isn’t “bare bones basics”. Now, this very much a self inflicted wound as I knew when I coming here that I was ‘leaving civilized life’ behind. But its began eating at me the last couple years that even just getting a decent cheeseburger (Not Mickey D’s crap horsemeat burger) is a one hour trip,,, To add insult to injury, $4/gal gas,,,,,, **
Do I sound like I am just whining here? probably,,,, Thats one of the reasons I haven’t been sayin’ anything. Don’t want to come off as some whiner. Suck it up buttercup, this shits about to get heavy, Yeah, I know it is. There is good reason I have a cord of firewood in my shed, solar-panels, wind-generator and a backup honda genny,,,, This ain’t shit, YET.
BUT, it has effected my ‘ambitions’, Like the whole writing thing, with no feedback. For 14 years, I didn’t give a damn about the low commentary, I had traffic numbers to appease me. NOW, I start worrying about my ‘image’ and that I am coming off as a loopy-loo krazzee dude wandering the interwebz sidewalks. What I can say is I have not found a niche yet. I see other bloggers with only a few years under their belt seeing hits in the millions, yet I have been doing it for over a decade and haven’t hit the halfway to a mil yet. Is that an indication that I need to improve my writing style, or that my subject matter sucks balls? (yes!) (to which one?) (both!!!). Writing style,,, thats no so easy to fix, because I write like I think, (and that tends to have more syllables than how I speak locally,,,). Subject matter,,, Do I need to take Aesops attitude and start berating everyone that doesn’t agree with me (and why I no longer read his page unless I see it linked on no less than three sites). Do I need to rip the armor off my psyche and bare my soul to y’all? (oh that might get ugly, put that robe back on, you freak!!)
OR, do one of my crazy ideas and just start a daily running ‘this happened and this is who I talked to, and then I made brats and had a beer and went to bed’ kind-of-thing???? (BORING!!!!)
Yeah, there is an evolution going on, on this end, and where it leads, NOT A FUCKIN’ CLUE,,,, I am worried about how little I have been posting since that is direct reflection on how much I am ‘living’ versus ‘just existing’. Life is too short for mere existence. SO,,,, After I hit publish on this, I am going to go out and do a little living this weekend, and then get back here and tell ya something about it,,, Maybe. (note, The end weekend of the month is going to be serious living (and maybe a little dyin’ too, if I don’t watch my ass) since B, T, M and the rest of the FosterGang are headed to “the Dirty Bird” TN/NC for a weekend of whitewater carnage,,,,, And I am down for some,,,,)
*this is kinda a prerequisite for a writer of fiction. If you can’t ‘talk to your characters’ in your head, you sure as shit won’t be able to write out a conversation that is believable. The problem arises when the characters start overloading the system wanting out into the real world. Those are the times where you lock the door, make sure the power to the lappy is good to go, and let that character have free run for a bit.
** and I need to go back and re-read my own words about “going off-grid means SERIOUS lifestyle change”,,, That was the point I tried to hammer home in “Outside looking in” my book on going off-grid,,, Starting to feel like the hypocrite as I am writing all this out.
Dio's Workshop 
Hey there my man. I guess maybe I should have said a positive thing or two. Maybe I just missed the opportunity. Fwiw, you do fine. I personally don’t have much to say about some of the stuff you write about. I sure don’t have an argument so I shut up. Not a good way to do things probably.
The blogosphere has changed a lot in 20 years and Mountain Rat could be right. And apparently titties will go a long way to upping that view count. Who whoulda thunk it?
Don’t be so down on yourself. It’s not a good look for you and your just being too critical imo. I agree on the “over tones” of a fresh start. Fresh can be good for guy. I’ve always loved a fresh start. Probably the gypsy blood.
Whatever you do keep doing this as long as it suits you cause you’ve come this far.
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July 22, 2022 at 4:02 pm
‘I’m my own worst critic’ is a truism I have lived with my whole life. And its usually what keeps me so driven. “I’m an imperfect perfectionist” also lends a hand. At least over the years I finally learned “perfection is the enemy of good” (engineer’s saying)
I’m still here, still slogging it out, and I’ll get over the hump: I always do.
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July 22, 2022 at 4:28 pm
I just want to add that when I referenced your writing style it was not a criticism. I like your writing it just seems for me to inspire introspection rather than commentary. I will be commenting more going forward just to let you know that we are out here and we are listening to what you say.
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July 22, 2022 at 4:55 pm
Man. I just think it is your writing style as a blogger. You just speak from the heart instead of trying to entertain your readers. I can’t explain it but I have been reading your blog for a couple of years and rarely feel the need to comment. In fact this is my first comment.
Don;t change what you are doing and don’t quit. You are making a difference.
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July 22, 2022 at 4:17 pm
Glad you spoke up this time, I thabk you. I won’t stop writing, can’t really: once you start, it becomes a part of you. But;;; my posts may shift towards more entertaining things, possibly short stories or even like I did 6 years ago: serials (that grew into ‘Wings’ as listed in my side bar)
Seriously considering that over what I have been doing. May have to do a couple month spin and see what happens.
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July 22, 2022 at 5:01 pm
Well, I’ve followed your blog for years now. I love your photos of your trips and the yak out on the water. It makes my blood pressure drop and I can look out through your camera and visit places I could only dream about now. That alone is worth 10K words of peace and poetry.
Life has seasons. My life is not what I planned or expected. Not many of my desires came to be. It’s too late for me to go back and become something else. Find a trusted friend for your deeper thoughts but be aware you may not find anyone like yourself who thinks the way you do. That is OK.
I feel like I’m the last of my kind. I’m not, but it feels that way sometimes. A Dinosaur looking up and seeing the bright flash as the asteroid is entering the atmosphere ahead of the sonic boom. The end of days is just around the corner. Not just believers see it now.
I walk closer to God now, more than at any other time in my life.
Your writing is similar to those who paint, do pottery, or make music. It is a creative drive that needs an outlet. It’s OK to take breaks from it. And as far as T&A well there are enough bloggers out there with nothing intelligent to say so they throw out some skin pics.
Hang in there.
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July 22, 2022 at 11:22 pm
To much to respond to here, and the room seems a might dusty right now,,,,
Least to say, T&A pics will not be on the agenda here: never have, never will.they go against my defining this blog as ‘mostly ‘ family friendly. (Other tham an occasional word spill)
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July 23, 2022 at 5:25 am
Just keep doing yo thang and we will start commenting more to let you know we are here and listening. Looking forward to the changes.
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July 23, 2022 at 7:20 am
I tend not to comment when I have nothing (much) to say. Doesn’t mean I am not reading. I at least skim everything (I gave up on ‘subscribing’ via various means and just my person list of things I check about daily. If I am not home, then things get delayed.) I don’t know from kayaking, nor do I particularly care to pick it up – but I still read what you write of such as you make it interesting, entertaining, or both.
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July 23, 2022 at 7:56 am
Kayaking isnt for everyone, and I’d imagine your horns would make rolling a kayak ‘interesting ‘ lol. But most of my pics aren’t about the kayak so much as its the vehicle I use to capture that moment.
Thanks for the feedback, tis appreciated 😊
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July 23, 2022 at 9:22 am
Some doorways are quite ‘interesting’ enough.
If I might ask, what is the ‘thing’ with rolling? It has long been my understanding that one should keep a water-borne vessel in the ‘upright’ configuration and even a bit of list was something to be avoided if possible.
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July 25, 2022 at 8:21 am
Seakayaks are notoriously ‘tippy’ and can capsize fair easily. The ‘roll’ is the first option for recovery. First and prefered option I should clarify. The second option is a wet exit and re-entry. And many many things can go wrong with the second option. Best to stay in the boat and get it back upright.
So,,,,, I practice rolling, intentionally capsizing to get ir maintain the skill so when I need it, Its second nature.
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July 25, 2022 at 8:46 am
Aha! So it’s _sort of_ the aquatic version of practice stall/spin recovery so WHEN it happens, it’s no more than an annoyance?
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July 25, 2022 at 9:57 am
Bingo!!! (Bet those horns are a PITA in an airplane cockpit too. 🤣)
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July 25, 2022 at 10:48 am
Aye. Then, some _doorways_ are quite the nuisance.
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July 25, 2022 at 11:00 am
I wouldn’t worry too much I like your blog as well I don’t say much as like some other commenters you hit he nail on the head. I also stopped reading AESOP stuff as well he has gone nuts. People will not always agree he’ll even bigcountry reads you think about that you must be doing something right.
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July 23, 2022 at 8:00 am
Gotta agree with some of the others above. When I read your stuff it mostly leaves me with some thoughts, some introspection, without a need to comment. It is no small feat to create that in folks, ‘course it gives very little feedback and validation for the author. The kayaking ain’t ever gonna be me, but the thoughts the surround the adventures can be me, if that makes sense. Maybe that is how much of the blog works for me. Dunno, but I keep coming back for some undefined, and some hazily defined reasons. My humble opinion is no need to reinvent the wheel, but seeing as how I am not a writer what the hell do I know. Just keep on keeping on with it. Perhaps you reaching the exact audience intended.
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July 23, 2022 at 12:55 pm
Yeah Bro, I dig your stuff, and for the most part We ARE the crazy guy screaming off in the woodline… it’s how I manage to keep my ‘timing and headspace’… Occasionally, things go pear shaped, it’s the nature of things, but hey, it’s also as bad as a heroin addiction I’d say… writing… you get the monkey on your back and that’s it man… I start Jonesin’ if I’m behind on the blegg… like last night, even half plastered I still hadda put -something- up as I feel it’s only fair to all the good folks who come around to listen to and point at the funny large man talking bad to himself
Don’t worry man, it’s all good, and it’s why we have each others backs…
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July 23, 2022 at 3:35 pm